Regarding my girlfriend
My girlfriend and I once went out for a cup of coffe. She knows I'm obsessed with my new iPad I got a few months ago. She says to me, "I know you like that but I'm here so you have someone to talk to." I looked up and said, "It's either I play with my iPad or I masturbate on you at home. You pick." There was a soft silence and she said, "Play with your iPad." WIN!!
(ami2weird4u I have 10 penises., Mon 5 Jul 2010, 6:43, 23 replies)

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
this never happened.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 7:43, closed)

Hhahahahahahaha
It did.
(ami2weird4u I have 10 penises., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 0:53, closed)

Christ.
And some people wonder why I take the piss out of you lot.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 11:57, closed)

I'm assuming it'll also be a massive win
when his girlfriend is off fucking someone - anyone - else who isn't a hideously maladjusted social cripple. As he'll have even more time with his shiny emperor's new iPod touch.

But, for the record, I think this is a spoof account. No-one could actually BE this much of cockjockey.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 12:01, closed)

Oh nonsense
Ever Saturday is sex night! (theres an app for that)
(ami2weird4u I have 10 penises., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 0:54, closed)

So is "your girlfriend" an app or something?

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 11:58, closed)

No. I don't do eHarmony

(ami2weird4u I have 10 penises., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 0:56, closed)

i don't even

( ArthurTheRat, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 11:59, closed)

I'm failing to see the bizarre habit here.
Was this just a lying post to tell the internet you have an iPad? I think it was, wasn't it?
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 12:10, closed)

let's not forget:
and a girlfriend. Apparently.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 12:14, closed)

Let's just say my iPad is my habit.
(ami2weird4u I have 10 penises., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 0:57, closed)

AMAZING SEX LIFE

( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 12:12, closed)

Yeah
At diner I talk to her..at home I wrestle her and masturbate on her whenever...but she says, "You keep missing!"
(ami2weird4u I have 10 penises., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 0:55, closed)

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 12:13, closed)

'Masturbate on you'?
You sound like such a fucking charmer.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 12:23, closed)

Yeah, I'd always use the work "wank" or "cum over your beautiful tits".
Still, not everyone has the way with words that I do..
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 5 Jul 2010, 12:37, closed)

"Hey honey would you mind putting down that iPad for a minute so we can have a chat?"
"I'LL SPUNK ON YOUR TITS"
( Theoban What of it, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 12:39, closed)

Surely that would be 'masturbate onto you'?
'Masturbate on you' implies some sort of sweaty, clumsy frottage.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 13:20, closed)

HAHA YEAH
You show that BITCH who's boss right? If some HO was all up ins going at me like 'playa u gotta put down that ipad yo and be givin' me some ATTENSHUN' I'd be all 'YO WOMAN U DU KNOTT SPPEEK 2 ME LIEK DAT I AM THE LASH AND LAW WOMAN' and then I'd be all five fingered slap in her FAYSE yo no bitch be givin' dat 2 me amirite? YAH
( Theoban What of it, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 12:24, closed)

HAHAHA
Abusive relationships are fucking HILARIOUS. Lying wanker.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 12:29, closed)

She likes sperm..
I told her "If you want sperm, get it from a sperm bank.
(ami2weird4u I have 10 penises., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 0:52, closed)

Just get a picture of her and display it on your ipod
Then wank away to your hearts content. You can even take a shit on her if you want.
(Dwarfsmuggler Has hogtied Snow White, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 17:54, closed)

Once did that
The Apple guys dont allow me near their stores again.
(ami2weird4u I have 10 penises., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 0:51, closed)