Another narrow escape by proxy, I'm afraid...
But it's a cautionary tale that bears repetition. A chap called Kenneth Pinyan had the brilliant idea of allowing a horse to sodomise him at a farm near Enumclaw, Washington State. There's footage of this brief liaison on the internet but it's not really suitable for viewing at work. Unfortunately the union left Kenneth with a ruptured colon and peritonitis. His friends left him outside a local hospital and did a runner.

His lucky escape was to shuffle off this mortal coil before having to explain WHAT THE FUCK HE WAS THINKING. Apparently Kenneth hadn't actually broken any obvious law so might have evaded prosecution. Still, I KNOW I'd rather die than hook up with friends and family and see the disappointment and confusion in their eyes. Definitely a case of death before dishonour...

Edit* I knew a guy at uni who confessed an unhealthy interest in animals but even he would have better sense. Be safe, wear an extra-strength condom and always be the active partner in any bestial encounters!

Edit (2)* NOW INCLUDES LINK TO ACTUAL FOOTAGE - ENJOY!
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 11:33, 3 replies)

Just one question - for now.
How the feck did he convince a horse to take him up the Ronson?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 25 Aug 2010, 11:41, closed)

Apparently this farm was...
well known amongst the so-called zoophile community. There were others there to act as fluffers and guide the horse towards its, er, target...
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 11:46, closed)

Jeezus Christ
That is one fucked up group of people right there.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 25 Aug 2010, 11:52, closed)

Fucked up
in every possible sense
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:23, closed)

If there's an afterlife
...then I firmly believe that there will be a section with big signs up, saying "I DON'T want to talk about it."

There's a great (?) photo of a guy who was "getting friendly" with a chicken, in a quarry. Unfortunately, a boulder fell and killed both him and the chicken, pinning them against another rock still "in position", to be discovered as a frozen tableau of pervyness in the morning.

"I DON'T want to talk about it, OK?"
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 11:54, closed)

Cool...
Can you link the piccie?
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 11:57, closed)

It was years ago I saw it, but
I think this is it

www.documentingreality.com/forum/f10/man-died-after-having-sex-chicken-16434/
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 12:07, closed)

Excellent.
Proooobably staged but, in a way, it's just as pleasing that someone would be mad enough to go to the trouble of faking such a scene.

I'm not a big fan of chickens. I mean, I eat them with regularity but I couldn't really imagine boffing one with it squawking and flapping and generally raising hell.

And, even though their cloacas are flexible enough to produce an egg, their lack of depth would make an encounter with even a fairly modest penis fatal. You'd be fucking giblets. Nice.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 12:46, closed)

mmm, giblets
Hey Ferb! I know what we're gonna do today!
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 13:05, closed)

that was in a Fortean Times book of Strange Deaths
along with the guy who wedged a chainsaw between two trees and ran into it.

Fairly sure the stuff in the book was all true.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:39, closed)

I think I read something somewhere...
About ladies in ancient times who enjoyed placing Chickens in their love valleys (head first).

Hmm.. I might be making it up but I do remember a painting entitled: 'Leda and the Swan' of course its an entirely fictional scenario but I hope it gives some weight to my mad ramblings.
(Rubber Fish is waiting, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 13:32, closed)

It would peck at
a lady's love-tunnel in a most undesirable fashion, wouldn't it? A (non moray/congar) eel would probably be a better bet.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:42, closed)

I really hope...
This becomes a fossil only to be found in a few millenia,
"Such liasons were quite normal in this era."
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 12:06, closed)

Brings a whole new meaning to
which came first, the Chicken or...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 12:08, closed)

Ha ha! Indeed!
Future chilren will snigger as the history teacher moves towards the inevitable, "Ancient man expressed his reverence for the chicken in ways that may seem ...strange to us today."
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 12:49, closed)

There's probably a whole group of people
Who've fallen foul of the asphyxiwank thing just huddled under those signs.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 12:42, closed)

Wow...so this is what it looks like to die by analhorsesex
lbn.threat.tv/mrhands.mpg
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 13:27, closed)

Check this version out
It's much funnier, and has sound
lbn.threat.tv/mrhands_alt.mpg
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:11, closed)

Cunt!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:02, closed)

Is that
actually a video of it happening? Haven't you got email accounts to be hacking?
(Psymon_Spark Jesus Saves! The rest of you take 4d6 damage, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:13, closed)

Done my quota for the day thanks.
Do you have an email address you'd like accessed?
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:33, closed)

For those of us unable to access this stuff at work,
any chance of a brief synopsis? Ta.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 25 Aug 2010, 14:18, closed)

Erm. Oh, my good God.
Basically a man is shagged by a horse. Initially his assistants try to stop the horse plunging itself in too far but eventually it gets some deep penetration and you can hear Kenneth grunting in a mixture of pain and pleasure. The horse dismounts, its thingy drippin horse-batter, after what can only be around thirty seconds. Then the footage comes to an abrupt end. It's weird to know that that arse belongs to a man who's going to be dead in less than 24 hours. Watch with a vom-bucket to hand when you get home!

*Edit. Jesus, it really breaks down his back doors like a battering ram. Also noteworthy are three strange protuberances on the rear of the man's scrotum. Piercings probably but it's hard to tell in the darkness of the stable. I'm assuming that Mr Hands is the name of the horse? *Clenches buttocks forever*
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 15:35, closed)

true, he was dead within 24h
but for a little while, he was in a stable condition.
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 18:48, closed)

Oh lord.

I highly recommend NOT watching this.
(XmanX captain upsetter hahahahaha, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 17:49, closed)

oh my FSM
Once seen can never be unseen....
(Atomised teabagged your mum on, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 18:08, closed)