Ex Wife
.
A couple of years back I was having a pint with a couple of mates in my local. Also in the pub was my ex-wife with her coven.

So Alex says: "Hey - walking down to the pub tonight I found a tenner in the gutter"

As he said this my ex-wife loomed closer to the bar.

"You want to be careful mate - last thing I found in the gutter I fucking married." I growled

You could have cut the tension with a knife. Ex-wife stormed out of the pub and spent the rest of the night rampaging around the village like a wounded elephant (which, to be fair, she did resemble.)

Sometimes, just sometimes, you get the last word in.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 10 Nov 2008, 7:11, 10 replies)

He..
I used to refer to my ex and her sister as the coven. Spiteful bastards. They weren't amused. Then again, very little amused them.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 10 Nov 2008, 7:24, closed)

Bang!
Direct hit! Hahahahaha!

I am in a relationship with a selfish witch.

I am british and she is french.

I moved to france to be with her. D'oh!

I have to leave, for the sake of my sanity.

I have no money left. Help me....

Somebody....... :(
(setesh, Mon 10 Nov 2008, 7:45, closed)

Ouch
Sucks for you mate. Start getting savings together in an account which she doesn't know about, book a plane ticket, and get the hell out of there.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 10 Nov 2008, 8:27, closed)

god damn your eyes man!
that would merely lower you to the level of the french...

cheese eating surrender monkeys the lot of them

do what any self respecting british chap would do. take out a decent policy on the shrew.

build a solid alibi

purchase one spade, one large roll of heavy duty refuse sacks, a nice new hammer and sort it out like a ruddy man

then find a splendid young filly and keep her in her bloody place this time

!
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 10 Nov 2008, 10:40, closed)

Ohhhhh, how you temp me.
Hahaha!

I like that one!

Well, I have started saving but the road is long and tough.

Heh, stiff upper lip and all that.

Bally hoo!
(setesh, Mon 10 Nov 2008, 14:26, closed)

Hitchhike, man
Get out of there! Surely you've got friends / family in Blighty who can help you too?!

There's always a way, even if you have to work your way back (and I'm not talking about lorry driver's cock, here)

Good luck!
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 10:33, closed)

...
I remember this night - they had to underpin the foundations in the pub the next day - the aftermath while she stamped about was like a certain scene in Jurassic Park...in fact it was like a few scenes from Jurassic Park.
(i anglepoise, Mon 10 Nov 2008, 8:26, closed)

I refer to my ex
As Voldemort.... as in She who must not be named, due to the grief and negative feelings the name magically conjours up in me and my new partner.

However congrats on an exceptional and well timed put down!
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Mon 10 Nov 2008, 12:24, closed)

I was hoping that you would post this.
One of your better shots, really. Well played.

*click*
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 10 Nov 2008, 14:11, closed)

Pah!
Serves her right, could she not find another local if you were in there?
Bad form I say, therefore she deserves all she gets, and you were very restrained in your put down...

Setesh, you might find that it becomes slightly more bearable, because you know that you're working on your escape plan, so it becomes an anchor in sanity for you.. Best of luck with it all though, hang in there..
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 22:44, closed)