Some years ago now
I was having massive sex with several supermodels. I won't put their names because that would be immoral. Anyway, they were fighting over me trying to convince me who could give the best blowjob. Everytime I got close, they stopped. They kept me at this orgasm biting point for 14 hours before I finally came with such force that three of them suffered concussion. Being splattered in my manfat made them orgasm so hard that they couldn't walk for a week. After spunking up about 3 pints, there was one giant spasm and I actually jizzed my bollocks inside out and out through my jap's eye.
Those that were still conscious crawled away in terror still cumming as they did.
I thought I had* better find a way to sort this out. I didn't want to go to hospital so because I'm so ten-men I pushed them back in with a knitting needle. Then to make sure my bollocks still worked, I drove to the zoo in my Honda Accord and raped four lions.

* ninja edit
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 14:02, 14 replies)

A knitting needle! You poof. You should have shoved them back in with some rusty barbed wire, like a real man.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Mon 24 Jan 2011, 14:11, closed)

"raped four lions"
click!
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Mon 24 Jan 2011, 14:13, closed)

Only four?
pah
(Nanny Pat vote for me, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 14:35, closed)

A zoo with four lions?
Now I know you're making stuff up...
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 15:09, closed)

"Those that were still conscious crawled away in terror still cumming as they did."
Brilliant!

That cheered me up no end.

*click*
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 15:27, closed)

Childhood memories!
Anyone else reminded of that most awesome sex education video with the teens in the locker room?

"Says here one guy got an erection 3 feet long! and 5 people sat on it before it broke off!"
(Gonkers Mcfoo, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 16:42, closed)

this post
Is comprised of pure win.
(tjn whizzing on the electric fence of life, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 17:34, closed)

What a guy
I understand that the technical term for it is 'riding the clutch'. 14 hours is certified tantric guru level.
( daikoku has been on a ragga tip since, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 18:39, closed)

'riding the clutch'
fantastic phrase
(W3BOPLASTY, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 20:01, closed)

That's the one
I knew it had something to do with a clutch.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 21:06, closed)

"I thought I better find a way to sort this out."
I think you'll find it's "I'd", actually.
but apart from that i'm convinced and impressed.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Mon 24 Jan 2011, 19:27, closed)

wow
...frank?
(minlan no longer barks at bancleys, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 19:30, closed)

if only

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 21:05, closed)

you sir
are a legend
(W3BOPLASTY, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 19:59, closed)

"before I finally came with such force that three of them suffered concussion"
*supreme click*
(Sadarse works like Mist condensing mud flaps, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 23:00, closed)

You forgot
'Cheers'.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 1:27, closed)

You are related to Sir Spanky AICMFP

( jakedamusss I understand, and dont care., Tue 25 Jan 2011, 2:35, closed)

Urmm...
You'd only be proving your bollocks were working if you'd got the lions pregnant.

I believed you right up until that bit.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 8:11, closed)