DIY hairdressing
I have not had much luck with the scissors. I mean, cutting hair can't be hard, can it? We've all seen hairdressers - how much intelligence do you need to wear dodgy leather trousers, sport lopsided earrings and drive an MX5? Well, evidently it requires some expertise that doesn't get taught in seven years of higher education.

I had been seeing the current ex for only a couple of months when he asked me to help him shave his head. He produced the razor, set it to a grade three cut, put on the guard (very important) and waved it at me.

"You can't possibly fuck this up," he told me. "Fire ahead!"

Dubiously I began the intimate task of bending him over the bath and working the razor through his thick, dark curls. It felt quite sensual, running my fingers through his hair, watching the locks gather in the bath, exposing that lovely soft suede-like finish.

"Great," he declared, once upright and inspecting it in the mirror. "Now I'll take the guard off and you can do round my ears."

I did. Well, I tried. I am an incredibly clumsy person and he knew this. The first ear went fine. The second, however, I overcut by about a centimetre leaving a huge swathe of white scalp through the dark hair encircling his ear.

What did I do? Well, I did what any new girlfriend would do when she had massively fucked up so early into a new relationship: I burst into tears. He spent a good five minutes hopping up and down in fury and then another five laughing at me for crying.

Somehow he still wanted to see me again, although all our friends were informed of my spazz out in hilarious hyped-up detail. I coloured the white space in for him with an eyeliner pencil. I then threw out my leather trousers, bought some better earrings and sold the MX5.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 11:27, 41 replies)

Have you ever considered...
.... a career as a lumberjack? ;o)
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 11:31, closed)

^
I can only dream of the havoc I would wreak.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 11:31, closed)

Oi!
I'm a lumberjack, and I'm ok.
( Cawl, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 11:32, closed)

For the first time in my life
I had what can only be described as an interesting conversation with a hairdresser the other week.

I was sitting in the chair and asked her about her scissors, as they seemed a bit unusual, being short of blade and long of handle. From there she then talked me through the types of scissors and how they're sharpened, balanced, etc. I found it all quite fascinating.

But I'm damned if I can think of another discussion topic for the next time I go. I mean, what hairdresser-y things would interest a technically minded chap like me?

Apart from her tits.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 11:34, closed)

I sleep all night and I work all day
You can shave me anytime you like!
LOL
(Vinegar strokes Should know better on, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 11:34, closed)

@K2k6
They get funny if you ask them about their tits though...
( Cawl, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 11:36, closed)

@Kaol
Yeah, I know. And they're standing over you with sharp implements. I tend to just glance surreptitiously instead.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 11:38, closed)

You can always tell a good hairdresser....
By the number of tiny scars on their hands. They are the ones who accidentally cut themselves rather than you. A hairdresser pal told me that.

I also used to have a number 4 and toyed with the idea of getting my own razor but for the sake of £4.50 every couple of months thought better of it.
( girlinthehole, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 11:38, closed)

See...
I have to take my glasses off, so I'm devoid of the pleasure of glancing.
( Cawl, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 11:39, closed)

@BGB
Funnily enough, that came up in my conversation too. The web between this girl's index and middle finger was a solid lump of scar tissue, and my scalp remained intact.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 11:39, closed)

That happened to me
I was cutting my own hair and my father had neglected to inform me that he had broken the guard I was using. It fell off and I carved a six inch bald spot up the back of my own head. I had to completely shave all my hair off and when I started Uni a week later, the combination of skinhead and monstrous hangover led everyone to think I was a psychopath. Luckily some of them hung around (or had to live with me) long enough to get to know my inner beauty.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 11:42, closed)

@al
Inner beauty?
You mean they wore you like a glove, don't you?
( Cawl, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 11:43, closed)

Hmmm
I may have been someone's bitch. But I don't like to talk about it.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 11:45, closed)

Nice work.
But yeah, we'll not talk about it here, as earlied discussed.
( Cawl, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 11:46, closed)

What a twunt he is!
That's soooo easy to fuck up and he should have known this, so he took that risk when he asked you to cut his hair, and unless you replied with 'yeah, sure, I'm great at this!' he doesn't have a leg to stand on if you mess it up.

Certainly no right to have a go or put you down to your mates
( Jessie © needs pirate name suggestions, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 11:47, closed)

When I make the rare trip to the hairdressers
I tend to have my locks trimmed by young men. It seems unavoidable for them to thrust their groin into my face while they wield their scissors. Am I the only one who feels like groping them?

No? Only me then.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 11:53, closed)

@Chickenlady
I went to a fancy unisex hairdressers once, the girl decided to wash my hair, so I got a faceful of her big lovely boobs, yay!
The last girl to cut my hair (a much more reasonable £8 one this time) kept sticking her crotch in my face, it felt very warm.

