Just don't know where I'm going wrong, really...
Maybe I have the wrong viewpoint. I believe that sex is the "unique" element in a relationship that differentiates it from friendship. We can love our friends, have cuddles with them, spend shared time with them and even live with them. All the things that "couples" do you can do with your friends - it's the "going to bed together" bit that is the difference I think between a friendship and a relationship. That mutual attraction that means that you want to bump uglies with someone, not just spend time with them...

That being the case, why is it that sex seems to become such a low priority for the fairer sex once the "honeymoon" period is over ?

OK, I have had less partners than some people I know, but I've had enough thank you very much - women of all (well, not quite) ages, classes, educational levels, nationalities, whatever.

And with *any* woman I'm with I want to give them sexual pleasure. As long as it didn't involve animals, shit or children (and preferably not other people) I'd give it a try - willingly.

You see, nothing is so much of a turn-on as to see your partner out of control with lust. To make them see stars, to see that flush on their face as they pant in pleasure...bring it on, no fetish in my filthy mind could or would compete in terms of getting my rocks off than getting my partner helpless with pleasure...

...and yet, and yet, you can practically guarantee that within a matter of months, their interest goes off the boil. No more impromptu blow-jobs, no more mornings, let alone whole days, when you just lie in bed together. You end up feeling that sex is something that is "given" to you as a favour, to keep you from straying, or basically to shut you up.

That would work fine if I was just into getting my rocks off - but in a situation where you *know* that there's a massive imbalance in desire, you just feel that what should be a glorious *shared* experience is becoming a perfunctory duty. If I could blame this on my inability to do the mechanics of the deed - small cock, premature ejaculation, lack of technique, prudishness - then at least the situation would make sense. Not saying that I am the best lover in the world - how to measure such a thing ? - but those are not issues I suffer from.

So, like I've said in an answer from another poster who seemed to be having the same problem as me - I just feel that I either go in for serial dating from now on (obviously ditching the current gf first, which I don't really want to do) and keep everything short and shallow (in terms of relationship duration !) - or I just give up now and realise that this is the way things will always be.

Because talking honestly and openly about the situation achieves nothing - been there, done that;

And "putting up with it" - done that for too many years.

And funnily enough, whenever I start with a new partner and say how this has been in the past, they can't understand it because they tell me what a good lover I am...

...and then the cycle repeats.

Sorry, this hasn't really involved fetishes, has it really ?

Can't beat a woman's bum. Just can't beat it...
( I_Was_Mordred, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 12:46, 12 replies)

Bloody hell!
You've been unlucky.
( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 12:51, closed)

I second that
cos that isn't my experience... even with my long term boyfriends that I've then broken up with, I don't go off sex (except once).

Am single now. Can't think why...
(Clarabelle is reverting to type on, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 12:56, closed)

Pfft
"Can't beat a woman's bum. Just can't beat it..."

Oh yes you can, you can beat it pretty hard...
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 13:24, closed)

I think
it's an oversimplification to call sex the only difference between a relationship and a friendship. There's far more emotional intimacy, mutual reliance and support in a relationship.

Close friendships can be intense, but not really on the same level as a relationship.
(LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 13:25, closed)

Well, for most friendships I would agree...
...however for those of us lucky enough (like me) to have one or two really close friends, you know that in the words of that dreadful song, they will "be there" for you and those are generally the people who not only know all your dark secrets but will still be on the end of a phone for you at any time come day or night, and the same applies vice versa.

Or maybe it's just my friends have got me through my darkest moments, almost all of which are caused by relationships...
( I_Was_Mordred, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 13:38, closed)

:( sad face
I feel your pain, I can relate with every word of your post.
(Corbo, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 13:51, closed)

You can't cheat
on your friends.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:21, closed)

Ah but
would you only count sexual activity as cheating from a relationship?
(LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:38, closed)

Ridiculous
I'm sorry you've had that experience of dwindling passions from your girlfriends, but I can't imagine this to be false for only me?! I've been with my fella for nearly 3 years and I'm still gagging for it ;-)
(redshoes, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 14:49, closed)

I think....
....we've been going out with the same women.

Agree entirely with every word. Have a clicky.
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:13, closed)

in exactly the same boat
as my post probably indicates :(
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:50, closed)

you've
been really unlucky :(

it might be partially because girls aren't really encouraged even now to look on sex as a fun and guilt-free activity. It always has to be tied to a load of other issues, meaning that even in a LTR sex feels like more trouble than it's worth
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 17:38, closed)