Hancock
Has anybody else wondered what happened to the laws of physics?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:12, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Wank yourself off into a dead otter

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 16:42, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Wank yourself off into an otter

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 16:26, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Lyric's thread !!! (only reply with lyrics to songs that someone else might have heard off).
Why do you build me up, butter cup baby, just to let me down, let me down.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:37, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I HAD SEX.
WITH A GIRL.
AND I AM A GIRL.
AND I AM BEST MATES WITH BRUCE WILLIS.
AND I AM ACE AT KUNG FU.
AND I BEAT UP GOD ONCE.
AND YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO BE HORRID TO ME BECAUSE I AM SOME SORT OF CRIPPLE OR MENTAL-JOB.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:32, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Me and 8 others
Have just been given inital redundancy letters, we'll find out in about 3 weeks which of us will be going.

Supposedly he was meant to do this yesterday, but heard I was off, so delayed it. The letter he handed round mentioned everyone's department but mine.

I think I'm fucked.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:05, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

OH QOTW!
When you can just stop LYING at one another and accept the fact that you've not got any friends in the real, more important world?

Get out a bit. See some art. Talk to a girl and things.
I've got problems with some of the /talk users, some of whom have come out as a bit fruity, lately.
You don't want to douse yourself in QUEER, do you?

Come on, join the revolution, put your thermals on and get yourself out front.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 2 Dec 2008, 13:42, 49 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's a bit of a shot in the dark
But has anyone ever had any dealings with the University of the Creative Arts? Are they famed for being utter shit and keeping you informed of applications and information and whatnot?
(GONEism, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:45, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sinister
A good few years ago, I typed the words "They know" in the middle of a sheet of paper, put it in a small unmarked envelope. When I next went round to a friend's house, I pushed it through the letterbox and then knocked on the door.

He answered, and noticed the envelope. He opened it and read the note. His first response was "What the fuck?"

He then went and swapped his hard-drive, ran a low level format of the old one and then hid it at the back of a cupboard.

I finally admitted it was me about 2 years later. He called me some names. He then told me about all the confidential files that he'd been bringing home from where he worked at the time.

I never did find out what he was planning to do with them..
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:57, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Zahada
I printed the word "Zahada" in the middle of a piece of A5 paper, using a typewriter style font, stuck it in a small envelope and posted it to my mate. Printed his address on the envelope too so he wouldn't recognise my handwriting.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:49, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

what I did at the weekend
I went down to Canterbury to see some old friends- it was lovely.

On Saturday, we went to Margate for a day trip and we saw Bob Geldof, he was turning on the Margate Lights. Sir Bob was actually quite funny, which surprised me for some reason. Then in the evening we saw David Rappaport (Randall from "Time Bandits"), although he may have just been a random drawf person. (He was walking a dog the same size as him and had a staggering good looking leggy girlfriend.) Then I got back to the North to discover six feet* of snow- fantastic!!

* may be an exaggeration.
(smells-like-victory-v's, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:46, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is this a rhetorical question?

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:01, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's only cocking Tuesday.

( wanderlust, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:07, 201 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm slightly perturbed.......maybe even disturbed....
I got my first Christmas card today. It was also the first Christmas card I ever received from my dad (who I only met 4 years ago).

I visited the family in August when I was back home.

The card came complete with family newsletter. But I wasn't mentioned. Not even a "and Derick's daughter Sue came to visit"....

It's not like I'm a big secret (according to dad).

I dunno. It just made me cry is all.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 4:55, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Annoyance
At the municipal fireworks display, the crapper of the DJs from the insufferably crap breakfast duo on the achingly crap local radio station, Viking FM was piloting an outstandingly crap outside broadcast. He had garnered zero enthusiasm and response from the crowd in the drizzle.

In fact, at the start of a penalty shootout, someone standing up in the crowd and shouting "who's for leaving now for a look around a musum?" would have been better received.

It wouldn't have taken much to speak to the council, find out how long the display would last and then coordinate some music to it, and it'd be great.

But no, he started a countdown, which no one joined in with. He hit zero, and then waited a good 6 seconds before the first firework.

He then played Carmina Burana by Orff, from about ten seconds in. Then, as far as I could tell, he just picked a few unrelated tracks at random and played those back to back.

The display finished at some point halfway through a song. Then after almost a minute, everyone started leaving. After all, there was no reason to hang about, standing in the drizzle listening to a lack lustre radio show.

Anyway, my point to all this, is that he played Carmina Burana (or the Old Spice music for anyone old enough to remember).

Why FFS? It's a done to the death cliche used by media producers with fuck-all imagination to represent lots of attitude and a sense of awe.

No, it's just shit and I wish they'd stop it. It's the same people who use 'Spring' from Vivaldi's Four Seasons in anything to do with stately homes.

</rant>
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 0:31, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Saw This
Thought of you lot.


( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 22:21, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If you're healthy and you know it
have a wank...or stop in this thread for a chat instead of the disease ridden one below ,)


( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 20:34, 69 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It wasn't my intention to do any more polls but...
Would Big Girl's Blouse look hot in Spandex?




(GONEism, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 20:29, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ok, this question is devoted to people like No3l, Althegeordie, Crow, Pooflake and all the other fine, popular patrons of these hallowed pages.
Have any of you ever had a group of b3tans make a point of sending you abusive messages? Is it normal to have this happen if you get well known on here? It would appear I have my own little hate-club forming.
(GONEism, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 20:08, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Evening thread.
Quite a few of us have been sick today. So let's compare diseases.



EDIT:

This thread is too disease-ridden. A rival thread has been started.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 19:14, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

VAT
I've had two letters today from different companies that they're passing the recent VAT cuts savings onto me.

Now, I'm no taxman, but I am right in saying that it's not their savings to pass on?

It's like the government cutting income tax and then my employer telling me I'm getting a temporary raise.

Or have I got it wrong?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 18:22, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Zahada
Level 23 is driving me crackers.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 17:55, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Baby P
oh hai...just a question. Is the same naming convention used for baby tragedies as hurricanes? You know alphabetically. So were there like several other baby tragedies all the way through the alphabet from A to O, but they weren't very newsworthy so we didn't get to hear about them?
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 17:21, Reply)

Early Music
This is one for Empress Bob* or GMF, I guess: why is early music so called?

It's not like we only recently discovered that hitting or stroking stuff with other stuff can be fun...**

*OK - I still think of you as BobFossil
**Oh, the filth...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 16:07, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Swag
I was going to put this in QOTW suggestions but it's far too boring. I went to an Edexcel conference last week and was given a free fountain pen, which I was rather chuffed at. The next day I show it off to my colleague who responds by showing me the huge, leatherbound filofax with calculator, notebook AND fountain pen she'd gotten last year.

What's the best swag you've ever gotten on a training day/conference thing?
(GONEism, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 15:34, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)