More like intended sabotage, really
Tonight, two of us made dinner. Seeing as our budget is fairly tight (the equivalent of $4/person/day) we only had 1 kilogram of chicken breast for seven people. We determined that each person could only have one piece each.

Paul (name not changed), the resident whining know-it-all, took four pieces. After wolfing them down at a near-relativistic speed, he complained that the chicken was too spicy and that we should not cook again.

I need to do something fairly drastic to his food next time I cook, does anyone have a suggestion?
(Tiktock Beating off flamers with a shitty stick, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 18:24, 17 replies)

Slip him some crushed sleeping pills
and shit in his eyes
(sailorspoon started wiping his own arse from, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 18:27, closed)

Put
bird eating spiders up his bum. They like chicken. I'm sure they'll find it.
(GONEism, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 18:30, closed)

Too spicey?
Coat all his food in tobasco sauce. And line the insides of all the glasses with it too so when he goes to get a drink to help his burning mouth, it will just become worse. muhahaha
( Mellicious is made of candy, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 18:31, closed)

stab him
in the face
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 18:45, closed)

Done.
Know anything about body removal in Tel Aviv? I have a malodorous 300lb parcel to dispose of.
(Tiktock Beating off flamers with a shitty stick, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 20:22, closed)

on a food budget?
eat him.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 20:33, closed)

Tell him
he's no longer included in communal dining?
(Eeh Blah Gum, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 18:45, closed)

I can try
...but an act of supposed barbarity such as that will probably result in me being forced to shit in my own food. This house runs on a quasi-socialist ideology, founded on Nazi doctrine. We share, even if it kills us. Good suggestion though, he needs to lose some weight.

Personal suggestion: add some soap to his food, as a reminder to shower more than once in three weeks?
(Tiktock Beating off flamers with a shitty stick, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 18:52, closed)

Just
tell him not to be a such a whiny, selfish cunt.

If that doesn't work, do what spimf said... that'll learn him.
( Moey, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 19:04, closed)

call a house meeting
then tell everyone that the reason there wasn't enough chicken to go around was because he'd eaten 4 times the amount he'd been told he could have, then complained. if the sheer embarrassment of having the entire household calling him a greedy, fat, selfish cunt doesn't stop him, each house member should vote for him to move out.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 19:56, closed)

Agreed
A little public humiliation can go a long way, especially with those who think they're above others.
(louveciennes , Volvospotter, Sun 21 Sep 2008, 18:43, closed)

Why didn't you
Smack his greedy paw with the serving spoon when he went for more than one piece?
(DryGoldfish, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 20:15, closed)

Self-service,
and I was busy enjoying the fruits of my labours.
(Tiktock Beating off flamers with a shitty stick, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 20:21, closed)

Dave's insanity sauce?

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Sun 21 Sep 2008, 3:50, closed)

Any ideas apart from the usual soap, salt, laxative or bodily fluid additives?
1. Purchase some scotch bonnet peppers or chili/peppers with a similar "kick" - you can probably get scotch bonnets from an afro carribean store but some main supermarkets seem to be selling these now. Jalapeños are not strong enough for this.

2. Make any dish that has chilies or peppers in it to avoid suspicion. Make sure victim's portion of food is dosed with scotch bonnets instead of normal chilies/peppers.
( Templeton Blah, blah, blah..., Sun 21 Sep 2008, 11:02, closed)

Rape him.
In the mouth.

And film it.





And post it here.
(Scrumpy does not negotiate with terrorists,, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 12:07, closed)

Woah! Woah! Woah!
not cool, man! that is not cool!
(ShitBitch, Tue 23 Sep 2008, 14:17, closed)