What a great opportunity to air my preferences on a forum like this.
I think I'm pretty normal although I do enjoy a spot of 'squelching'. (not to be confused with 'snurging') What really turns me on is to sneakily shit in women's handbags.

The first time was when I was about 16. My aunt was staying with us and one morning I got up early and spotted her handbag in the kitchen. I was actually on my way to the bog for a morning dump so I was 'loaded'. Nobody was around so I emptied my arse inside the bag. From that moment, I was hooked. Now I crap in handbags whenever the opportunity arises. I find the A&E department at the hospital a real turn on. It is quite easy to sneak into an accident victim's cubicle and curl on out in their handbag which is usually quite visible.

My most ambitious squelch was at home last week when the woman from Social Services was visiting me on another matter, one which I would not want to enter into on here as it could offend the child, her mother and their neighbour's dog, not to mention the shop that supplied the hose. The woman was taking a statement and asked if she could use the bathroom. I knew she didn't need a bath but she just needed to split the whiskers and as she left the room, I opened my blurter, coiled out a brownie into her briefcase and opened the window to expel the aroma. She re-entered the room and her nose twitched as there was still a slight smell of shyte in the air. I iws thinking on my feet and quickly told her that I had just farted and if she took deep breaths it would go quicker. By now the smell eminating from her briefcase was getting stronger. So strong you could sew a button on it so I bid her good day and showed her the door. To date I have recorded, in pictures, over 276 squelches which you can see on my website http://www.ilikeshittinginwomenshandbags.co.uk/gallery/ There is a lovely picture of my arse on there too.

So how many of you share my fetish then? Oh, and snurging is sniffing bicycle saddles. I'm not a fucking pervert!
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 15:30, 16 replies)

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 15:33, closed)

I believe this one is true.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 15:33, closed)

Is it because your mum came home with shit in her handbag?
Or just a hunch?
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 15:35, closed)

omg! JMG'S MUM HAS GOT A HUNCHBACK!

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 15:36, closed)

Well...
...they are useful if you have a lot of shopping.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 15:58, closed)

LEAVE SNURGERS ALONE!

( Zuowan, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 15:35, closed)

this gave me a right Broom-On

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 15:37, closed)

No
I said no.
(Waspard has your wank bank account details, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 15:52, closed)

how about shitting
in the hand bags of ropey old birds, you have plenty of opportunities.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 15:53, closed)

You have just made my week

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:05, closed)

maybe only for the link
if not the entire piece,

have a click.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:13, closed)

Errr
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.


Have a click.
(Opanoid Look sweats dripping off them, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:27, closed)

As much as this is clearly bullshit
It did make me chuckle heartily at my desk. Have a click.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:41, closed)

Do you realise how many handbags I've had ruined in the past by perverts like you!
Filthy.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 19:59, closed)

Click
for the link.
(RainKing What do I put here then?, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 0:41, closed)

This is hilarious
Maybe you should think about doing some edgy kerrazy bad-taste standup, maybe in the Cambridgeshire fens area? I've heard the people round there aren't remotely like the kind of web-footed inbred halfwits who'd actually pay money to attend a god-awful festival where the headline act is a mongoloid tribute act to the titans of middle-aged mediocrity that is Pink Floyd, so you'd be likely to be really funny and popular.

Go on - I reckon you'll be a great success and might even pull a mature model into the bargain. Great sex whenever you want it? Brilliant.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:23, closed)