Greedy cow
Now me and the other half are planning our wedding together and we've hit a brick wall because of her greedy nature. Now I am prepared to except all the vows, except one line - I'll love you now and for eternity.

She want's me for eternity, I kind of had other plans for the afterlife.

*apologies for lack of nom nom*
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 10:43, 67 replies)

I reckon you probably squeeze in a reference to having a wedding cake and eating it here.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 10:47, closed)

I think you've just done that AB
Well played....But it's not too much to ask Shirley?
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:08, closed)

When my mate got married two years ago, like any groom he had very little to do with it other than as a provider of credit card details.
His commnet was "All I know is that all the stuff for weddings comes in units and multiples of £500."
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:04, closed)

Oh god tell me about it!!
If it was up to me registry office and then to the pub for a buffet. I've been to a few like this and they're a laugh.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:10, closed)

Why isn't it up to you?
Are you dreadfully pussywhipped? Or just a really pisspoor match for your future spouse?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:33, closed)

You are and will always be a sweaty virgin.
This conversation is about things which will never concern you.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:35, closed)

Oh man, Shambles totally got TOLD.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:36, closed)

omg like TOTALLY lol

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:40, closed)

Oh man, sick burn.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:37, closed)

You kids and your coded language.
In my day sick burn meant jolly good countryside in Scotchland.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:44, closed)

Zing!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:41, closed)

Pew pew!

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:48, closed)

goo.gl/uVRxg
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 12:17, closed)

QOTW is like art, in that it holds up a mirror to life
That's why the trolls see sweaty virgins everywhere and assume that everyone who claims to have had sex is a liar.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:56, closed)

This place is obsessed with the word "troll".
It's like the throwaway meaningless insult of choice. I'm not sure I've ever seen it aimed at somebody who was genuinely trolling. In fact, it's probably used by people who are trolling more than by anybody else.

qotw is the board that cried "troll".

/bugbear
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 12:09, closed)

Oh you awful bully.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 12:59, closed)

I fucking love trolling trolls
they go for it every time
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 13:45, closed)

Serious question: what are you blathering on about?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 13:55, closed)

She got upset at your post. Instead of admitting that she got upset, she's claiming that she was trolling you back. Because she thinks you're a troll.
Trolling trolls is something upset people like to claim they do.


( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:14, closed)

*slow hand clap*
two attempts and you still can't work out how to post HTML

[edit] ooh, third time lucky. Well done that man.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:15, closed)

Yes. It's a fact that often keeps me up at night, worrying. Or not. Who knows?
Me. I do. And it's not.
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:16, closed)

holy fuck I've attracted another one
are you someone I've annoyed in "real life" or just another random internet spastic, because I'm having trouble keeping count now
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:18, closed)

I'm not sure what part of my post is making you think that you've annoyed me.
Have you thought about maybe just calming down a bit?
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:19, closed)

Ah, another random internet spastic then
Jog on
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:23, closed)

Haha, oh wow. This is brilliant.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:29, closed)

See ... you've just made a dick of yourself for absolutely no good reason.
I don't get it. What was that for? You normally seem like a relatively sensible person. And yet you pretty much just acted out the cartoon that thumbfingers posted.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:47, closed)

I've not got much on this afternoon

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:55, closed)

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:15, closed)

If you spent less time on /talk
you guys might get it together enough to post an image properly one of these days
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:20, closed)

Let's get this clear.
THIS is trolling.

