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This is a question Home Science

Have you split the atom in your kitchen? Made your own fireworks? Fired a bacon rocket through your window?
We love home science experiments - tell us about your best, preferably with instructions.

Extra points for lost eyebrows / nasal hair / limbs

(, Thu 9 Aug 2012, 17:25)
Pages: Popular, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

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Having read it in the newsletter I tried to look clever at a barbeque yesterday, opening a bottle of wine by banging it on the wall
Did it work? Did it fuck.
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:04, 50 replies)
You should've banged it on the shed.

(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:12, closed)

(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:59, closed)
I've locked them all in my shed.

(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:20, closed)
did you put it in a shoe
... as the Viral videos show?
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:41, closed)
Do you have a toy that turns into a corkscrew that could open it for you?
And if so, where in your top ten does it come?
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 10:59, closed)
Ah, that fine "comedy website" element I've been reading about in the clique
I'm not sure there's anything more entertaining than petulant whining on facebook because of nawty steppage, you should do more of that
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:47, closed)
I'm down with that.
That thread where you defended you Optimus Prime porn site was the funniest thing I've seen for ages.
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 12:54, closed)
Like I give a fuck, laugh away
Personally I think it is kind of hilarious having to deal with all those ladies coming round my house to take their clothes off and have their pictures taken. It's pretty funny that one of our recent shoots was in Bizarre and that we're going to make a fortune from our calendar next year. That this also seems to amuse a couple of mongs on b3ta is neither here nor there, really.
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 13:32, closed)
You forgot to mention the bit where you take them home in your Honda Accord.

(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 13:34, closed)
I actually was going to say I'm thinking of buying one

(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 13:34, closed)
So if I get this right ‘Millionaire Emvee’ the most successful bedsit wanker that b3ta has ever known, is making a’ fortune’ out of infringing Hasbro Intellectual Property rights through ‘transformer porn’.
Thanks for the cheap laugh at your expense emvs, you’re quality.

Never give up, never surrender.
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 14:02, closed)
Just in case I was unclear on this last time, you know nothing of any worth or value
And since you strike me as the sort of person who would be amused by shitting into his own hands it doesn't really matter what you find amusing
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 14:15, closed)
The point that I was getting at, apart from you being a bedsit loser, is that whilst you claim that you're making a 'fortune' from commercially available 'transformers porn'
you're not really are you. Hasbro are an enormous multi-national who retain the services of one of the magic circle IP firms in London, and transformers are a toy meant for children. They're not really going to allow you in infringe their IP are they really, you know in the real world. I'm not saying that you haven't got some drunk fat slag from the the pub to stick on a mask or whatever and go 'pewpewpew' but you're never really going to make a 'fortune' from that. You sad wanker.
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 14:29, closed)
Again, you know nothing of any worth or value
You're clearly agitated about something and I think it's kinda sweet that you've got this massive boycrush on me, but your opinion is less than worthless, frankly. You think you know something, but you don't. Good effort, thanks for trying and all that, but sorry, no dice. Because let's face it, if a mindless fuckwit like you can put two and two together and work out that Hasbro might take a dim view of adult-themed copyright infringement, it's fairly safe to assume that I've already thought of it and made sure it's not going to be an issue. You really needn't worry your tiny brain about it any more.
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 14:48, closed)
Great, so your 'Transformers Pornography' is in no way linked to Hasbro's transformers at all.
I must say I'm devastated that you've outed yourself as yet another internet fantacist looking for attention.
If it helps I think you're the coolest bedsit wanker on b3ta and one day you will make your fortune from all your nonsense efforts at zombie films and features of fat slags from the pub getting their chebs out with an optimus prime figurine up their twat for a fiver.
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 15:08, closed)
Why would that help?
If it's not clear that your opinion counts for fuck all around here . . . wait, I mean all your posts . . . wait I mean go and fucking fist yourself you useless tosser.
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 15:23, closed)
his dad doesn't love him, I'm trying to be supportive of emvee during his middle aged crisis of thinking that he's a hasbro toy

(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 15:28, closed)
Oh Rory, such a sad little life
Sitting at home, getting all worked up about stuff that I do. I'm actually warming my hands on your impotent internet rage from here.
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 15:28, closed)
I'm furious with your world of make believe on top internet site for liars QOTW

(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 15:30, closed)
Furiously wanking, more like

(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 15:32, closed)

You know, if you were to head to Give-a-fuck City

You could head downtown and pay $2 to ride the great glass elevator that runs up the side of its largest building, Give-a-fuck Towers. At the very top of Give-a-fuck Towers there is a switch which, when activated, projects the Give-a-fuck sign high into the sky over Give-a-fuck City and deep in the bedrock beneath Give-a-fuck Manor, an alarm will sound in the Give-a-fuckcave, alerting Captain Give-a-fuck that it's time to jump in the Give-a-fuckmobile and then if you're very, very lucky, someone might, just might, give a fuck what you think.
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 15:34, closed)
You wish you were me
So much that you even steal my phrases
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 15:50, closed)
Why think up my own pwnage retorts when yours are so much better

(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 15:55, closed)
Good point
I'm not sure you're even capable of thinking
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 19:08, closed)
To be fair,
he probably doesn't specifically wish he was you, he just depserately want to be be ANYONE but himself.

