Geek Formula
I have been working on this for seconds and think I can give Geek a value.

(B+W+C) = Geek Value
---------------
1+2S

Where
B= The number of buttons on your calculator (if touch screen use a value of 150) multiplied by the number of "X's" in the model number.
W= The number of Warhammer figures collected multiplied by the number of times you have appeared in heavy metal
C= The number of computers you have owned. 1 point for each computer after 1990 – 3 points for each computer before this date (0.25 of a point for each upgrade)
S= The amount of different women/men you have shagged

I cant claim its accurate so please feel free to add if I have missed anything.

Perhaps when we have a formlua we can all agree on we can play "B3Ta geek top trumps"

EDIT: So far the highest score is 18.62
EDIT: Kaol has posted a score of 208. Legend.
EDIT: Oeb has a scor of 0.0something. But. He was once a bouncer (which is the job equivalent of the gatekeeper of cool)

FINAL EDIT

After many new ideas were put forward, the resident loon and musuko have come up with this as the definitive guide to calculating your Geek value.

(B+W+C+G+L+Wa)/(1+2*(S-Sc))

where B, W and C have already been defined above,
G= number of times Google settles an argument/augments a conversation in a week,
L= number of logins per day,
Wa= number of Warcraft characters,
S= number of sex partners,
Sc= number of potential sex partners who hit the ground running when they learned of your enthusiasm for (insert geeky interest here).
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 11:58, 43 replies)

can women geeks play?
as my value for S would be greater if it referred to 'blokes'. If you wish to stick with 'women' that is fine, I'll just be more geeky.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 12:11, closed)

Ooops
Made the edit!


My score is 8.214285
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 12:13, closed)

Awww. man...
my number is too small to calculate. I've never collected Warhammer, I use the built-in calculator on my computer or other software, and I've only owned three computers, ever- although one of them has been Frankensteined and resurrected multiple times. And my value for S is not small...

I'm still a geek, dammit! Even if the numbers say otherwise! (0.034, if you wondered...)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 10 Mar 2008, 12:37, closed)

mine is 6.84375.....(edit: 6.083
it is possible though that I am super geeky but have PAID to have lots of sex with different prossies to lower the geekoid number!!
(Studentken is looking for motivation on, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 12:40, closed)

hmm
all virgins are infinite geeks??

uncyclopedia.org/wiki/How_to_Divide_by_Zero
(themonkeydriving, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 12:55, closed)

New Edit
^^
To take virgin geeks into account
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 13:12, closed)

2.1290323
Calculating S was the most difficult part.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 13:23, closed)

Oh god
Rough guess at 18.62, as I don't actually know how many warhammer figures I actually have... Worked out on my 50-button calculator.
(Imaginary Ed was dreamed up on, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 13:26, closed)

Score
My score came to exactly one as I have no calculater, or warhammer thingos. I've had 4 computers over the years and 1+3 = 4 so 4/4 = 1.
(Teran Thinks Pogonophobia is funny, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 13:31, closed)

mine was exactly Pi....
not really, but that would be good.

in the region of 7.2, but only because I can't remember how many warhammer figures I had, I never appeared in heavy metal, and I've never actually owned my own computer.....

my calculator has a lot of buttons though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 13:35, closed)

Precisely 6.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 10 Mar 2008, 13:37, closed)

Hmmm
Only 4.46. Too much shagging and not enough Warhammer, obviously.
( doctordoctor I feel like a pair of curtains, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 14:54, closed)

Hmm...
I'm either totally inept at equations, or the ulti-geek... As I seem to have ended up with 208 as a score.
( Cawl, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 15:13, closed)

I'm so not a geek...
I don't even understand the sum.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 15:20, closed)

I'm not entirely sure...
I think the problem is that I had several hundred Warhammer figures, and have only slept with the lovely Mrs Kaol..
( Cawl, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 15:24, closed)

0.189.
0 (don't own one) + 0 + 5.5
---------------------------
29

God, my teenage years really drove that score down.

Pedantry to push my score up: "amount of men/women" should be "number of men/women", unless you're counting their mass/weight into it. :P
(Musuko, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 15:27, closed)

Musko
Did they all treat you with respect in the morning???

I will post your score as the current lowest. Congrats.

