Never take pity on people
There was this girl at my school who everybody hated. (No, not me, thank you). She'd never been in any of my classes before Year 10 so I didn't know her - I just knew everybody hated her. She was ugly and geeky with an embarrassing name (her surname was a synonym for toilet...hehehe...) and I assumed that was all that was wrong with her.

So when it came to our first science class in Year 10 and she walked into the room, there was a collective groan. Other students yelled abuse at her every time she made a tentative motion towards sitting next to them. It was horrible to watch. There was an empty seat next to me, so I did what any decent person would have done and beckoned her over to sit next to me.

She quickly revealed herself to be annoying as hell, and whilst the volume of abuse she received from my fellow students was highly disproportionate to the suffering she bestowed upon them, I was starting to understand why she was so unpopular. She was just...SO annoying! And she smelled.

Of course, since I was the first person at school who'd ever been nice to her, I was adopted as her best friend. It was like that episode of the Simpsons where Lisa sends a valentine to Ralph Wiggum out of pity and then he drives her nuts.

The worst thing she ever did was this: There was a boy in my youth orchestra I had a huge crush on and I unwisely showed her a photo of him during a particularly boring science lesson. When she then saw him in town a couple of weeks later, she actually went up to him and told him I'd said we were going out.

"Oh, sorry, I thought he was your boyfriend!"

Well, he never will be now, thank you very much!

I bumped into her a while ago. She was at LSE (good for her) and insisted on swapping numbers with me. As soon as she left, I changed her name in my address book to DO NOT ANSWER.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Wed 2 Aug 2006, 14:46, Reply)

socialised_medicine - good theory
But it really could just be down to two facts:
1) B3tans really don't have that many friends, if we did, we'd be away from the PC and talking to them.
2) Most people just step away from psychos, never to talk to them again. Which, although sensible, leaves a lot of us bereft of good material.
( Far Out Slave last ate at, Wed 2 Aug 2006, 14:14, Reply)

My best friend
I fell out with a guy i've been through almost everything with. We used to be closer than brothers. But I think his g/f is a psycho and she managed to convince him that I was mentally unstable (because I was going through a very messy breakup and had the nerve to start seeing some-one ... Like I'm the only one to find a rose when all around was covered in manure!!)

He did have a point that it seemed a bit soon, but this girl is everything my ex wasn't; she's resourceful, caring, kind, considerate etc etc ... anyway, even my halfwitt brother has noticed the change in me and my home (for the bette) and that's saying something. Everyone who meets her likes her. But still, some-one who was really my best friend doesn't want to know.

Either he's been living out of whistfull feelings, longing for the old days, and hasn't had the balls to admit it; or doesn't have a clue what friendship is about.

It's always sad when something you thought was special goes away, but either the people will come round, or not ... there's not really a loss whichever way it goes.

My point is, don't be bitter at people not understanding you, the chances are you've simply misunderstood them too.
( Far Out Slave last ate at, Wed 2 Aug 2006, 13:56, Reply)

The theory which is mine
There has been some speculation as to why there are markedly fewer posts for this question. After starting several posts myself and then thinking better of it, I realise why there is this dearth of good hot sloppy psycho friend stories:

We're all afraid they're avid readers of b3ta and reading their exploits will rekindle their interest in us.

I, for one, have about ten pages of top-quality material involving my own childhood frolicks, miscellaneous failed love affairs (the Transylvanian, the Soviet Army, S.N.O.W., etc.), and of course Wiccans, but I have no desire to have anyone recognise the details and see it as an invitation to relive the days of auld lang syne.
(socialised_medicine quietly returns to Saskatchewan for Lurkfest 2007, Wed 2 Aug 2006, 13:20, Reply)

My imaginary friend and I
I have had an intense relationship with my imaginary friend Greg Branigan for many years. He has had both a successful and turbulent life as a champion rugby league player, lover of many women and a penchant for strong drink. Some of his greatest conquests have been winning the State of Origin series for Queensland single handedly on repeated occasions, being engaged to Just Shoot Me star Laura San Giacomo, a relationship with Changing Rooms host Suzie Wilks, having a one night stand with pregnant All Saints star Melanie Blatt. He subsequently fled back to Australia after being hounded by Fleet St. His footy career ended with a life threatening injury and he has subsequently gone on to a successful radio career after dabbling in racehorse training. He pursued his one true love Karen, married and they had twins. They are now divorced as he prefers his own company. He has divested much of his wealth into trusts for his children and is taking up a position as football manager of a team in the south of France starting next season. It will be the first time in 32 years my imaginary friend and I will be apart. In a way I will be sad but the memories are golden.
(rodgerroop, Wed 2 Aug 2006, 12:44, Reply)

Too much info...
I once developed a friendship with a girl at work; we used to occasionally have lunch together or chats over the watercooler, very pleasant but would often end up with her telling me about what she 'did' with her boyfriend. Of course anyone talking about sex is interesting but her confessions got more and more extreme until she told me that - whilst they were engaged in anal sex - she suggested to him that he might like to watch her having sex with me. And after some discussion and fantasising he agreed.