Going 'NO U' isn't.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:34, closed)

Relax
It's just a joke

like Stewart Lee tells

about Top Gear
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:54, closed)

"JOKES ON THEM I WAS ONLY PRETENDING"

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:13, closed)

And it worked, didn't it?
I've drawn out you, Badger and some random /talktard who just seems to have joined in because he wants to look tough in front of the big boys

All I need is Rory Lyon and I'll have the complete set :)
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:17, closed)

What worked?
Both me and Badger were in this thread before you. What exactly do you think you have done apart from make a bit of a dick of yourself?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:22, closed)

Amused myself for an hour or so?
Isn't that what a light-hearted comedy website is for?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:28, closed)

Stop it, stop it, stop it
I don't like it when Daddy and Daddy fight
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:35, closed)

We're not fighting
This is a special kind of love we don't tell mummy about
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:36, closed)

Haaaaaaahhahahahahahahaha

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:40, closed)

Fair enough.
Top or bottom?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:44, closed)

I'll go top
as I want to go and sit in the sunshine soon and I'm very quick when I put my mind to it
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:48, closed)

"Troll" on here means "someone who must be silenced".
Nothing more, nothing less.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 18:25, closed)

Quiet you.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 18:28, closed)

It was a sticking point but
I'll beat my manly hairy chest have a debate, agree that i'm right and that will be the end of it. After all it's my day!
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:37, closed)

I'm sure you'll look RAVISHING in peach chiffon.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:44, closed)

Cheers

(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:52, closed)

It's what we did
Register Office (not registry) and then to the pub for a meal. The entire wedding cost us about £200 including the meal for 13 of us.

Oh, and don't be swayed if she gives you the 'happiest day of my life' line. Tell her that implies it goes downhill from here on in. I can assure you that the happiest days of your life will be watching your kids being born.
Ask Dr Shambolic, it's made him a new man. He even makes meringues and custard, whodathunkit?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:43, closed)

We went to a michelin starred restaurant on account of me being a massive fucking ponce.

edit: and I was a massive fucking ponce a long time before I got married ... I've been making custard and meringues for at least twenty years.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:45, closed)

To me
Michelin means tyres and implies men with a no O' levels sucking their teeth, telling you "it's gonna cost yer" and then losing your wheelnuts.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:50, closed)

It was exactly like that.
Only they were french and smelled of olive oil rather than castrol.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 12:07, closed)

And I assume
not picking up the bill? ;)
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 12:02, closed)

I did pick up the bill.
I realise it's common practice, but adults who dump the cost of weddings onto their parents and the cost of wedding presents onto their mates are cheapskate, infantile cunts.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 12:06, closed)

^Agreed^
Although my parents have comitted to a few things....Like turning up.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 12:30, closed)

They couldn't miss their big brave boy all dressed up in satin and taffetta.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 12:34, closed)

With all this talk of Taffeta (had to google that) and Michelin star joints
This may affect your internet hard man image...I think SLVA is right, the birth of your little one is turning you soft, haha!
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 12:47, closed)

I didn't realise I ever had an internet hard man image.
And I've got two little ones.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 13:10, closed)

errmm a little
*shrugs*

Not of the Accord variety but more of a not impressed easily standpoint.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 13:21, closed)

Dammit.
I totally want to be the Honda Accord variety chop socky massive drugs variety.

:(
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:08, closed)

Mine turned up.
I wish they had been committed!

I went with the registry office and restaurant meal for the congregation (or audience I suppose seeing as it wasn't in a church). Pub, free bar and buffet for all of my mates and work colleagues a week or so later.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Tue 19 Apr 2011, 18:43, closed)

I'm hoping you didn't take Mrs SLVA
and your guests to Pizza Hut :\
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 12:07, closed)

I wouldn't sweat it
You'll be dead anyway

Unless she dies first, in which case she'll never know
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:23, closed)

He should make a point of standing over her grave and tearing up his copy of the vows.
That'll show the unreasonable harpy.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:32, closed)

Lols at 'harpy'
Though 'harridan' would also have worked
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:44, closed)

Emvee
You've just made little baby Jesus cry ;(
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:34, closed)

If you think that's bad
Just wait until Easter, they fucking crucify the bastard
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:51, closed)

haha!
It's probaly bad that all I could think of when you said that was hot cross buns, mmmmmmmmm *runs off to grab lunch*
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:53, closed)

Serves him right for stealing all those hubcaps.

(Bushcricket, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:54, closed)

They'll try and pin something on him!

( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Tue 19 Apr 2011, 21:19, closed)