Amount/number = the same thing, although it would be interesting to try and geustimate the sum weight of partners!
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 15:30, closed)

Suggest moditication
+ 40E

Where E is the number of equations for calculating geekiness that you have invented.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 15:51, closed)

Not the lowest. The Resident Loon claims the lowest.
14 partners is hardly huge...is it?

Amount and number are NOT the same. One applies to something with distinct divisions (like people), and the other for something that does not (like water). You have a number of people and an amount of water. :P

And when did my name become "Musko"?

BTW, flaw: If you've got hundreds of warhammer figures, but haven't appeared in heavy metal (magazine?), you get a 0.
(Musuko, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 15:52, closed)

Musko
You became musko as i miss-typed musuko.

And the "flaw" is intentional. Pretty much everyone has brought a few warhammer figures, but, It takes a real geek to get something into the magazine.

Oh - and I forgot that I had put 2S. I agree that is a low number and will edit accordingly.
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 16:04, closed)

.049
I am a geek but also spent way too long as a man-whore (Read this as bouncer)

This is also a total estimate because I have no idea how many partners I have had.

Also formula needs revising, because the 400 odd warhammer figures I have x 0 times in heavy metal = 0. All that should indicate is that I am not a very talented geek.
(oeb, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 16:09, closed)

2.7
Alright 2.706.

Although I'm glad to say I now know how many buttons my calculator has.

Couldn't have lived another moment without that, but it does mean I have won the prestigious 2008 Most Pointless Thing Ever Done On Work Time Award.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 16:09, closed)

This!!!!
"Most Pointless Thing Ever Done On Work Time"

Has GOT to be a QOTW some time!

PS: Big cookie for Blues Brothers reference.
(Musuko, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 16:14, closed)

I don't know that I should elaborate too much on my score...
...let's just say that my S value is high, I didn't add in a calculator because I tend not to use one, and I don't know Warhammer at all. So between the lack of gadgetry and the surplus of shagging, my score is disproportionate to my actual geekhood. I mean, I once spent a chunk of time trying to calculate the rest mass of a photon based on light pressure, fer chrissake!

I think the formula oversimplifies quite a bit.

(On the other hand, I do have good hygiene, know how to dress and can tell a proper joke... but that just means that I'm more a geek than a nerd.)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 10 Mar 2008, 16:25, closed)

Resident Loon
I agree - It is a simplified calulation, but, that is why i have asked people to add to make it accurate. If you feel that there are certain items that can be added - please do - with a few fellow geeks we can build a very accurate geek equation.

I was thinking of adding "D = The amount of sci-fi boxed sets owned" Or "X = the amount of times the school IT technician ask you for help"

Please add some and i will include them in an edit
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 16:43, closed)

Refinement:
M: the number of mint-condition collector's items still in their packaging that you own.

You're still using "amount"!
(Musuko, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 16:51, closed)

OOI
TRL, how many upgrades? Assuming 0 it's ~43, assuming four it's ~58.

See, look at the kind of crap I am thinking about, and I got a really low score too!
(oeb, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 16:52, closed)

Let's see...
I can think of a few more factors:

-the number of times in a week you figure out how to calculate something trivial, such as the number of gallons of coffee you drink based on the volume of your cup and the number of times per day you fill it, or the exact speed your car's engine has to be going to produce a perfect C based on that note being 256 Hz.

-how many times a week you use Google to settle an argument.

-how many systems/websites you log into per day.

-how many authors/musicians/filmmakers you follow so obsessively that you own a copy of everything they've ever released. (That's gotta be worth a few right there. *cough*pinkfloyd*cough*)

-how many songs you can think of that have the same meter as "Amazing Grace". (You can sing the words to that song to the tune of the Gilligan's Island theme, "House of the Rising Sun" and "Stairway to Heaven", to name three.)

-the number of potential sex partners you've scared off by revealing your enthusiasm for some arcane interest.

That should be a good start...

EDIT: I think I've upgraded my desktop machine six or eight times, if you want to include things like adding RAM or installing a faster CD burner. And one of the other two machines was a laptop that I bought for work at a company that they then bought back from me when I left, so I guess that one doesn't really count...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 10 Mar 2008, 17:01, closed)

Musuko
If the "amount of women" winds you up - it stays...Hehehe

Anyway - M is a good one. I will repost on here tomorrow (just in case anyone adds anything else) and will change it to number.

resident Loon - that Google idea is fucking genius!!