Now this may seem like a good thing but:

1. She was an absolute munter.
2. He was a vicious bastard who had been done for beating some poor lad to a pulp.

When she told me I panicked with the fear of having to decline and stated that I was in a relationship with another girl that worked with us. (I wasn't.)

All was fine until two weeks later when my 'imaginary girlfriend' approached me in a rather irate manner to find out why she was invited to go for a foursome with psycho couple as my partner.

Luckily I got fired a few days later.
(DrTugnut, Wed 2 Aug 2006, 12:20, Reply)

Brown Paint
Aged something like 5 or 6 I was friends with a kid at primary school whose name shall not be revealed (because I can’t remember it).
One day we were both in the toilets together when he dragged me into his cubicle to have a look at the eggs he’d just laid. Leaning over to peer into the waters he used the opportunity to drag a finger across his anus and smear a two inch long shit streak on my shoulder. I was quite upset by this and went to see the school nurse (not sure why the nurse..?). Frowning she scrubbed away with a tissue and asked me what it was. I thought for a second then said “paint”.
I really hope she washed her hands after that little incident.

He wasn’t my friend after that.
(Phelpsy Bollocks trapped behind radiator since, Wed 2 Aug 2006, 10:42, Reply)

This guy never did anything to me but...
He did act very strangly towards a few friends of mine who were in relationships. Only those who were in relationships. A lot of my mates used to go camping out in the countyside near my hometown and do the usual drug and alcohol abuse. Anyways in the wee small hours of the morning this girl (S) was laying in the arms of her boyfriend when she felt someone moving her hand down a leg and onto something rather small but quite erect. She opened her eyes to see this guy (C) staring straight at her and he uttered
"You can suck that if ya want to!"

Dont know how he escaped a beating from S' boyfriend but he was a repeat offender and is now legend.

I ended going out with S for about 3 weeks and she did have cracking tits, So i can understand why he tried it on.
( Bamboo Steamer, Wed 2 Aug 2006, 10:16, Reply)

Almost intense...
A few years ago I knew a girl who I met online before I met in person. I have no idea how she got my MSN contact details, and that in itself was a weird thing which I never figured out (she lived in the same locale as I and I'm guessing somehow other people I knew did it).
Then, we got to chatting as you do, and since I'm a bit naive, friendly, and trusting, we got along well. Due to my qualities above though, I tended to not notice any weirdness she threw my way (though looking back now it was pretty obvious).
Eventually I met her IRL and damn, was she ugly. Not just looks, which might have been OK had she not had the absolute worst attitude to everybody I knew (except me because by then I figured she wanted me in some way or other). Still, back then I believed myself to be ugly, was a hormonal teenager, and also didn't have the guts to tell her to stop.
It was an extremely slow process for me to go from friendship (and yes, there was a hint of romance while it was strictly online) to hate. I often give people a chance to redeem themselves, but she never did. In fact, she started actively antagonizing all my friends (especially the female ones), and seemed to be going out of control.
I was incredibly relieved when she went to uni and I never heard from her again. Though I still get stories from friends about her vindictiveness from time to time. Looking back, she obviously had inferiority issues. I also think that maybe someone put her on to me in first place out of an act of spite??

Anyhoo, three or four years on and those questions are still unanswered. I just hope I *never* see her again.
(satellite blows, Wed 2 Aug 2006, 4:26, Reply)

When I was little
My two best friends were the girls who lived next door to my building, Eileen and Melanie. Eileen could be kind of immature and her sister was the nose-picking minger type, but in general she and her family were pretty normal. Melanie, however, was a different story. Her family was utterly mental. I lost track of how they were all related because everyone was a half- or step- sibling, parents were on their third marriage each, all that good chav stuff from before chavs were chavs. We did a lot of explaining to the police during the years her family lived next to ours, as people who made complaints sometimes got confused as to the source of the disorder. "No, it's them next door, really...REALLY."

