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This is a question Lurid Work Stories

"I know a railwayman of 40-odd years' service," says Juan Quar, "and he tells me a new gruesome yarn each time we meet. Last week's was of checking the time on the wristwatch of a severed arm he'd just collected after a track fatality."

Tell us the horrible stories you tease the new hires with, or that you've been told.
NB By definition, these are probably all made up. Roll with it

(, Thu 5 Sep 2013, 17:33)
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I drive trains.
Fatalities are a common occurrence but my depot seems to be cursed with more than our fair share. Like this, this and this just yesterday.

All a bit grim. Not particularly funny I'm afraid but lurid enough for you?

Luckily all I've killed is a wheelie bin.
(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 19:01, 23 replies)
Your story is 'some bad shit happened to other people'?

(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 19:04, closed)
Cunt couldn't even stay about from his bin.

(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 19:34, closed)
YES

(, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 10:05, closed)
'Tell us the horrible stories you tease the new hires with, or that you've been told.'
so yeah.
(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 19:44, closed)
Does what it says on the tin for me

(, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 9:48, closed)
But where's yer wheelie bin?

(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 19:39, closed)
Heaven.

(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 19:45, closed)
To be fair, if I was a southerner I'd probably jump in front of a train too.
I can't think of much worse.
(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 19:47, closed)
The advantage of train suicides down south is that so many of the dosy cunts spend four hours a day on the train
so holding up a line is almost guaranteed to drive another four or five people to top themselves.
(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 19:55, closed)
But then there'd be nothing coming to jump in front of :(
Also: www.ipswichstar.co.uk/news/ipswich_attention_seeking_tourist_who_sparked_seven_hour_train_delay_at_a_cost_of_1m_is_jailed_for_16_months_1_2366928
(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:02, closed)
Bit optimistic publishing a newspaper in a town with 100% illiteracy.

(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:04, closed)
I thinks it's mostly pictures of turnips
and sheep anuses.
(, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 9:50, closed)
They should have just shot the cunt down.

(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:04, closed)
He went on holiday to Ipswich ... that's clearly more than a cry for help.

(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:11, closed)
shush it, you.
ippo is grea....no, i can't do it. it's a town full of inbreds and thickos.
(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:47, closed)
Not too many prostitutes these days, though.

(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:30, closed)
that was our only selling point :(

(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:34, closed)
that, and the fact that Cardinal Thomas Wolsey was born there 500-odd years ago
/former resident
(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:59, closed)
the gert fat fucker.
the waterfront is starting to look proper nice now. shame about norwich road. /current resident. well, one of the posh estates on the outskirts..
(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 22:07, closed)
by "posh" do you mean "somewhere you're less likely to get your head kicked in if you can read and write"

(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 22:26, closed)
well, yes.
yes i do.
(, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 23:08, closed)
About seventy 'massage parlours', though

(, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 11:48, closed)
very sad

(, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:41, closed)

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