With Upgrades - they are specific to Mobo's, CPUs, Ram, HD (bonus if in raid) and Graphics. If you have made an alteration/addition to any of the I/O cards, Monitors, PSU, Optics, coolers etc do not count. Bonus 3 points for water cooling though.....Fair?



Thanks all
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 17:04, closed)

Damn you kisspooplaces!
Damn you and your amounts!

An upgrade is anything where the case contains different parts after you've been inside, in my book.

Oh, here's two more:

Wa: The number of hours spent weekly on Warcraft.

Wb: The combined total of all the levels of your characters on Warcraft.
(Musuko, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 17:18, closed)

TRL
"-how many times a week you use Google to settle an argument."

It's good, but surely Wikipedia should be included there too?
( Cawl, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 17:35, closed)

New Factors
Number of times caught at work browsing B3ta.

Number of times caught by spouse (hello dear), family member or extremely intelligent pet looking at something very NSFW.








(and I honestly don't know how 'the computer' magically led me to that site. Must be a virus or something. What folder? Oh, THAT folder. Errm.... *throws chocolate as a decoy and runs while she is distracted*)
(osok Rebel without a clue, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 17:35, closed)

@Osok
"*throws chocolate as a decoy and runs while she is distracted*"
Terry Pratchett reference to Dr. Lawn?
( Cawl, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 17:42, closed)

Kaol
Extra points for spotting that.

It does work, though.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 17:51, closed)

Okay then, let's see...
(I included Wikipedia in the Google reference, as that's usually in the top 10 results anyway- but there are some things where it's better not to trust Wikipedia.)

(B+W+C+G+L+Wa)/(1+2*(S-Sc))

where B, W and C have already been defined above,
G= number of times Google settles an argument/augments a conversation in a week,
L= number of logins per day,
Wa= number of Warcraft characters,
S= number of sex partners,
Sc= number of potential sex partners who hit the ground running when they learned of your enthusiasm for (insert geeky interest here).

Okay, given these modifications... let's see...

(0+0+6+10+4+0)/(1+2*(44-40))

...okay, I'm approaching 2 now.

(Granted, Sc and G are estimated values, but...)

EDIT: corrected my formula and added values.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 10 Mar 2008, 17:52, closed)

New score: 0.5
(0 + 0 + 5.5 + 2 + 0 + 0)/(1 + 14 - 0)
(Musuko, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 18:10, closed)

Ah bollocks
That's put my score up to 234.

I'm not a geek, dammit!
( Cawl, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 18:48, closed)

Accept it, Kaol.
"I mean, look at you, you're the kind of guy who would beg for sex! And I should know, we can smell our own."

(Your score increases if you recognize that quote.)

(I might add that I have all of Kevin Smith's movies to date. I'm that pathetic.)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 10 Mar 2008, 18:54, closed)

Erm...
I'm not enough of a Kevin Smith fan to know that... (Your edit made it look like my carefully constructed answer was less so... *cough*mallrats*cough*)

I blame it all on my childhood Warhammer hobby, and lack of man-whoring.

I'm going now. To do non-geeky stuff. Like... Sell crystal meth to kids and drink drive.
( Cawl, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 18:59, closed)

Way less than 1
But not entirely sure of the exact score. How about adding in the number of A's you have in GCSE, A levels, uni exams etc and maybe a multiplier for having seen every episode of Buffy the vampire slayer. And maybe times it all by the number of computer languages you can write a basic script in? That would definitely push up my score a bit.
(mmm....beer, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 19:42, closed)

Now I'm Musuka?
0+0+5.5+2+0/1+2*(14-0)

My new score is: 0.259
(Musuko, Tue 11 Mar 2008, 12:42, closed)

sorry
mususususususuko
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Tue 11 Mar 2008, 14:57, closed)

Revised Score
My revised score is 0.065

And it's not the equivalent of a gatekeeper of cool, it's all psychology. You are working, so thus not paying attention to the women there, and certain women are attracted to people in a position of authority. Now often times these women are not used to being ignored or walked off on (We do actually have to do more than stand around sometimes). In my past experience (And I am sure I am not the only ex bouncer who posts here) this tends to be very good for your sex life.

Not to mention the fact that working a job like that tends to be rather good for the self esteem (I am quite tall and it stopped me slouching for example) it tends to make you more confident and outgoing, which is also particularly good for the sex life.

Also my willy glows in the dark and girls think that is cool.
(oeb, Tue 11 Mar 2008, 15:41, closed)