Anyway, Melanie's parents were always doing stupid things like going to Spain on holiday and leaving her and one step-sister, who was maybe 13, home on their own for a week. In general they lived without much supervision...so in retrospect it shouldn't have been too big a shock when one day Eileen and I were at her flat and she brought out the porno mags her dad kept under his bed.

We were little. I mean, like maybe 8 years old at most. We had never seen anything like it before, and Eileen and I were kind of bewildered. Melanie's dad seemed a bit weird to us, but not to Mel, who suggested we copy the poses of the pretty (albeit naked) ladies in the magazines.

Eileen and I were not keen.

Mel, however, was extremely enthusiastic and started showing us what she meant.

Eileen and I got out of there PRONTO. She told her parents, who were very Christian types, and they gave Mel's dad hell as soon as he came back from wherever he spent his time when he should have been parenting a bunch of daughters. Though in retrospect, maybe it's a good thing he wasn't around more often...

BEFORE YOU GET ALL EXCITED...I'm a girl. Hmmm. Guess you won't be too keen on clicking "I like this" now that you know I wasn't a wee pervert...

BEFORE YOU CALL THE NOW-DEFUNCT CSA...we're all in our 20s now and doing just fine, I think...
( KersaI Missive Free Michael Shields! with Monday's Liverpool Echo, Wed 2 Aug 2006, 2:46, Reply)

Sex Object
I once knew a woman who persisted on asking me for sex each day. Every morning, brunch time, afternoon, evening and night I'd get a phone call, "Will you come round and shag my brains out Lt Columbo?".

Eventually it all got too much for me, and one day I just snapped and told her outright, "No Mam I won't have sex with you, one you're an ugly old bitch and two I'm too frightened one of your boobs might drop off".

PS I would have really, if only she had all her own teeth.
(Lt Columbo, Tue 1 Aug 2006, 23:51, Reply)

Im going in sarge
When I was young enough to still be being childminded the woman who looked after me had a daughter called Nicky of about my age who I would often play with.

That was of course only if Sarah wasn't there being childminded at the same time, sarah was older than us and i was in love with her and whenever she was there I would devote myself to whatever game it was she wanted to play. Sometimes we'd play a game where i got to be dad and Sarah mum with Nicky as the daughter, those were the best days.

Sadly nothing ever happened with Sarah but Nicky did let me put a green army man in her front bum.

SCORE!

(names changed because i forgot the real names)
(scumbum, Tue 1 Aug 2006, 23:20, Reply)

My Brother/Best Mate
My brother Colin is my best friend. My first ever memory is looking around and seeing his face.

We sleep together,
eat together,
we were always in the same class at school,
I always sit with him on the bus and
when I smoke he smokes.
I've got a funny feeling when one of us dies we'll both be buried in the same coffin

The only problem is Colin's a gay. Now I've got nothing against homosexual behaviour at all, but when you've got to share a bum hole with your siamese twin that's when the problems start.
(Lt Columbo, Tue 1 Aug 2006, 20:56, Reply)

Blimey, People (Particularly Maladicta)
I thought I knew some irritatingly messed up people, but the people from your stories are actually a bit worrying. Others say I don't warm to new people quickly like it's a bad thing, but considering how many freaks there are around, I think I'm right to be wary.

Also, on the subject of primary school, I had a 'friend' who, when he wasn't having psychotic episodes and running from/insulting/attacking (he bit me on the forehead once) people he'd been getting on fine with earlier, he spent his time in the toilets, pressing the button on the soap dispenser because 'it looked like bogey' and this amused him. He liked to tell us stories of varying falsehood about times he'd swapped his older sister's food and drink for things like turd and bleach, which she'd apparently happily consumed, and he got in trouble for peeking over the tops of toilet cubicles and watching younger boys urinate.

Oddly enough, we didn't keep in touch once we left school.
(Uncle Comrade, Tue 1 Aug 2006, 19:14, Reply)

Do I have "Freak Magnet" written on my forehead or something? Don't answer that.
At my first primary school I was followed around the playground by a boy called Ben (everyone I've ever met called Ben has been a creep), who would sing How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? for no reason at all, and when asked by anyone else what he was doing, he'd grab my hand and yell "I'm going to MARRY HER!". To which I'd yell "Nooooooooooooo!" like Lisa does to Ralph in the Simpsons episode and run away. And then ten minutes later he'd start doing it all again. This went on for months and only stopped when he moved to Solihull. I'm guessing he's carving out a career as a singing sleazebag.

