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This is a question Flirting

Do you flirt with check-out girls just for the heck of it? Are you a check-out girl and flirt with sad-looking middle-aged men for fun? Are you Vernon Kay? Tell us about flirting triumphs and disasters

Thanks to Che Grimsdale for the suggestion

(, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 13:00)
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Losing My Virginity
This is the story of how I lost my virginity.

I still find this incident quite embarrassing and uncomfortable to recall as I am not sure if what I did is actually morally allowed. Please remember that I was young, horny and desperate to get laid for the first ever time. Nowadays if I was faced with the same situation, I would probably run a mile in the opposite direction.

I was 17 and living in Orkney where I was in the middle of my final year at school. At the time most of my days mainly consisted of skipping as many classes as I could reasonably get away with and drinking beer in my house with a few mates since I only lived about two or three hundred yards away from the school.

One afternoon I had a free period and then PE so I decided I would nip home to watch TV first before heading back later on to kick footballs at the folk on the trampolines for an hour. I was walking along the path outside the school when I bumped into a woman that I knew. Her name was Jane.

Jane was a 22 year-old single mum who I had met a few months prior. She was quite short but very attractive with long bleach-blonde hair. It was a nice day out and evidently she was on her way over to my house as well. This was nothing unusual. Her and my step-mum had become quite friendly over the past couple of months so I would see them in the living room together playing games with her son. I would often help out where I could since I quite liked Jane and the kid was pretty entertaining. He had just learnt to walk, and as such, he would take any opportunity to sprint across the room as fast as his wobbly penguin-legs would take him, and would inadvertently crash into walls, chairs, the dog or any other inanimate object that stood in his way. He was comedy gold.

Since she had been coming over regularly Jane and I were getting quite close and she seemed very happy that I was taking an interest and spending time with her son.

When we got to the house she cornered me in the kitchen as I was making a sandwich for lunch.

“You should come over to mine later for tea if you want? I’m making lasagne” she said.

Being quite partial to homemade lasagne, I agreed, since the alternative that night was roast chicken. And I cannot fucking stand chicken.

Later on in the day after I had finished terrorizing everyone in PE, I made my way up to Jane’s house. Because she was a full-time mum the Council had provided her with a nice two-bedroom house that she lived in with her son. The kitchen was attached to the living room so while she prepared the lasagne, I lay on the couch and watched Ed, Edd and Eddy with the kid. I loved that show. I have a sister who is eleven years younger than me and I would sometimes sit and watch cartoons with her anytime I was bored after school. Those were good times.

Anyway, after we had finished eating and the kid had worn himself out, Jane put him to bed and then brought through a bottle of wine. I was still lying down on the opposite couch so I took this as a sneaky opportunity to sit next to her. Over the course of the evening we shared a couple of bottles of wine and watched The Evil Dead trilogy. Romantic I know.

I was pretty inexperienced in relationships and, well, women in general, and I wasn’t accustomed to the basic signs of flirting. At this point I still considered this evening as simply ‘hanging out’. The fact that she invited me over for a cooked dinner should have been a clue. The Von Dutch t-shirt that she was wearing that was so tight I could see her pierced nipples poking through it should have been another. It finally hit home though when she sidled up to me, took my hand and placed it around her shoulder and gazed directly into my eyes with a fuck-me look that could have stopped a ravaging lion in its tracks, with her breasts beckoning me through her tight white shirt.

As inexperienced and naïve as I was, there was no way I could not pick up on that sign. I leaned in, placed my other hand tenderly around the back of her neck and kissed her. And I kissed her some more. Kissing then moved onto touching, touching moved onto rubbing, and before I knew it, she had a hold of my hand and was pulling me towards her bedroom. This was finally it. The day I had dreamed about was finally here.

I followed her into her bedroom, taking note of the vast amount of toys on the floor that I could potentially trip over later, and then proceeded to have the most eagerly anticipated sex I have ever had. It was awesome. There aren’t many things in life that you look forward to as much as having sex for the first time, and it certainly didn’t disappoint.

