RE everyone i've offended
Ok, ill clear up, im sorry for causing offense. Our bunch of friends are utterly shite to one another, and believe me ive had my fair share. The dog wasnt killed by us (honestly), the dog was kept out in the back, no where near the front door, and it was a coincidence that it died that week (i later found out it had been ill for a while). But at first, we did think it was us, and at the time i thought i was the most evil shit in the world, and i still do for the things we did back then. Thats why i posted that version of events. I can honestly say ive grown up from then, and this is a way of me getting it off my chest, so to speak. No doubt i'll get some more abuse for posting this- i apologise for making the story worse that it was. Ill get back to lurking
(weasel-pleaser, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 17:05, Reply)

Hey look…


…Seeing as it’s Thursday, and we’re all sitting around waiting for a new question, I don’t mind spending a little while defending my fascistic postings against the poster affectionately known as ‘twat’.

I’d be the first to agree that many of my posts are far from humorous, but I do try to make my un-humorous posts either interesting or entertaining. My concern with Twat’s posting was that as it totally lacked any sign of humour, I was led to believe that it was a true story describing what can only be described as a sickening and harrowing ordeal guaranteed to cause life-long trauma to the poor victim.

After reading this board regularly for some time now, I think (and I stress think) I can tell when a poster is serious, when they are exaggerating, when they are lying, when they are lying for comic effect and when they are posting a totally fictional but entertaining story. To me, Twat’s post came across as a confession, and as such, was much more worrying (to me) than the sickest of sick jokes; I think this feeling was shared by others.

As a regular to the board, I do not feel that it was out of place for me to register this concern. By all means post your own views, I can take it if you don’t agree with me and I don’t mind.

Anyway, let’s have the next question.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 16:57, Reply)

Question Of The Week (Translated)
Being A Proper C**t
This one time, I did something quite bad, which, looking back on it I regret and feel quite ashamed of.

However, I know you bastards have done far worse and you don't even regret it; in fact, you're actually perversely proud of yourselves.

Tell us your stories, so I can feel a bit better about myself and realise I'm not such a bad person after all.


PS: Everything is funny (unless it isn't).
( Beve The Spaniard broke off his horse's head, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 16:54, Reply)

RE apeloverage
Fair one, i realise i missed out a very important part of that story- he is (was) a outright homophobe. Thats what made it so funny for us, and thats why we did it. Im a dumbass, many apologies. Sorry to cause offence! (i also play rugby, well guessed)
(weasel-pleaser, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 16:54, Reply)

School erm, experiences.
best days of your life? bollocks. I utterly detested school, and spent most of it avoiding people, occasionally skipping it and spending the latter years experimenting with alcohol, weed and solvents. I rarely got any hassle, except on two really notable occasions.

The first time, someone took a dislike to me, and so i got the usual pushing around, threatened with being beaten up etc etc, that went on for a few days, usually on the way home from school and started getting worse. I decided to resolve this one way or other, and went for a rummage in my dad's garage, finding an 18" long inch diameter metal pipe that conveniently fitted into my army-style school kitbag.

The next day, the trouble was just as bad, highlighting in this twat spitting at me during lunch, covering me in his drool. At that point i decided enough was enough. On the way home, where he met up with me to continue his tirade of abuse for no apparent reason, i swung the aforementioned kitbag (complete with pipe) round on it's strap, catching the guy unawares and full pelt on the back of his head. He dropped, face first like a stone, totally unconscious, leaving me stood next to him, surrounded by a group of instantly silent and shocked looking 14 year olds looking at me. For good measure i gave him a kick or two in the ribs, then walked off.

That got him a fractured vertebrae and a neck brace, and several lost teeth from when the ground came up to hit him, and me a weeks suspension, but also got me a reputation as a nutter not to be bothered, which was great.

The other time i got any hassle, it involved explosives, so i'd probably better not say too much...
(dieselmonkey, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 16:51, Reply)

Nope
Che Grimsdale was offended, and he also submitted a joke about rape.

All generalisations are rubbish.
(you're all a bunch of twats anyway, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 16:51, Reply)

dear mr 'you're all a bunch of twats anyway' some people get offended, others don't - the ones that don't probably did the sick jokes you talk about - are you really dumb enough to generalise ?

people who generalise are all dickheads, everyone of them!...erm

on a lighter note -

video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=-4312730277175242198


.
(Betty Bo Bibster, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 16:49, Reply)

My story
was meant to be semi literate so that it would seem as though it had been written by some idiot. I do find it rather strange that people took such offence at such an obviously made up story on a website that regularly uses rape as comedy material. I remember back in March when that poor young girl was raped in a supermarket and the images board was full of sick jokes. I also remember Che Grimsdale himself posting a joke about two girls getting gang raped and enjoying it. I haven't read the B3TA sick joke book, but I dare say some of the rape jokes will get in there.


