I shall take credit for the miracle of shoehorning the thing I want to talk about into this thread
namely this: Some guy off of a dating site has asked to meet up (admittedly not until May), but I was only really messaging him because it felt rude not to. He writes lol too often and I'm pretty sure we have little in common.

How the hell do I say that without sounding like a bitch?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 16:58, 7 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

just sound like a bitch!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 16:59, Reply)

"FUCK OFF YOU MENTAL SHITCUNT!"
Will that do?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:00, Reply)

I like the detail in MOnty's
but this could also work. Totally not bitchy
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:08, Reply)

"maybe message me when it's closer to the time you want to meet up, I may have shacked up by then"

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:00, Reply)

Just keep being yourself.
Between now and May he'll have gone off you.

I'm so sorry, that was horrible of me wasn't it?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:02, Reply)

That's an idea
I've not implied I'm an axe murderer yet. Might not work, though, he's a larper and reenactor
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:07, Reply)

Here you go:
'Dear helmcheese,

Thanks for proposing a 'date' in about five months' time. Do you really think I'm going to accept this pathetic offer of dinner in HALF A FUCKING YEAR'S TIME? I fully intend to be engaged to a LARPing furry by then, but even if this does not happen, your witless use of 'lol' as a valid expression renders you on equal footing with Ian Brady as 'suitable dating material', not to mention the fact that you are a John Major-scale dullard, and you probably smell slightly of mildew.

Kindly cock off forever. I hope you die, lol.

x'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:04, Reply)

POTD!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:04, Reply)

*copy and pastes*

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:06, Reply)

blimey
remind me never to ask YOU out!!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:08, Reply)

+ again

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:09, Reply)

humph

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:10, Reply)

+ grind?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:10, Reply)

Yes?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:12, Reply)

story of my life is that
humph experiments!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:13, Reply)

Obligatory Humph quote
Today, everything on TV is celebrity-driven, of course. I even notice on my pack of breakfast sausages, there's a picture of Antony Worrall Thompson. Underneath it says "prick with a fork".
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:14, Reply)

I read that and heard Humph's voice.
Splendid.

Cheers Brian.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:17, Reply)

OMG wots rong wiv LOL?
Although I bet he didn't actually 'laugh out loud' every time he used it, which makes him a FILTHY LIAR
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:04, Reply)

maybe he meant "lots of love"
although not enough love for a date in january, clearly
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:07, Reply)

Awww, if he meant that he's a big sweetie
and should be sent lots of personal details and bank account info.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:09, Reply)

blimey
you have very low standards about personal data.

LOL.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:14, Reply)

Awwww
have all my worldly wealth (now imagine pockets turned inside-out and a few moths flying away)
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:16, Reply)

christ
it's lucky you've got looks and brains.

even if both are mine.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:23, Reply)

I make up for it with my less tangible qualities
like...um...
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:26, Reply)

your chicken?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:35, Reply)

on reflection he says 'may weekend'
his typing and grammar are bad enough that he may have meant 'maybe this weekend'. Hope not
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:10, Reply)

Is he Chinese?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:11, Reply)

Would that make him the wong man for her?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:14, Reply)

Depends if she has already been out with his brother
As two Wongs don't make a (Mr) (W)right.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:16, Reply)

for fucks sake
that was truly truly... something else.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:23, Reply)

something else good?
Or something else bad?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:28, Reply)

I suspect the far distant date is to give him incentive to lose a bit of weight.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:12, Reply)