My cock was never going to be enough…

Her name was Kelly and she was my first ‘real fling’. She was pretty and cute as a button, with her pony tail and a lithe young figure that made me the envy of all the boys in our fifth year. She and I would kiss and fondle somewhat on our break-times and had even gone through the ‘parental introduction’ stage...but inevitably, our body clocks were ticking like veritable time bombs inside both of us and we knew that things were going to progress.

We were young, ready for action, and keen to experiment.

One evening, I picked her up from cheerleading practice and we ventured tentatively back to her place to do some homework. However, as she led me through her front door, she informed me that her parents had gone away for the entire weekend and had entrusted us to ’behave’ in the house on our own! – The gullible fools!

Within seconds we had stripped down to the natties and were getting hot-n-heavy on her bed. “I want you…” she said with a throaty, assured tone that belied her young years. They were the single greatest words I had ever heard.

After a few meaningful prods up her moist moip my pent-up teenage spluff dam burst, and I yoinked what felt like half the River Ganges up her, before rolling off and congratulating myself for a job well done, and giving myself a metaphorical ‘high five’ (in my head).

Although I suddenly felt the overwhelming desire to have a bit of a sleep, I then thought I’d better do the decent thing. “Erm... how was it for you then?” I enquired meekly, not really caring about the reply.

“Well actually…” she then enquired purposefully: “…Aren’t you going to...'finish me off'?...”

Realising my selfishness, I sighed before dutifully nodding and sliding my fingers in a half-arsed fashion down towards her gunge-filled gash before delving down and delicately slipping my finger inside what felt uncannily like the slop tray underneath a Guiness tap in the pub.

She responded instantly, and moaned so appreciatively that my flaccid unit was soon starting to twitch yet again.

“More…..more” she whimpered enthusiastically. I took the hint and before I knew it I had gone from a two-fingered ‘Twix’ to the full 4-fingered ‘Kit Kat’. At this point I even considered putting my thumb up her chutney cupboard and using her as a bowling ball, but I was then distracted by her crying out once again….

“More…MORE!”

My suspicions that she was not perhaps as ‘inexperienced’ as I was then started to surface when she continued begging for yet more girth to be hoofed up her quivering, cavernous chuff. In a flash of almost panicked desperation I inserted my entire fist inside her vag and started working frantically away - giving her the full ‘right jab’ treatment as if I was Mike Tyson going whoopass at a punchbag...with tits.

It became increasingly apparent that her fetish was to have something as large as humanly possible jammed into her monumental muffpouch, because she still didn’t seem satisfied. Sure, she inevitably came, and the resulting gushage looked like someone had tipped half a gallon of Baileys into a bucket of wallpaper paste before splooshing the resultant smoothie over the sheets, but the forlorn look in her eye told me that she had experienced better before.

The next night I decided to make more of an effort...and sure enough – after my brief yet satisfying thrunges up her cathedral-sized clammy clopper I realised that the time was nigh to send her to ‘pissflap paradise’ and I soon found myself in the familiar position of being knuckle-deep into her frothing meaty metro system.

I stuck one hand in…and then the other. She arched her back but still easily managed to accommodate the extra limb. I was running out of ideas. Since her eyes were closed I figured it wouldn’t ruin the mood too much what I did, so I briefly pulled out before doing a quick ‘switcheroo’ and inserting one foot, and then the other, up her gaping, dripping, welcoming vertical axe-wound.

She grunted with pleasure as I bent my knees and began laboriously bench-pressing away at her battered beefy quim....I then heard the words that I had now grown to fear like icy daggers through my skull…

“MORE!!!...MORE!!!!”

I looked around for inspiration but the only thing within reach was one of those odd-shaped ‘Ali-baba’ washing baskets shaped like R2D2. I went for broke, reached over and inserted the whole thing inside her in one swift motion. Although her legs seemed stretched to capacity, she seemed to take it in her stride, and continued grinding on the woven bamboo droid impersonator like it was a lubed up rocking horse.

However, pumping away with that thing was knackering and I still sensed the nagging doubt that she was not fully satisfied. I have to admit my confidence was shattered and I seriously considered giving up there and then. I finally realised that I had to break up with her the next day when she started eyeing up my Grandad’s rusty old Ford Fiesta and suggesting we use it as a as sex-toy.

Please bear this story in mind, people – these fetishes might start off as a bit of fun, but they can soon escalate into something out of control.

The last time I saw her she was being escorted away by the Parisian Police with her kex round her ankles after she was caught trying to straddle the Eiffel tower…
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:30, 13 replies)

At this point I even considered putting my thumb up her chutney cupboard and using her as a bowling ball"
For this alone, have a click!
(Mr. Cunt put the indy in kindy., Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:35, closed)

Lovely !!!
Far too busy at work today to be on here, but this was worth the quick skive. Cheers, mate.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:47, closed)

Hurrah
for you, sir. You don't post on here often enough...although I suspect you're masquerading as someone else nowadays...
Have a clicky.
(berk, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:59, closed)

I'm insulted...

I take great offence to that remark.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Fri 23 Oct 2009, 17:48, closed)

decent tale
could do with a bit more punch to it
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 15:59, closed)

I was expecting
a "Have you seen my combine harvester?" punchline.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 16:25, closed)

The floozy!
So that's what happened to my first wife!
(Touji Bugger me sideways!, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 16:36, closed)

*wipes tears from eyes*
The "I like this" button doesn't suffice, we need an "I FUCKING LOVE THIS" button!

Darling Pooflake, you've been sorely missed around here. If this post doesn't win, I shall insert my own leg, right up to the arthritic hip joint, into my own "vertical axe wound".

*sings, "I love Pooflake, best of all the flakey poos"*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 19:36, closed)

Welcome back, Poofers.
Where have you been?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 23 Oct 2009, 20:40, closed)

ah, here and there...

bit 'o' this 'n' that...

*tries to sound 'dodgy'*

*Fails*

I've been having a stab at writing a book but I missed you all so damned much!
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 23 Oct 2009, 20:43, closed)

Writing a book?
Just how hard can 'Janet and John' be?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 23 Oct 2009, 21:25, closed)

Erm.....

Janee.


hang on...



Jent.

oh fucksocks.


Jjjj


buggerflaps

It's harder than it looks you know (and I'm not just talking about my tumescent tadgerpole)

I haven't even got to the part where Janet pulls her gaping, glistening gateway to her guts open yet....
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 23 Oct 2009, 21:32, closed)

How well toned a woman's pelvic muscles are is what ultimately decides how tight her vagina is.
There is no human penis big enough to permanently stretch a vagina. A baby's head, however - that's another story.
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Sat 24 Oct 2009, 0:09, closed)