Adventures in renting
The Lunatic Artist currently lives downtown in an apartment on the top floor of her building. It's a rather old building, with what might be charitably referred to as "character" or "quirks", but might be more accurately called "major problems".

Just before she moved in they painted the place, including the ceilings. Not long after we had a bad storm, and an area of her kitchen ceiling bulged with water, forming a bubble about two feet across. She punctured the new paint as it stretched like a balloon, draining it like a blister. This left an area where the paint still sags like some obscene udder with some large holes in it.

They still haven't fixed it, and she's getting tired of looking at it.

So the next time I'm over there I'm going to try to install a picture of Ceiling Cat's face in it. Pics may follow...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 20:56, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

so the diamonds i bought...

The diamonds I bought a few days ago were set in a ring today.

I was led to a buzzing thriving little workshop filled with industrious sharp eyed little Indian men darting around in a blaze of brightly patterned loose cotton shirts. Security was non-existent. One or two half assed plastic London gangsters could have had the lot in less than 10 minutes. The place was grubby and reeked of men and shoes and wet metal. But they all seemed happy and bright, chatting and laughing - it didn’t feel like a sweat shop. The place whirred and whined with dozens of angry little hornet drills nibbling and chewing like manic dentists - little shards and sparkles of gold and platinum made their battered wooden benches glitter under their tiny desk lamps – every one personalized with ganesh or the bhudda or some Bollywood babe.

When I bobbed my head from side to side it looked like ice on tarmac. But I didn’t dare do that initially - convinced of some sleight, some chicanery, a jigger here and a pokery there and my bona fide Antwerp gems could suddenly haven been taken for a ride into a tin or drawer or any of the million places a quick dark hand could slip a tiny shard of sharp bright icy wealth. But slowly I felt guilty. All around were men who earn in a week the cost of a cheap steak and a bottle of house wine. I watched them carry sapphires rubies diamonds and pearls in their grimy hands with care and diligence but no awe or desire.

The man who so skillfully set the thousands of pounds of diamonds into the platinum setting I had personally designed worked meticulously. He was clearly determined to do it not just right, but perfectly, shoddy was not an option here when so much else in this gaudy desert hick frontage was. Very quickly I felt uncomfortable just being there, watching, sitting on my little stool, sitting right there behind him on a ‘boss’ stool that had been ushered in as soon as I arrived. Sure there was an attempt at CCTV but even the most half assed of card trick chancers could have made switches in their little booths with ease. Christ I could have purloined the odd stone while I was there, and blamed it on the apparent chaos and I would have probably strolled out while some poor but highly skilled sod was carted off to the clink.

As they drilled and ground and polished I felt more uncomfortable. I was there basically to accuse every one of them of being a thief, a vagabond. I tried to feign I was there for the colour - the experience, but they all knew the deal and accepted it graciously - another wealthy fat white prick determined to show ‘em who’s boss. You wont trick me boyo! To be honest I don’t think any of them even wanted to. I think they had too much honour. All those men were skilled, dedicated yet quite clearly dirt poor, but had far more dignity than me. Looking back I am quite certain not one of them would have switched my stones for crap. I enjoyed the experience and the ring is quite frankly stunning. It is worth twice back home what I paid – easily.

I learned some humility today but sadly, would I trust them to do it all again with me waiting in the front shop sipping tea?

Would I fuck.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 19:38, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Serious pondering..
for once :D

I broke my collar bone exactly two months ago on sunday. Yes it hurt like a bitch. No the accident wasn't funny, it was just a bit tragic in it's patheticness :(

But to the point. Pre-breakage I was working out a lot. I'd made huge progress in strength with weights and things.

And now Im managing to go back to the gym, stubborn as I am, because every gym session leaves me in crippling agony for a few hours while my shoulder screams at me for being a bitch. And it's a little depressing because now I can't lift half of what I used to be able to on the affected side.

So, does anybody know of any serious physio or weights exercises I can do to help my shoulder build back up? Otherwise I'll be lop sided for life.. :(
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 18:46, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

dedicated to zulu.
Zulu's post was very co-incidental with events earlier today.

As I walked into the mental torture factory ie, my workplace, I passed the "Admin Block" as I usually do.

One of the secretaries, who was in about an hour earlier than normal, was decorating the place with birthday banners and balloons and stuff.

Later in the day I pass the same secretary and ask her whose birthday it was?

"Mine" she replied.

I think this is odd.

(posting about your b3ta b/day is ok tho' Zulu)

M
I
N
E

I
S

I
N

5

D
A
Y
S
(bugboybeast, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 18:08, Reply)

Evening thread.

( wanderlust, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 17:29, 157 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What's the difference....
...Between an Italian grandmother and an elephant?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 17:11, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 17:00, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Awsome
System Of A Down want to be on eurovision song contest!!

www.azg.am/EN/2008121004

Stolen from /board
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:58, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

I missed my 6th anniversary here
not that anyone cares mind

*hugs*
( zulu eh?, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:44, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How many b3tans does it take to change a light bulb?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:17, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Why do anarchists only drink Earl Grey?

(gabbar, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:03, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

What do you call Maoris on Prozac
?
(gabbar, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:47, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I seem to have stumbled into www.jokesrus.com
.
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:46, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A man walks into a bar and asks for a pack of glider flavour crisps,

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:46, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

A Buddhist walks into a pizza parlour

(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:45, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What's the
difference between a cow and a tragedy?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:42, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What do you call an Indian lesbian
?
(gabbar, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:36, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a pint of lager . . .

(happyjoy last changed sig on, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:29, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

What's the difference between light and hard
?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:20, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

whats the difference between an egg and a wank
?
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:14, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

my colleague just looked out the window and said
"you can see the moon over there"

I looked and said "that's no moon...."

she didn't get it, and now I feel foolish...

DAMN YOU B3TA!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:00, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND WORSE THAN HITLER BUT ARE ACTUALLY
BETTER THAN HITLER
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:57, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

TOP TEN THINGS THAT ARE
WORSE THAN HITLER?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:05, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Whistling
Hobby of the damned.

Does anybody else hate folks that whistle?

My boss does it constantly, he's two offices along from me and he whistles ALL day. Seriously, Im not sure how he eats around his whistling..

And it's making start hating music that I used to like. Seriously.. TWITCHY!

asshole.
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:15, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Apropos of nothing
Talking to a mate last night over our regular Tueday gathering. His pregnant girlfriend had left him on Monday and he was really quite down about the whole thing. I told him to go home, wank in every room and reclaim his fucking house. A nearby office party crowd were stunned into silence. Thank you B3ta for opening new channels in my brain.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:08, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Things that make you go hmm
What makes you go hmmm

hmm?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:42, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's Wednesday!


Come in and do that thing you do.
( thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 7:05, 325 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Would anyone like my leftover
venison stew I had for dinner tonight? It's fresh, very fresh (yay to my boss for giving me some from his hunting trip).
BUT, I have a lot, and can't eat it all and am loathe to throw it out.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 6:14, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Happy b3ta-day Clendrix!
5 years ago I didn't even have a computer, and you were posting on here.
Crazy stuff!

Anyway, congratulations!
( Cawl, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 0:07, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)