b3ta.com qotw
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » My Biggest Disappointment » Post 187147 | Search
This is a question My Biggest Disappointment

Often the things we look forward to the most turn out to be a huge let down. As Freddy Woo puts it, "High heels in bed? No fun at all. Porn has a lot to answer for."

Well, Freddy, you are supposed to get someone else to wear them.

What's disappointed you lot?
null points for 'This QOTW'

(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 14:15)
Pages: Latest, 20, 19, 18, 17, 16, ... 1

« Go Back

Once again, my response to a QOTW has spawned a board-wide debate.
Since posting my story, I've had several gazzes from kind-hearted supporters and sympathetic fellow autists, or those who know or are related to them. Far too many to realistically respond to individually, so I'd like to say collectively: thank you all, your respect is very much appreciated.

For the sake of clarity, I would like to point out that the intention behind my post was not to garner sympathy, but simply to tell the story of how the NHS let me down by not even knowing the symptoms of the disorder for which I was trying to get a diagnosis.

I'm not all "wah wah wah nobody loves me"; I'm simply trying to draw attention to the fact that:

a) autistic spectrum disorders are one of the most common psychiatric complaints in the world - one in 150 children is now diagnosed with one - and yet the NHS seems not to know the first thing about them, or to even care.

b) the general public is just as ill-informed. Did any of you know that April was Autism Awareness Month? Most forms of cancer, MS, ME, et cetera, et cetara, and all other types of disability or debilitating illness, are in some way recognised by the public. There's a general outpouring of sympathy for them, which is great. ASDs, however, are not recognised at all by most people. We're the last of the disabilities which are generally treated with contempt.

I can't properly control my body language, facial expressions, or social interactions, because that part of my brain hasn't developed right. Particularly because awareness about autism was absolutely appalling when I was still in school. Most people hadn't even heard of it.

I still get treated like a monster by people I bump into, even some people whom I know quite well, because I'm "creepy". I work my balls off to learn how body language and social interaction work, I don't let it get me down or beat me, and I don't have a defeatist attitude about it. The fact that I get treated this way is other people's problem, not mine. It's morally equivalent to racism or gender-based prejudice, particularly with people who know I'm autistic.

In fact, I know a girl who works with autistic children. She knows how autism works, and yet she still decides to treat me like a freak. I know that I come across as a weirdo, and I try so hard to fight it that I'm constantly - CONSTANTLY - concentrating on every single element of my speech and body language just to try to fit in properly. But it's not enough for people in general to understand. I'm pretty certain that I'll never be allowed to experience the world the way other people do, and that hurts like a bastard.

As far as I'm concerned, it's a testament to my own inner strength and willpower that I carry on living, and don't treat myself like a victim. Occasionally I vent, some days I cry into an empty room. Sometimes I wonder what the point is in owning a double bed when I only ever use one side of it.

But I haven't given up. Sure, I spend a lot of time ranting about how people need to learn to understand autism the way they understand other differences that turn people into minorities. I complain a lot about the way people treat me because I'm just "weird" in a way they can't put their finger on. But I don't feel bad about it. Just like people who are gay, or black, or paraplegic don't think it's their fault. It's not. It's their DNA, and it makes them different, not worse.

You want somebody who knows the English language inside out? Or who can learn any skill in half the time it takes somebody else? Or whose ability to comprehend philosophy and theology is preternatural? I'm your fucking man. Ask me about chaos magic some day, I'll change your world view. I promise.

Just don't treat me like a monster because I don't know I'm staring too much. Or because my tone of voice is off. Or because I appear to be frowning. It's a physical thing between brain and body, and if you actually take the time to get to know me . . . really, I'm pretty awesome.

Edited to remove dickery. See here: www.b3ta.com/questions/disappointment/post188249
(, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 21:16, 22 replies)
Good reply but....
Don't pander to his answers to your posts. The best weapon against people like that is indifference.
(, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 21:22, closed)
There will always be cunts to deal with in life
Harsh, but true. I sometimes wonder if I have it myself, but to be honest, I've just come to accept I'm a little odd. And somehow come across as arrogant. Still trying to figure that one out.
(, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 21:23, closed)
Go you!
Fucking well said!

(, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 21:30, closed)
Nicely done
(, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 21:41, closed)
I have not been following any of this and am only wanting to point out...
the public can not be aware of every single little thing. People close to anyone with any conditions should try to be aware, but it would be impossible for the whole of society to know and empathise with everything.

For instance, I suffer from migraines. I've spent alot of time in the last ten years in my room curled up in pain and being sick. My mother thought it was because I don't eat right, my boss thought it was a hangover, I thought it was tiredness. I spent ten years with no medication for this and only paracetamol to take because even I didn't know about migraines.

The public shall always remain non-knowing and everything shouldn't be forced on everyone. I'm not slagging, just saying.
(, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 21:50, closed)
This isn't meant in a harsh way
but being realistic, how are people meant to know that you suffer from an ASD and aren't just an unpleasant person with no social skills?

I really am sympathetic to people with these sorts of conditions, it must be terrible living with them, and I agree that there should be better recognition and support, but you can't expect everyone else to recognise this and treat you accordingly.

But, as others have posted, don't bother rising to the cunts on earlier. They are just that.
(, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 22:00, closed)
BGB's right, pandering to the insatiable need for attention isn't the right way to go.
Be it Gilgamesh or anybody else who's raised your ire.