Now you may have noticed a couple of things from earlier on in the story that I haven’t clarified yet. Like when I mentioned that this was embarrassing? And why Jane was appearing at my house regularly even though we weren’t going out?

Well, the reason for both is that the father of her child is actually my step-brother. So the reason she was over at mine all the time was because she was taking her son to see his grandmother. And the reason why I felt, and still feel, awkward was because even although the sex was great, the woman I had just stuck my penis inside was technically the mother of my nephew. Or step-nephew. Can you even have a step-nephew? Either way, I realize that it was totally fucked up.

And so began my official journey into the depraved world of flirting.
(, Tue 23 Feb 2010, 19:48, 22 replies)
Nice story
You have absolutely done nothing ethically wrong in my short book of morals.

In fact you should be decorated for valour.
(, Tue 23 Feb 2010, 20:33, closed)
It was Orkney.... pretty tame familial fucking by that lot's standards.
(, Tue 23 Feb 2010, 21:01, closed)
everyone likes roast chicken.
(, Tue 23 Feb 2010, 21:11, closed)
Are you a alien?
(, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 9:18, closed)
Not the chicken that was cooked for me back in the day. It was dry and tasteless and just generally shit. I don't mind chicken legs now though, they go down quite well with barbeque sauce. Still not that keen on roasts though.
(, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 12:08, closed)
to quote the late, great tony hart...
"i didn't lose my virginity. i know exactly where it went!"
(, Tue 23 Feb 2010, 21:24, closed)

(, Tue 23 Feb 2010, 21:55, closed)
it morphed
(, Tue 23 Feb 2010, 22:13, closed)
Is there any wonder
that Orkney has a gene pool so shallow that you couldn't drown in it? LOL.

Seriously though, you were quite right to pump her. No moral problem there at all.
(, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 9:30, closed)

Agreed - no problem whatsoever.

She wasn't in a relationship. You were free, so was she.
(, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 10:23, closed)
This did actually bother me for quite a while but it's good to know there are other people with questionable morals out there too!
(, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 12:17, closed)
I would have :)
(, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 10:52, closed)
South Park
(, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 12:20, closed)
I've read this post twice
and honestly can't see the problem with what you did.
(, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 12:48, closed)
He means he had to read a second time 'cos he hadn't quite got to the vinegar strokes...dirty, dirty boy...

(, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 14:03, closed)
Another "meh" from me
Barring any other genealogy you haven't mentioned, the woman is no blood relation of yours at all. It even used to be considered the honourable thing for single men to marry their brothers' widows.
(, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 12:51, closed)
Aside from her going out with my step-brother and having a kid together, I'm not aware of any other connection. They weren't married so I guess she was fair game.
(, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 12:59, closed)
She certainly sounds game

(, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 13:22, closed)
Nice effort!
I've got a mate at uni who did something similar, so he claims, but without the questionable moral situation of knowing the child was a (somewhat removed) relation.

That said, I can't talk about morals, I lost mine to a girl 3 years older, who I told several times I was in love with over the 4 month relationship. This was a blatant lie. I only managed to break up with her by not talking to her for a week, such was my pathetic life at the tender age of 17.
(, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 18:44, closed)

Well at least it happened young enough for you to learn from it I suppose. You did learn you're lesson, right??

I can't talk from experience though because I've never told a woman I loved them to get sex. Alcohol usually helps me there!
(, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 20:23, closed)
No blood relation
I know of women (well one woman) who have had kids with three different brothers, so each kid is a cousin and a brother and uncles are also half brothers dads. So what you did was commendable. Did he ever find out?
(, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 19:31, closed)

I bet Christmas' were fun in that family! And what about birthdays... do they even make cards that say 'Happy Birthday Brother/Cousin'?!

I'm not sure if he ever found out, I haven't spoken to him for a couple of years. I doubt it would be a good conversation starter either!
(, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 20:06, closed)

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