Waterbed
The hardest thing is getting your balance...

Kim had stripped off her jeans and peeled down her panties and was on all fours, wiggling her fine peachy arse, parting her legs slightly so I could see her glorious, wonderful, amazing, glistening pudenda - her beef curtains were so large and pronounced they almost scraped the bedsheets as she beckoned me to jab her valley of a thousand pleasures.

I kicked off my shoes, whipped off my trousers and boxers, and clambered onto the fucker - not Kim, but the fucking waterbed. And fuck me, that was fucking hard work. I instantly felt as if I'd downed twenty Jack Daniels introveniously and lost all motornuron control.

Kim whimpered like a strangled kitten, she was getting impatient. She reached round and stroked her velvety labia and slid an errant finger up her brown bullet hole.

"OOOoooooHHHHhhhhH!!!" she breathed.

And I was harder than a bunch of Millwall supporters at an anger management class in an instant.

I edged closer to Kim, my cock swaying and bobbing with the weird rippling undulation of the water-filled matress. I positioned myself behind her and she grabbed my spam dagger and guided it into her flowing slimey spunk funnel.

I grabbed hold of her hips and pumpped away. It was fucking great... Once I got going the weird inertia of the waterbed actually helped my technique no end.

Kim moaned, I moaned. Then, after exactly two-and-a-half-minutes of superstud action I pulled out and sprayed a thick stream of ropey bollock broth over Kim's arse and up her back.

Spent, we dressed, Kim wiping herself down on the slinky satin sheets.

That's when I turned to the Ikea shop assistant and said:

"That was pretty damn good, mate - can we try that bed over there now?"
( SpankyHanky, Fri 22 May 2009, 13:15, 15 replies)

Haha :D
I'm eating my lunch, and just sprayed crumbs over my monitor in a most undignified fashion
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Fri 22 May 2009, 13:20, closed)

For fuck's sake!
*click*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 22 May 2009, 13:22, closed)

*Clicks*
A welcome distraction on a Friday afternoon.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 22 May 2009, 13:25, closed)

After the second sentence,
I knew who the author was...

...at least it's a happier QOTW this week. Looking forward to more impulse tales from you...I'm sure there are more to cum, so to speak...
( I_Was_Mordred, Fri 22 May 2009, 13:35, closed)

Good work sir!

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 22 May 2009, 13:57, closed)

haha
excellent sir
( Adolf Jitler is editor of Practical Shoelace Collector, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:04, closed)

'bollock broth'...

inspired.

*steals for further usage*

*clicks*
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Fri 22 May 2009, 14:08, closed)

Satin sheets?
In IKEA?

I smell pork pies.





Have a click anyhoo - nice start to my lunch break
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 22 May 2009, 14:10, closed)

Epic work..
...as ever Spanky. You really are a credit to both filth and comedy, but not to the squeamish eyes of the Ikea assistant so it would seem.

Have a click.
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:53, closed)

You are a fool
I love you for it.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:01, closed)

'and then I got told to get off the bus...'
superb. thats caused a loud guffaw at tjn towers.
(tjn whizzing on the electric fence of life, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:08, closed)

You get a click
For ropey bollock broth...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 22 May 2009, 20:55, closed)

Click
you cunt.
(TheColonel, Sat 23 May 2009, 13:26, closed)

For a moment there
it reminded me of one of FrankSpencer's jolly jaunts (yes, I've lurked for a looong time)... are you perhaps related? (incidentally, *click*)
( ejlflop errrrrgs. Regularly., Wed 27 May 2009, 2:12, closed)

Yes
notice how they never post at the same time?
( Sonic the Hedgetrimmer doesn't care what you think, Wed 27 May 2009, 16:25, closed)