And I'm sure you're an awesome dude.. but making threats isn't exactly the best way to go about sorting this particular issue.
(, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 22:01, closed)
Tell me about chaos magic. You have piqued my interest.
(, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 22:21, closed)
Tell use more of this Chaos Magic.

Also, it is shocking that 1 in 150 children born today have symptoms of Autism and they still don't know about it- for the hard-of-maths that's very nearly 1% of the births in the UK, or (if my dredged up figures are correct) about 5500-6000 last year.

This is a pretty large-scale thing and should not be ignored.

Also, "Just like people who are gay, or black, or paraplegic don't think it's their fault. It's not. It's their DNA, and it makes them different, not worse."- it's no-ones fault because there's nothing wrong with these people simply for having these attributes. At least from a humanitarian point of view.
There are, however, differences and these should be respected rather than glossed over with wishy washy "we're all the same, lets have a hug"-ishness.

Finally, what does "a) you're not picking on somebody whose disability renders them unable to empathise instinctively, meaning that they genuinely cannot give a fuck about those who prove themselves unworthy of respect" mean? You can't see how people are feeling, or reacting or read body language? You've got no guilt? Sorry if I'm being thick here, and feel free to blank me if you want, but I don't get it.

Also, apologies for length of reply.
(, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 0:05, closed)
The Problem...
is not with people such as yourself whom (after reading your symptoms) I don't doubt fall well within the autistic spectrum. The problem lies with the self-diagnosing deviantart whiners (who read about it on wikipedia) looking for an excuse as to why they're turned on by anthropomorphicised foxes drilling the shit out of each other. The problem is with idiot psychiatrists who've turned Asperger's into the new ADHD. They make it a thousand times harder for anyone who is genuinely suffering with an extraordinarily complex condition by turning it into a laughing stock.
(, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 3:32, closed)

there isn't a picture of me in my profile, there never has been you mardy-arse

(, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 4:14, closed)
well, I forgot that b3ta can no longer take or even get a joke
My comments yesterday were intended as a piss-take about the whining tone of your post, NOT your disability. If you are genuinely offended on the grounds of your disability then I apologise unreservedly. This was not my intention however.

You'll be very surprised to learn that my partner's son has Asperger's and I deal with the difficulties he faces every day. It may also astonish you to learn that I worked for the Disability Rights Commission.

And Holliebox, you called yourself a "legwrong". I've never used that phrase or even heard it used outside of that thread. If you want put words in my mouth, do it on a messageboard that doesn't have a search facility.


Just think about it, which thought is more likely to have passed through my head on reading your post?

a) "Here's a guy with Asperger's, I'd better take the piss out of his condition"
b) "Fuck, what a whiney post, I'd better take the piss out of that"

If you answered (a) then you are incorrect.

(, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 8:51, closed)
I should also point out

was intended as a humorous non-sequitur, I'm not discriminating against people who don't have bones or anything
(, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 9:05, closed)
and I should also point out
that when I explain things, I'm not discriminating against people who don't understand things, that's not my intention either

edit: just realised "mardy-arse" is a bit non-PC, I should really edit that out

if you really need something to whine to the mods about, try this or this or maybe this or possibly this or this
(, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 9:06, closed)



edit: PJM, should I call you a WAAAAAAAAAAAAHMBULANCE?
(, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 9:36, closed)
Now steady on, old boy
Are threats of physical violence acceptable now? That's a great deal worse than just 'creepy'.

I think your somewhat self-aggrandising post above does you no favours whatsoever.
(, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 9:47, closed)
I'm clicking the ignore button...
... and it's not on Gilgamesh.

* plonk *
(, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 11:14, closed)
sorry to harp on about this
but I re-read your original post and as far as I can tell, you haven't been diagnosed with Asperger's?
(, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 11:40, closed)
Chaos magic?
Something done at the Unseen University?
(, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 12:32, closed)
I feel I must say that I was also diagnosed as autistic at a very young age - however, it's not stopped me from doing whatever I want in life.

To this day, however, I'm not sure if I actually am, or if it was a false diagnosis. I've never gone back and it's never been mentioned, so I don't really know.

Like you, I'm slightly socially awkward and it took me a lot longer than most people to 'fit in' (so I resorted to heavy metal and self-harming instead) - though I got there in the end, mostly.

All I can say is fuck 'em. Everyone's mental in one way or another, whether they choose to admit it or not.
(, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 17:31, closed)
Dammit, I meant to respond in the same thread.
Go here: www.b3ta.com/questions/disappointment/#post188249

I shall try to answer some of these questions later on. I feel responsible now. :)
(, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 21:30, closed)
Sorry Gilgamesh
Your first reply could well have been taken as a joke, albeit a poor taste one. Your second one however, was just plainly trying to wind people up and be deliberately offensive. People do chuck insults around on here, however, it's the tone in which it's done - a lot of the time you can tell when it's being done in jest.

Having read something about your background and domestic situation, you could have offered some genuine insight into the situation and been of real help to the guy. Instead you chose to make belittling remarks about it. Shame. To quote you directly, when you said you don't do sympathy: 'Empathy yes, sympathy no. Practical assistance, not pity'. To me, the post didn't come across as 'woe is me, feel sorry for me please'. Rather, it came across as a justified criticism of a health system that just doesn't understand sometimes.

However, apologies and some sort of peace appear to have been made, so I'll shut up now.
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 12:17, closed)

« Go Back

Pages: Latest, 20, 19, 18, 17, 16, ... 1