Is it any wonder I hate The Sound Of Music? I should add it's also Stalker Boy's favourite film, equal with Titanic. He believes he was on the Titanic when it sank, but strangely the past life was only unlocked after the film was released...

Dan J - I don't know how I've put up with him for 11 years and not opened fire in a crowded shopping centre. Probably because I made up a song to the tune of London Underground about him.
( Maladicta, Tue 1 Aug 2006, 18:31, Reply)

I think it may have been me....
reading all these messages, i have demonstrated a lot of loopy tendancies. I had a mate whom i don't talk to anymore whom got weirder and weirder. He would ask me for help on his house (DIY stuff), then ignore me completly whilst i was there for the weekend. Not replying to questions asked, and anything discussed miraculously was un-discussed. Its difficult to achieve amything then.
The worst one was at 10pm on friday night, when he stood up, turned off the TV and lights and went to bed. I was still sat on the sofa in disbelief. 10pm on a friday. i only did 2 days solid hard graft for him and he couldn't even say thanks.

The flipside of all this is i started to react like a crazy from years of systematically being not worth a 45 minute journey, being told they couldn't come over for a birthday dinner for Mrs van der Trances birthday - but then rang back to say they would like to use us as a hotel the following night to break their 2hr40m drive to bristol. Over the years, i have been told:
1 - "it doesn't matter about the mess, its at your house" - never any parties at theirs as it is too "nice" or "small". Zero respect for me and my property.
2 - "i won't ring mobiles, it costs too much" - makes it difficult to do anything unless sat at home by my landline. Won't even return texts at christmas. Its not even like the landline was a hotbed of activity.
3 - "i hate my gf's french step dad and his piles conversations and any time spent with him is time taken off my life" then ignored my help and was happy to ring france to ask about the pipes in his bathroom. At the same time continued moaning about how little he has done at home and how it is unsurmountable, as there was no help whatsoever available. Its only bloody decorating - theres no structural work.

We were well close mates before, for about 10 years. But looking back, he was a miserable twunt and took me for an idiot. I am sure a few of our mates questioned our relationship as it was pretty close stuff, especially weight training every week. Getting hot, sweaty and groaning to heavy rock could sound pretty homo-erotic from an outsiders viewpoint.

Some people feel like family, but then to stitch me up was like a claymore in the stomach. At that point the closeness turned to pure hatred, but the bond is still strong. I was stitched up for my help, my weed ( i got 2 £30 HSBC charges on promised transfers to cover the owed monies that never showed), my personal weed (smoked as much as could manage and even once had the cheek to diss my vaporiser as "nonsense" when he could barely speak he was so stoned off of it) and then there is all the time that is invested in a friendship.

All in all, i was so annoyed but bonded i become a bit psychotic for a few months. I never gave him an inch, and was so annoyed as it kept going through my mind every waking minute. If i could question something i did, and took opposing views and watched the dichotomy of his mind unfold and leave him in even more undecided terror. to make a decision of his own, no matter how small, was an ordeal. Now, he has only his own help.

My view was that he needed help more than anything, but equally felt he shouldn't ask. This lead to me offering to help, being ignored and then watching him completely flounder and fall apart. As a mate do you dive in and say something - I did, and it was painfully acerbic and the truth as i saw it. Or do you just let it run for another few years of my soul being slowly devoured?

Now, 2 years down the line i still can't bear to think of him as the rage returns. I feel like the nutter, although his actions were the ones that were driving me to insanity.

Theres 2 sides to all of your stories too - i am sure the nutters had their share of stories about us.

Goddamn stitched me up. The intensity still rages within, only now it has turned to the dark side of friendship.

Scared? I am.

my god i have a large cock.
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Tue 1 Aug 2006, 17:44, Reply)

I had a friend called Jill. I loved her.
She didn't like me very much.
(Barry_Bulsara, Tue 1 Aug 2006, 17:43, Reply)

The legend..
To about 7 of us. I suppose infamous might be a better adjective. EL was our strange friend. Strange because while he never actually done much to warrant being friends with, he did do enough to warrant being at war with. However, he was a mate and had a few issues..
At various moments he has: followed me and an ex down an alleyway and watched us get down to ahem.. silently. When I saw the look on his face it was a bit nervewracking EL was almost albino in skintone, so to see this gaunt, ghostly face peering intently..worrying.
This almost voyeur behaviour notched up a gear when after another night knobbing about in the park drunk on cider (Ah Victoria park E London, how I miss you and white lightning!) we went to our mates house to roll around in her bed and listen to placebo in the dark (we were the most unlikely bunch of proto emos imaginable: one of us was a proper northern rugby player and I was going through a worrying reebok classic and ralph lauren phase, chavtastic before the term was around)As we all nod off in each others arms - with me never feeling safer in my life - I look up and notice EL hasn't joined us in the bed. EL is sitting at the desk with that scary death stare look again, all the while stabbing the table with a compass.