Objectively speaking, he can hardly be blamed for that, can he?
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 15:56, closed)

Captain Give-A-Fuck isn't in to take your call right now, but if you'd like to leave a message after the tone

I'm sure someone will give a fuck eventually
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 16:10, closed)
rory lyon/plmdzr
The fat spastics fat spastic.

I see you are using the retarded cunt account today instead of the whiny crybaby one.

To be honest I prefer this.

Maybe your pudgy little fingers find it hard to type your angry responses rory but you do try.
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 17:13, closed)
Watching these things from the side-lines
can actually be quite entertaining.
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 20:44, closed)
I'm struggling to make sense of it,
to be honest, but no one is coming out looking very good.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 9:27, closed)
Rory makes up his own story based on the little information he has, then tries to take the piss out of me for it, via the medium of semi-literate prattle. I'd attempt to explain where he's got the wrong end of the stick but there's little point since he can't understand things.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:28, closed)
It's pretty simple Emvs, you've written about your 'transformers pornography' website, which is a pretty sad thing to be boasting about in the first instance
With a bit of questioning it transpires that whatever it is, it aint a transformers porn site.
You could always link it to prove me wrong, but you won't because it's not real.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:47, closed)
It's pretty simple, Detective Dipshit
Up there you wrote: "So if I get this right ‘Millionaire Emvee’ the most successful bedsit wanker that b3ta has ever known, is making a’ fortune’ out of infringing Hasbro Intellectual Property rights through ‘transformer porn’."

You didn't get that right. So essentially, this whole thread has been the result of you getting an idea lodged between your two remaining braincells and running with it despite the fact that you were wrong from the start.

I'll say again, you know nothing of any worth or value. Just stop trying.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:57, closed)
There never was a 'transformers porn' website of a commercial nature or otherwise, is what I've really been getting at
It's ok to be a liar Emvee, this is QOTW after all
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 12:18, closed)
No, you're absolutely correct. I'll put my hand up to that one.
There never was a Transformers porn website. It's far worse than that - we do Marvel, DC, Star Wars, Star Trek, Doctor Who and everything :)

[edit] Actually, this really is hilarious, the stupidest cunt on b3ta proving once and for all what a stupid cunt he really is because let's face it, if I did have such a website and I wanted to drum up some traffic for it, I'd have posted it on /links ages ago. That's the problem when your mom does too much heroin while pregnant, it tends to leave you retarded as fuck, but please, tell me more about how I'm a liar.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 12:33, closed)
Liars always find it difficult to remember what they've lied about
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 15:40, closed)
No, I definitely remember calling you cripplingly stupid
And I've posted the site on /links, so you've pretty much proved it. Flail away, little retard.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 16:02, closed)
If you don't want to post the link to the site that doesn't exist Emvee it's ok, I totally understand

(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 16:24, closed)
I already have
It's not my problem that you're too dense to find it, it's your mum's
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 16:31, closed)

(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 16:43, closed)
It's alright I've found it the Mock Turtle!

THIS IS THE TRANSFORMERS PORN, that has nothing to do with transformers or porn, more an autists version of 'Nuts'. That Emvee's such a fibber.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 16:50, closed)
I think we should all take a moment and celebrate the day Rory learned something
It must be a new experience for him

And yes, I'm a liar, no Transformers porn here at all, no sir
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 16:59, closed)
It's not porn, is it really Emvee. Page three is more explicit.
It's Nuts for n00blings featuring pikey fat birds with council estate tattoos round your bedsit for their 'shoot scenes'
"Here's a fiver love now stick this optimus prime down your knickers" Move over Veronica Moser, it's Emvees transformer porn !!!!
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 17:07, closed)
Again, you know nothing of any worth or value
Keep trying. Oh, but keep posting that link for me, won't you?
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 17:13, closed)
I couldn't decide which is sadder, posting up Nuts for nerds, or believing you'll make your fortune from it one day just watch this space
and then I remembered your comedy t-shirts
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 17:21, closed)
I know what's sadder
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 17:24, closed)
The only winner to come out of this entire debacle is your dad

(, Wed 15 Aug 2012, 12:01, closed)
Actually I did want to thank you for making me feel a bit like Simon Cowell
Because while I wouldn't normally compare myself with the transatlantic media mogul, it is kind of fun to have a bunch of spastics queue up to show you how spastic they are, and then you still get to take the piss out of them afterwards for being a spastic in the first place. It's extremely liberating to watch other people fail so spectacularly badly.

So basically, thank you for being a worthless spastic. Long may you continue to flail ineptly on the internets.
(, Wed 15 Aug 2012, 20:58, closed)
Now see in this block
Rory shows off his new-found ability to create hyperlinks to other articles/websites.
This referential thinking shows a big jump in intellectual growth for our little fella.
Good onya Rory, have a gold star.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 21:36, closed)
That's a worry...
...I have to do that live on radio 5Live next Sunday evening...
(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 13:14, closed)

(, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 13:19, closed)

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