Hypocrites, the freaking lot of ya.
(you're all a bunch of twats anyway, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 16:42, Reply)

Going too Far?
you have NO idea...


video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=-4312730277175242198

gets very scary 1 hour 20 minutes into it
(Betty Bo Bibster, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 16:42, Reply)

Nothing that can hurt (only annoy), nothing that can affect professional life, and nothing that can damage relationships

is unfunny. How true.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 16:37, Reply)

once again
"WE signed him up for a gay website, one of those dating things, and he goes literally hundereds of replies within the first month. We became slightly scared at some of the emails we got..."

so you read the replies, obviously just for comedy purposes. Then no doubt you took a hilarious photo of your cock on his face while he was passed out, then shaved his arse...

While the 'straight lads helping each other out' vibe is no doubt titillating to the gay persons on here, once again I say...dear rugby oafs, just come out already.

Seriously, if you have a profile on a given dating/relationship/sex site, and you're reading through hundreds of replies, then you have an interest in that kind of dating/relationship/sex, and projecting it on to someone else isn't fooling anyone. Well, apparently it's fooling the engineering intake of several British universities, but other than that not.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 16:36, Reply)

Luckymcd
well said
(Handel blah blah blah, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 16:34, Reply)

Many Moons ago!
When i was in the scouts (dont laugh is was the thing to do then), i had some how made it to the high ranking level of PL (patrol leader) and thus ment i was incharge of about 8 younger kids, now of course i treated them like my own personal slaves and had them doing everthing for me when we where on camp, This was all very well as they seemed to like it (well thats what i thought), Anyhoos on camp i had a new kid put into my partol and he was a gooby little scroat at the best of times and after the 3rd day on a week long camp he had realy gotten on my bugle.

SOOOOOO.... i had words with him and told him that is if he didnt start behaving (and become one of my slaves) then i would give him a lesson that he wouldnt forget. Of course he didnt so, I Bungee strapped him to a tree and left him there, at first he was giving me all abuse and stuff so i left him to it, and sort of forgot about him......anyways about a hour later i thought that i had better go see how he was getting on and unfortunatly he had gone a very strange colour and when i untied him the masive rush of blood caused him to pass out!

To far? yes most prob. Did i shit myself thinking i had killed him?..... yes!

He's didnt come back to scouts after that, dont know why!

Sorry for Girth etc!
( caffeinefreak, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 16:33, Reply)

Everyone is going too far
Never before have I seen such cliqueness on b3ta. It is disgusting, I didnt read the rape story but after seeing the shit which people type up here I'm amazed that anyone is complaining about the lack of taste the post may have had. No, rape is not really a laughing matter but many, many people on here have used it as a comedy goldmine (myself included) logs, eyes and that showoff from the bible comes to mind. So after dentist boy got it in the neck last week, you all seem to have found another character to slag off. So we can only write our things if we are one of the chosen few or otherwise God help us when the masses turn against us.

Some of us aint that funny (I'm looking at me) and some of us are much funnier than the rest (legless, frankspencer amongst others I'm looking at you here) but can we leave the nasty, spiteful undertones some of these messages have at the door please? Or am I taking it all too far?
(luckymcdanger, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 16:24, Reply)

Even I have limits!
Nothing that can hurt (only annoy), nothing that can affect professional life, and nothing that can damage relationships.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 16 Nov 2006, 16:15, Reply)

Disasterprone
Yes. There are a lot of proper arseholes on here, if their stories are true.
(Christopsy, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 16:11, Reply)

Aren't there a lot of bullies on here!
If you pick on someone constantly and go as far as killing their dog or advertising them a paedophile (please note ph rather than f) they are not your friend.

You should be ashamed!
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 16 Nov 2006, 15:59, Reply)

Variation on a theme
I was watching TV when my mate came to sit down on the sofa with me. I moved up a bit to make room for him ... and accidentally slipped into a space-time continuum which transported me to the icy wastes of Uranus.

I had moved too far ...

[Never mind. I 've got some work to do today. I'll get back to it.]
(frankspencer, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 15:36, Reply)

Shenanigans
Years ago I was given admin privleges to cover holiday leave. One drunken afternoon I changed my fellow colleagues passwords for what I (at the time) thought would be a giggle. Some of the more choice one's were

iamadog
bumboy
mongcentral
cumbucket

My colleagues were forced to enter these everytime they logged on...
(flibbley lame balloon man far and wee, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 14:41, Reply)

Video Evidence
Back at a mates house after a night out partying, one my friends, lets call him X, passed out on the couch. Another friend lets call him Y, saw the perfect opportunity to have some fun, so out came his old man. Y then proceeded to wipe his cock across X’s face ensuring there was full lips to cock contact.

Some may say that was taking things to far. Oh on the contrary...what was was recoding the whole incident on Y’s phone and then sending it to X’s phone as a little present. The best thing was X didn't have his phone on him so didn't get the message until the next day when he arrived home.

Let's say he was the happiest of people when he saw the video.