See also Opticians... mmmm.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 12:04, closed)

^^
Your face or...?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 12:08, closed)

Having your hair washed
by an attractive young man is a lovely experience - very sensual...and leaves me feeling all warm and flushed.



*Goes off to book an appointment at hairdressers
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 12:08, closed)

I have to say that I trust Tourette's to cut my hair implicitly
Damned fine job she does, even though she has no formal training. number one on the back and sides, nice and fuck-off-spiky on top. Lovely.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 4 Apr 2008, 12:11, closed)

@ Burt Monkeysex
Damn you for mentioning Opticians...
There's nothing quite like an attractive, smartly dressed woman looking deeply into your eyes, from a couple of inches away, in a dark room, so close that she's practically sitting on your lap...

Erm... Excuse me.
( Cawl, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 12:13, closed)

Hair & nail technicians called "Vicky"
Normally I harbour a distinct aversion to the stereotypical crimpers and nail painters.

However, the woman who used to come round and cut my hair was gorgeous - long wavy black hair, curves in the right places and enough life experience to make great conversation. Many a happy hour was spent with her snipping away and my head resting on her lovely funbags.

She was also a friend of my brothers. One night over drinks I asked him why they never got together. Turned out that she'd once seduced him (!) and he was too shy to ask her out properly afterward.

Trevor, if you're reading this: You twat!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 4 Apr 2008, 12:14, closed)

@Kaol
It's been ages since I've been to the opticians, but it's a memory that will stay with me forever. A lovely, young asian lady staring into my eyes for almost an hour, nearly close enough to kiss.
*crosses legs*
If I had kissed her though, I know I'd probably be in prison now.
*books next appointment*
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 12:21, closed)

@PJM
I had a similar thing with a hairdresser I regularly saw many many years ago, called Sally. She was filth, and in the time it took to give me a number 4 all over I managed to tell her my life story.
She told me I should write a book about it, which I did.
It was crap.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 12:24, closed)

Yeah...
I know the feeling, I had one appointment where she put her hand on my knee to steady herself...
I'm glad I don't have problems with self restraint, although the thought of putting my hand on hers was nearly irresistable.

I'm glad we're both not in prison.
( Cawl, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 12:28, closed)

Me too Kaol, me too...
*hugs*
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 12:32, closed)

Don't touch me.
I'll scream "rape".

*glares*
( Cawl, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 12:37, closed)

^^
I'm having flashbacks to "University" now.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 12:37, closed)

Kaol
you may be screaming "rape", but your glaring eyes are screaming "more".

*edit* Al, did you rape Kaol at uni then? -what was he like...?
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 12:41, closed)

Dammit...
This always happens...

*shrugs*
( Cawl, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 12:42, closed)

Well,
he wasn't very happy at first, but you know, you move on from these things don't you.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 12:48, closed)

It's ok
I have leaflets on counselling and ointment to hand, I'm The Rapist Who Cares^tm.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 12:53, closed)

When I lived in Edinburgh
I used to go to a trendy salon for £20-30 hair-cuts. They used to shampoo my hair first - which is AWESOME. Young fit hairdresser massaging my head with lovely warm water!
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 12:54, closed)

BzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzOW
My dearest darling wife is no longer entrusted with the whirring ceramic blades of death on the grounds that if she manages to finally hack through my ear my glasses will fall off.

How hard can it be, thought I? Here's a hint.

If the person in question is holding the clippers as if they were a pre-menstrual Pit Viper in a really bad mood, before nervously jabbing at your head with a trembling 'pokey pokey' arm action, then she may be unsuitable to trust your bonce to.

I now use a mirror.

She does go all wibbly when I wash her hair for her though....
(osok Rebel without a clue, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 13:26, closed)

OMG!
After spending roughly 10 years paying a pittance to get my hair cut at the barbers, I went to a hairdressers a couple of months ago as I'm trying to grow my hair and I want it to look nice while it grows. 30 bloody quid, and not once did he ask me if I was going anywhere nice this year.
( girlinthehole, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 13:27, closed)

Ah, but
has anyone ever gone into a travel agent, and the girl behind the desk asked where you got your hair cut?

(Apologies to whichever comedian came up with this)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 13:29, closed)

@ BGB
Yes, it is a rip-off. That's why I only go once a year or so.

I like the bird's nest look.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 13:32, closed)

@BGB
AND I bet they didn't offer you anything for the weekend, either!
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 13:42, closed)

@BGB
Where do you go? If you're in London I know of a fab place that the other half and I go to and I'll give you a referral if you like. Great place, and they give you champagne while they cut your hair and chat to you...
(Marmoset Bored bored bored of cnuting revision..., Fri 4 Apr 2008, 14:51, closed)

^^
Thanks but I live oop north. Besides once it gets to a certain length I'm doing a chickenlady and getting it cut once a year.
( girlinthehole, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 15:12, closed)

That's it
I'm moving to England.

That is, if they let me in...
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Wed 9 Apr 2008, 20:38, closed)