Very random fellow, after being mates with him for 6/7 years or so none of us had ever seen the inside of his house, never been invited and whenever we knocked round for him we had to wait outside. The boy certainly cultivated an air of mystique around him.

Hated Americans and had a worrying attitude towards the female persuasion, namely was sexist to shite. Last time I heard he had married an American and is now living in...Exactly.

Had intense friendships with all of that lot mind, sharing baths at the age of 18 with peachy, passing a submarine of cider between our legs and comparing cock sizes will stay with me forever. Amazed and loving the fact we are all still close and can reduce each other to that childish prickish way we were 10 years ago at the sip of a pint in a wetherspoons.

Thinking about it, life is shit in comparison to those days.
(luckymcdanger, Tue 1 Aug 2006, 17:29, Reply)

Uncle Comrade
We've got one of those types... Apart fron the arrogance/ arguuements bit... He's a proper case... more details when I have time!
(The Splendid Oaf, Tue 1 Aug 2006, 15:54, Reply)

Stalking ...
Well a lot of people have spoken about annoying people obsessing over them .. but not about their strange teenage obsession ...

I once stalked a lovely girl by the name of Kate. She was in absolutely no way interested in me, yet for some reason I had a pubescent short circuit that stopped me seeing that I was banging my head against a brick wall.
You see obsessions like that are mostly down to incredibly low self esteam, and although some-one says "no", you don't see that there are so many other possabilities out there.

I think I really ended up pissing her off ... doing little things like bringing flowers into school for her and generally helping out however I could. I was young, completely too advanced for my age, and above all, thought I was very ugly. I lost touch with her, and really wish I'd tried to just be friends ... but such is life, you live and learn.
( Far Out Slave last ate at, Tue 1 Aug 2006, 15:48, Reply)

Maladicta's stories reminded me
I've never had any particularly intense friendships (at least, not from my point of view), but I have however had people who are friends with me to a much greater extent than I am with them. One such example is a feller whose name I won't mention, as most people will recognise him instantly. I met him at school several years ago, and since we had a fair ammount of common interests and mutual friends, we became friends ourselves. All well and good, you might think.

Well, you'd think wrong. Because Tosser (for that, more often than not, is his name) is one of those people who you can get on fine with in small doses or as part of a group, but if you spend too much time with him, his faults become more and more apparent.

Examples of said faults include;
Instant Chumminess - The ability to treat people you've just met as friends you've known for life. Fine if they feel the same way, but if they don't...
Touchy-Feely Nature - Again, fine if you know the person well, and they're the sort of person who accepts that sort of thing. Jabbing a rancid nail into someone you barely know and saying "Poke" is a bit creepy.
Dubious Personal Hygiene - i.e. He REEKS of just about every unappealing smell imaginable. Combined with Touchy-Feely nature, not good.
Belief that he's always right - He once argued with another friend for about five minutes that cheese doesn't smell. He has also been known to argue with teachers over things, as if the person with the PhD will somehow be proved wrong by the student who hasn't even got his GCSE's yet.
Arrogance - The ammount of people he looks down on continues to astound me. It's one thing if you are actually superior to people, but I've trodden in dogshit that's superior to him.
Inverse Sense of Humor - By which I mean, he'll laugh his enormous arse off at things that barely raise a chuckle from most others, yet when the rest of us find something funny, he will not get the joke at all, and usually take offence.
Hypocritical Nature
Short Temper
Noticable Lack of Common Sense, Worldly Wisdom, etc.

You may ask "So why are you friends with him then?" The answer is, most of the time he's a cheerful, friendly bloke, and on their own his faults are tolerable. The problem is that while I could spend an hour or so with him, provided I then have some time to recover, once he decides he wants to spend time with someone, he's like a guided missile, albiet a rather large and slow one.

Many's the time I've staggered sleepily from my college room (yup, couldn't escape him even at uni) to find him sitting in the kitchen waiting for me so we can go to breakfast together. He then takes it upon himself to follow whoever he's attached himself to for the day around wherever they go, be it down into Canterbury for shopping, to the library to pick up a book, on one occasion out to lunch with my family. He's turned down offers of social gatherings, only to change his mind once he heard I'd be going too, much to my dismay.

