The number one answer to tell your mum
to the question "When are you going to have kids?"
is...
"Just as soon as I can get some sperm near my mimsy. Trouble is, it tastes too damn good."
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 11:28, 23 replies)

Or how about
Well I would mum, but I've recently started a religion with a group of strangers off of the internet that's centred around communal masturbation, nudism, anal abuse and mild bondage, so I just don't have the time.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 11:31, closed)

pft!
she'd never believe that.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 11:32, closed)

or if you are her only child who is a son.
... Never.. I shoot blanks. The only way my mrs can get pregnant is via sperm donation - so technically it wont be mine.
(Miggyman, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 11:34, closed)

I'm going to insist on donor sperm
There's no way I'm going to inflict my genes on my future family.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 11:36, closed)

^
and we're back to memes-not-genes.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 11:37, closed)

Reminds me of a crude joke
How do you get a chav* girl pregnant?

Cum in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

*Substitute prejudice of choice.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 11:38, closed)

You could always
Just break down and say "I've trid, so so much, *sniff* I guess it's just not God's will".

What Holy Day of Obligation is it today, while we're on the subject?
( Cawl, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 11:41, closed)

*Beats Kaol with leather whip*
There! That's a clue!

Now don't forget again!

*enjoys being a man of the cloth*

*touches cloth*
(Bazongaloid, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 11:42, closed)

one of my favourites today

"This isn't just Tuesday; this is S&M Tuesday..."
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 11:43, closed)

"Father" Al?
Hmm...

*takes off belt*
*beats the bishop*
*cringes at pun*
( Cawl, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 11:44, closed)

Mrrfuffuffuff lupffufuffuff
*ball gagged*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 11:44, closed)

CHCB
You've had me spitting my coffee at my screen this week, however this post is inspiring me toward penning another cathartic semi-rant...

See what you've unleashed?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 22 Apr 2008, 11:45, closed)

Rant! Rant! Rant!
wooooo!
(Bazongaloid, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 11:45, closed)

gaw'on PJM, gaw'on
Rant! Rant! Rant!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 11:46, closed)

tell her
that you will spawn in your own good time thanks.

Or that you accidentally left your uterus on the tube and too embarrassed to ask for it back at the lost and found.

thank fuck my brother ans sister have had loads of the horrible little shits called children, means i don't have to
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 11:49, closed)

Apologies in advance
One sperm to another "I'm bloody knackered. How far to this egg, anyway?"

"Dunno mate, we've only just passed the tonsils"
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 11:50, closed)

*Squeals like a girl*
I love S&M Tuesday!!!

*Wonders how she can chastise herself when living alone*
( girlinthehole, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 13:25, closed)

hee hee, you've just reminded me
I was talking to someone yesterday who was bemoaning the Internet and the evils on it, and the threat to society that it might be (he's a bit of a hippie).

"Even the porn," he said "is exploitative. There are women having sex with machines".

Such was his disgust that somehow I kept my face straight and didn't say "mmmm, robot porn". And I resolved never to mention b3ta in the company of my friends.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 13:34, closed)

Mmm...
Robot Porn.

Bagsy Rosie from the Jetsons.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 13:53, closed)

^^CHCB
Point out that no-one, not ever, has fantasised about being tied to a bed and ravished by a hippie.






(Five shiny pence if you spot the source)
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 14:01, closed)

P. J. O'Rourke!
*something about 5 pounds*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 14:03, closed)

mimsy
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmimsy!

mmm
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 14:11, closed)

CHCB
*claps*

One of my favourite drunk Americans. Bit of a shock when you hear his voice, though.






And it's pence, as I am poor and have just spent the GNP of Liberia in Toys 'R' Us.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 16:24, closed)