The Breaking of Farting Strings.
When I was in my mega fit phase a few years ago (sadly I am now a bit of a fatty) I would try to push my body quite far in terms of exercise. I used to go in my lunchtime so I basically had 2 hours (lucky me eh?) to do my stuff. The gym was great because it used to provide all the clothes and stuff to wear so I didn’t need to bring anything with me.

I was doing some bench presses (on my own which is bad but tyg) and I strained so much that I did a poo. A half solid poo. Unfortunately, as I wasn’t wearing underwear cos I would sweat too much and then need to change them, my poo flew straight out of the gap in my shorts and onto the floor. Worse, this was accompanied by a very loud raspberry. People who didn’t have headphones turned to look at me. Some people came over to stare and be disgusted. I honestly thought I had snapped my farting strings.

My entire body was incandescently red with embarrassment. What was even worse is that I couldn’t lift the weights back onto the hook due to being shit-fit weakened. So I was trying very hard to get the weight from my neck and onto the hook so I could run away in shame, loads of people watching, no one wanting to help because, let’s be honest, I was a public shitter. Then it happened again. This was more diarrhoea now, and I had managed to pump my slurry even further. It hit the closest girl watching in the eye.

I put the weight back on the hook. Cringed my way into a standing position, then pushed my way past the crowd, and ran away. As I left, I glanced back to the bench. There was a good half metre trail of excrement from ground zero where I was lying down, to where the poo finally landed. Some less than stout hearted people were crying. No one said a word.

I left my stuff there, ran home, and never went back.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Sat 11 Jul 2009, 16:14, 17 replies)

I genuinely, really feel sorry for you,
must have been awful
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 11 Jul 2009, 16:26, closed)

Yes
So the moral of the story is to not drink or eat to excess, and try to get some walking in.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Sat 11 Jul 2009, 16:33, closed)

I don't really want to "like" this
But I give you a sympathy click for your troubles. That must have been utterly awful.
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Sat 11 Jul 2009, 18:24, closed)

^
Yes it was shit.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Sat 11 Jul 2009, 19:04, closed)

*click*
I can't imagine the horror, have a click if that helps!
(Penguins_Made_Me_Do_It is a dolt ... and she don't care, Sat 11 Jul 2009, 19:37, closed)

Blimey!
That title really confused me! XD

That's rather admirable, being able to post and joke about it. I'm not nearly so brave or good humoured. =/
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Sat 11 Jul 2009, 20:49, closed)

Nightmare
You poor thing x
(Just a girl., Sat 11 Jul 2009, 21:21, closed)

Really sorry for you
But i haven't laughed as hard in my life.
(NoStrings Tastes like zombies!!, Sun 12 Jul 2009, 0:35, closed)

I very nearly curled one out doing squats.
I now make it part of my pre-gym routine to go to the toilet and empty what can be emptied.
(Toucan - http://www.titmonday.com, Sun 12 Jul 2009, 11:05, closed)

Ew
I've clicked "like", but I'm not sure if "like" is the right word

But thanks - I needed a laugh - it seems like ages since I did that...
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Sun 12 Jul 2009, 12:15, closed)

I'm not sure if I believe you
I mean, it's just too awesome. I just laughed for the first time today, thanks
(oneltrchardonnay, Sun 12 Jul 2009, 15:47, closed)

Never done this
but i quite regularly used to forget to clear the exit route before going for a run. the last km or so on the way home was generally done at a frantic wobble as all the jiggling about tended to churn my guts up to fuck. straight up the stairs to pebbledash the bathroom.

go for a poo before exercise kids.
(Alphabet Soap boshboshboshbosh, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 9:57, closed)

*wipes tears from eyes*
:D
( Monty Propps, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 10:33, closed)

This is fuckin' awesome.
I haven't laughed at a qotw answer in ages, let alone been reduced to a mong-like giggling fit.
Well done!
( Cawl, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 11:12, closed)

Sweet merciful Jebus
You poor, poor man.

*click*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:37, closed)

I just read this on my phone
sat on the loo at work, the people in the cubicles next to me are laughing at me laughing away to myself. Must try and get out without being seen. Help!
(Kip, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 8:19, closed)

I laughed so hard I almost shit
Of course, the key word in that sentence is almost.

Have a *click* for having the bravery to tell this tale, sir.
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 12:43, closed)