Pop... there it goes.
(hooj was born on the, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 13:55, Reply)

I don't think it was convincing.
It was semi-literate for a start.

Absolute shit. And the fact you thought it genuinely funny is disturbing. You are a div.

PS Is there a better example of why an "I don't like this" button is a great idea...

Mind you, some of his posts are ok, so let's not hold it against him...

(was my sympathy going too far?)
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 16 Nov 2006, 13:55, Reply)

I would repost,
but I didn't actually save my little story, and I don't think I could do it justice the second time round. It's a shame though. It was obviously quite convincing.
(you're all a bunch of twats anyway, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 13:44, Reply)

Hold on a Minute V2.0
Not only gay.. but indecisive... first hes licking and then hitting... :o)

To answer THAT BLOKE's question... I'd take the "kill the other one" option... Mainly because my partner is a lass, and subsequently i'd not raise a hand to her... and I'd thump the living shit out of any man who filled my boot (as it were)...


MODS: delete at will... but you have
However.. depends on if you love your fella.. why hit him if you love him. Take it all out on the stranger.

If you don't love him.. thump at will!!
Admittedly... given the choice between two blokes to hit... hrm. tough one. What if the newbie was cute?

Hmm... I too would be highly disgruntled to teh point of violent insanity if I were to be "treated" to the sight of my lass with another guy.... but i'd still not hit her. I'd be mentally mean: something i excel at.

If she were male (WTF am I talking about here) I guess she'd get a pasting too.

Very interesting moral dilemma.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Thu 16 Nov 2006, 13:31, Reply)

the violent rape of a 15 year old..
Was she fit?

EDIT FOR THE FUCKTARDS: This is my entry. It's going too far.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 13:26, Reply)

Heheheh...
...bugger off Legless (pun intended) ;)

MODS: I know, it's a reply - okay, FOUR now - get rid at your leisure.

IHAVERUNOUTOFCOKE: Who cares? It was made up, out-of-order as it was. And who's the fucktard? One who despises making fun of something like rape, or one who does so without a thought? Think it over, fucktard.

HUMPTY: I love him a lot, but any such sentiment would evaporate instantly should I be treated to the sight of him betraying me in such a manner - beware a woman spurned? - the X chromosome has fuck-all :) As for the choice between the two, well it's most likely that the BF will be the bigger and stronger of the two, so I've condemned myself to the most difficult and possibly painful choice. I considered rewording my entry from 'taking the licks' to 'taking the blows', but decided that would be even more confusing :)

DISASTERPRONE: For once, I agree with you, both on twat's post and the PS - a 'This Sucks' button would come in useful - if it's clicked X number of times the post is scrapped on auto - certainly save the mods some work. Hmmm, I feel a feature request coming on :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 13:25, Reply)

Hold On A Minute
.
Thatbokeoverthere is GAY! Eeeewwwwwww!

I know b3ta allows all sorts but that's going too far. Before you know it we'll have bloody women and foreigners on here next!

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 13:22, Reply)

"joke" parking Ticket.
One of our guys parked in the company carpark in a "motorbike" slot.. Yesterday.

Fair play. it's minus 5, it's snowing (sweden you see) and no swede will ride hsi Motorbike in this weather. Still... someone got a company letter-head... printed a great letter quoting some laws, and made a joke parking ticket.

This has caused uproar... The ticket was obviously fake.. but as company letterhead was used they're trying to find the culprit in order to fire them for "Attempted Fraud"

Fecking Jobs-Worths.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Thu 16 Nov 2006, 13:14, Reply)

May Boyfriend and Ay...
...have chatted on occasion about infidelity, or more accurately the price that would be exacted for it, if discovered.

His view is that even if he found me balls-deep in another lad in our bed, he wouldn't lay a finger on me, electing instead to do some serious damage to my unfortunate partner-in-crime, doubly so if it was someone he knew I cared about.*

My take is different: if I ever found him in a compromising position then he would be the one taking the licks, and I would only pause to spark his squeeze if he got in the way.* After all, the BF is the one who would be cheating, right?

The look I got from him when I told him this was definitely in the 'too far' category, but I don't see what the problem is.

Whaddaya think? Am I out-of-order? The rules of who-you-can-belt-and-who-you-can't are blurred under the circumstances :)

* And for the record, the pair of us are big, ugly and ill-tempered enough to make good on these rather negative promises. Mistaking either of us for your stereotypical limp-wristed spoon is indeed a mistake, and one that more than one dickhead has been warned against making :)

EDIT: For those with a need to know, Twat's post was a fictional, if graphic and thankfully quite brief account of the violent rape of a fifteen-year-old-girl by him and his friends, also around the same age at the time. That outline is all anyone needs - fits into the scope of this QOTW only in that the post itself was a step too far, as Che G says. Thing is, the question was asking for actual experiences - anecdotes, if you will - so what he did essentially is miss the point and hit a lot of folks' aggravation lobes instead.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Thu 16 Nov 2006, 12:50, Reply)