Usually as he follows people he will complain that what they're doing isn't exactly to his liking, but won't take the hint to go away and do what he wants to by himself.

The main problem is that, irritating as he can be, he can't take a hint, and the only way to get it through to him that he's getting on your nerves is to yell at him, which nobody (not even me, irritable and heartless as I am sometimes) can bring themselves to do as it would be like booting a puppy in the face.

Apologies for excessive length (wahey!), but once I get ranting it's hard to stop me. Blame the qotw for getting me started, and blame Tosser for being so unbearable.
(Uncle Comrade, Tue 1 Aug 2006, 15:41, Reply)

I was such good friends with a guy at school...
that he even let me shag his sister. Nice.
ok, I'd been seeing his sister for years first, but it's the thought that counts innit an' that
( mrlogic is copying your beard, Tue 1 Aug 2006, 15:23, Reply)

Advice from a Friend
I've been friends with this girl since the sixth grade. I've had my parents drive to her house to rescue her from a "ghost" and I've talked with her through the traumatic dissolution of her last relationship and many things in between. She's been one of the few people I've been in contact with since high school and in short I would kill for her if she asked me to.

What she actually asked me to do was to break up with my boyfriend. I was only settling for him ("why settle for a small decrepit shack when you could have a huge gorgeous mansion later on?" well what if i don't need that much space and i'd rather have something real now then something that might not exist in the future?... yeah that's what I should've said) and that he would eventually turn out like her psychotic ex (mental and familial stability aside). Due to her signifigant life experience and intellegence she had planted within me a large enough seed of doubt to almost make me go through with it.

In doubt, I turned to one uninvolved person for advice and she promptly accused me of going behind her back (talking about this with her friends is apparently ok). She also tore me a new one with a (quite true) littany of ways that I suck as a human being: I'm a flake, I have no ambition, I'm mentally and emotionally immature; as an only child I think i'm the center of the universe, etc etc. It's all right, she only wants to help me; I just don't seem to want to listen.

Fortunatly she seems to have decided that me and my "unsuitable" boyfriend aren't worth stressing over, although she still slightly gives me the fear whenever she comes over.

PS: Boyfriend is also a "pastry peon" at a post resort (kitchen is basically "The Office" with knives and fire) and it grieves me to know that I missed the last QotW.
(Kitsune-chan I'm not a bunny I'm a grownup girl, Tue 1 Aug 2006, 15:22, Reply)

Random slightly appropriate answer to qotw
A man called donkey, your title reminded me of a scout camping trip to Pwllheli about ten years ago. My scout troop was from an inner city area of Birmingham and wasnt the most well behaved of groups but a few of us were a tight knit and inseperable group of mates. We used to pool resources with another local troop to go on 'economy' trips, climbing hills, camping and building things.

From what I can remember from this trip we had our own field to camp in which had a little brook running around the perimeter. Aside from a jaunt out to a slate mine and the coast, most of our time was spent taking part in activities, in particular cleaning, cooking and serving for 40 fucking knob ends in woggles and neckerchiefs.

There were 3 of us all equally disinterested and pissed off with the trip so we formed a loyal pact to abscond from the camp. During a free period while the leaders were comparing kiddy porn we hid in a ditch and then slowly crept out of the field. I can remember that we shared twenty B & H between us, some crisps and a chocolate bar and for the rest of the afternoon we went on a mission around the area until it started raining. After sheltering in a cattle shed and smoking the rest of the cigarettes, one of my friends started to talk about going back. Me and my other mate J tried everything to persuade him to stay but it did no good and he bolted in the direction that we had come. D's departure came as a blow to our commitment to escaping, and reluctantly we headed back, about half an hour behind him. Two of the leaders were waiting at the gate to the field looking maaaad.

Got a telling off from them, 'letting your troop down, blah, blah, most of all you let yourself down' etc when some bright spark decided to punish us by Pegging Us Down. If you havent been subjected to this before, let me tell you it is a pretty humiliating experience. The rest of the scouts tied the three of us down close to the brook, using rope and tent pegs to secure us to the ground. Everyone then proceeded to throw manky Welsh piss brook water and shit out of the kitchen pots on us for about 20 mins. It was like the crucifixion with all three of us enduring the punishment next to each other but with honour and dignity. And a few screams.

What a bunch of gaylord fuckers.
( prem1um is full of life, Tue 1 Aug 2006, 14:25, Reply)