Bald men wearing wigs
I know this is a personal thing for some men, who set great store by their thatch, so never quite come to terms with it when it starts to go, especially if it goes in mid life.

I went bald in my early 20s, and all the male members of my family over the age of 30 on both sides were slapheads, so I suppose I was ok with the idea of it happening to me. As a kid I remember my dad having a ridiculous combover every bit as daft as the one in the old Hamlet ads, and so when he eventually gave up on that and got a straightforward buzzcut it was cause for celebration in our house, not admission of defeat.

To point is, when a sleb with a very obvious syrup comes on the telly, I find myself getting a bit agitated that they're presenting themselves under false pretences. It's especially true of people who've been in the public eye a long time, and have been balder in the past than they are now. To wit:
Elton John
Terry Wogan
Bruce Forsyth
Brendan Fraser
Austin Healey and the other assorted rugby players and cricketers who advertise baldness "treatment"* on telly
And my mate Paul, who's generally a diamond and quite happily spends 99% of his time bald, but seems to think he's more likely to pull on a night out if he wears one of his collection (yes, he has more than one) of wigs, all of which look like the pubic hair of a nylon giant dyed different shades of unnatural. He wears them like hats - he'll take them off if he gets hot and put them back on again to go outside, the big nob-end. Needless to say he hasn't had a shag to my knowledge as long as I've known him (he may have been to a hooker, but we aren't that close and I'm not that nosy), but that has far more to do with the whiff of desperation he exudes from every pore than his follicular deficiencies...

It just feels so irrational because Paul's a really good bloke, but every time I see him poncing about with a collar length blond pudding bowl wig I just want to punch his lights out. Presumably for "betraying" some unspoken and non-existent slaphead brotherhood.

*Treatment? Male pattern baldness is not a fucking disease, it's normal.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:35, 20 replies)

as someone with a full, lush head of hair which isn't going anywhere
I have to ask: what is the pattern bit about in male pattern baldness?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:41, closed)

That it goes from the front and top, rather than the sides or evenly all over.
i.e. it's the "male pattern" of baldness, rather than patchy (alopecia areata to the medicos) or complete (alopecia totalis)
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:44, closed)

ah I see
thank you for enlightening me
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:51, closed)

you say that but....
if they could cure it with a pill would you take it?
(Lip Up Fatty Fatty Reggae still loves BBQ food on, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:44, closed)

No, probably not.
I've been bald almost my whole adult life - I wouldn't look like me if I had hair.

I'm pretty sure that the timing is the thing - the people who are most antsy about losing it are the ones who lose it later than I did (I had a thinning crown when I was 14!), so their self-image has them with luxuriant head fur.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:48, closed)

My school photos show a receding hair line and I was only 15!

Lost it all by the time I was 20....

I just keep it very very short and it's okay!
(Lip Up Fatty Fatty Reggae still loves BBQ food on, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:59, closed)

There is a pill already
but I don't fancy growing bigger tits than I have already thank you very much.
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 16:46, closed)

And start paying for haircuts again?
Fuck that!
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Mon 4 Apr 2011, 17:43, closed)

Yes.
The ONLY way to deal with baldness is to have your remaining hair shaved to Grade 1, or, indeed, off completely.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:54, closed)

Grade 4 at the moment
But its getting to the point where the thinning bit is starting to get a little bit patchy and starting to do its own thing by standing up at jaunty angles. I think the full Yul Brynner may be needed
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 17:57, closed)

Bald man are all cunts.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:59, closed)

All cunts are bald men?
(Bad Monkey hasn't had an abusive gaz since, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 16:05, closed)

Bald cunts are for paedos.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 16:07, closed)

Bald nuts are for Speedos?
(Bad Monkey hasn't had an abusive gaz since, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 16:08, closed)

I think this too

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 16:14, closed)

You say that now
Wait till yours starts thinning, cuntboy
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 16:35, closed)

syrups
One of my tutors at uni had four wigs, which he would wear in the following pattern:

Week 1: shortest wig (#1)
Week 2: slightly longer wig (#2)
Week 3: wig #3, slightly longer than wig #2
Week 4: longest wig (#4), always accompanied with the question "what are you all up to this weekend?" and his eventual response "I'll probably get my hair cut...".

Reset pattern, begin cycle again.
(square go, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 18:27, closed)

You should
grow the rest of your hair really long, then just scrape it over the bald parts. No-one will ever know.
(Rsoles, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 19:26, closed)

"He wears them like hats - he'll take them off if he gets hot and put them back on again to go outside,"
made me laugh like a loon. I like the sound of this Paul.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Mon 4 Apr 2011, 21:12, closed)

^
it's not that he's pretending it's real hair or anything
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 9:20, closed)