how about that time you asked to borrow my bra, "just to see what the silk would feel like" ?
i'm sorry, but come on, i must be the only person here who has NEVER called you gay before (or since).
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 10:41, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

You're missing out, it's great fun...
_{This may possibly indicate that I need to find something more interesting to do with my life, of course...}
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 10:43, Reply)

dude
just being on here says that you need to find something more interesting to do with your life. it says the same for all of us.

apparently you're on the list of "b3tans who MUST come to the london bash" (not having met any of you, i have had to take advice on this list) in june, are you in??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 10:45, Reply)

If you've not met any of them, how did you decide who to ask help you compile your list?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 10:49, Reply)

i have my sources

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 10:50, Reply)

HP? Daddies?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 10:51, Reply)

London bash? June?
Must admit this is the first I've heard of it, but count me in. As long as it's not around whichever weekend the 19th falls closest to, I should be available.

(And what is this 'list?')
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 10:53, Reply)

i am waiting for rakky to confirm which date she can do
then i'll put it on the calendar etc. but yeah, thought it was about time i did something constructive around here!

the list is a list of "great people who must be available on the chosen date as they are great fun", but i am having to go on recommendations from trusted sources as i don't have any recommendations of my own, never having met any of the clowns in this circus. apart from rakky. and she is co-organising it with me.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 11:17, Reply)

You and Rakky organising it?
I can only foresee chaos.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 11:25, Reply)

i know
she is a very very bad influence. although she would probably say the same thing. last time we went out together - which was a while ago now, stupid cities being too far apart - we ended up conniving a free bed in the VIP area (they had massive beds instead of tables, don't ask) and free champagne, it was a glorious night/morning out. AND she- no, bad swipe, that's not my story to tell!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 11:28, Reply)

*thinks hard*
I believe you may be correct, Ms Swipe, and for this I thank you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 10:52, Reply)

i am correct
i know i've never called you gay!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 10:56, Reply)

I don't doubt that part, that'a what I'm thanking you for
I was contemplating whether you're alone in this respect. I'll just agree, I used to be engaged to a law student and she never let me win one argument. In four-and-a-half years.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 11:00, Reply)

i can see we are going to get on just fiiiiiiiiine.

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 11:17, Reply)

My experience gives me a head start
Not only do I know better then to think I could win an argument with you, I also know that the reason for this is not because you're a lawyer, but because of the aforementioned tits.

Now, about the loan of your bra...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 11:21, Reply)

today's is ice blue satin with a black lace trim
is that your colour?

sorry it doesn't have matching pants though, as ann summers only had them in sizes anorexic arse or morbidly obese arse, so i had to leave them on the rack.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 11:24, Reply)

Sounds charming
*strokes thighs vehemently a la Vic Reeves*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 11:33, Reply)

on a practical note, it will hoist them right up
for maximum cleavage and shapeliness. they'll look like two little jellies in a pot. i could rest my chin on mine today, which makes a lovely change from resting them on my toes.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 11:35, Reply)

I'm struggling to attempt to remiain vaguely polite and gentlemanly
and not descend into outright sex-pestery. Also, I conclude that you have either enormous breasts or no neck whatsoever
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 11:38, Reply)

There's no reason it can't be both
Like Gladstone Small choosing between two basketballs.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 11:45, Reply)

both
it's kind of like 3 gigantic basoomas from the fourth chin down to the fifth stomach, if that helps with the descent into sex-pestery.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 11:45, Reply)

What a glorious description
I'm so impressed with your wordplay that I'm breaking my "never try to type one-handed" rule
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 11:47, Reply)

WAIT A MINUTE. you're just using me to shatter the gay rumours.
a "beard", i think the technical term is...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Nonsense
There is absolutely nothing I can do to shatter the gay rumours. I even introduced my girlfriend to a B3tan last night but I know this will convince absolutely no-one except him. If I travelled the country having sex with all the female B3tans, plus some gobby celebrities who would be sure to tell Heat magazine all about it, I would still return to proclamations of bumderhood.

Thus reassured, please continue telling me about your breasts
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 11:59, Reply)

well, i'm kind of done
we could move onto my ass if you like? (this is in no way a cunning attempt to see if you leap on the anal topic with homoerotic glee)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 12:00, Reply)

Hang about, I need to indulge my inner maths geek
Let's hear some statistics
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 12:06, Reply)

what, like 28FF, 16, 32?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 12:09, Reply)

Yep
Although with a slightly less splittable waistline, if you please
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 12:14, Reply)

ok double them all
you're halfway there
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Ahem
You're a 56KK?

Is that bollocks?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 12:28, Reply)

TOP bollocks.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 12:31, Reply)

there is a pic in my profile
do your own research!

and maths. doubling 28 would only take you HALFWAY there, i said...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 12:38, Reply)

The maths I'd managed up to that point was boggling my tiny mind sufficiently
without going up to a 112XX. Also; so there is, and I'm impressed.

*continues thigh-rubbing with renewed vigour*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 12:47, Reply)

the beard thickens!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 12:53, Reply)

Just accept the compliment woman

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 12:58, Reply)

i'm not very good at doing that
but ok.

thank you. now move over and let me rub your thighs for you.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 13:00, Reply)

*Removes hands*
*crosses fingers*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 13:07, Reply)