The World's Most Pedestrian Dangerwank
I set my alarm clock to switch on Radio 4, then try to finish before Thought for the Day comes on and puts me right off my stroke before flying into an impotent rage at the sanctimonious, holier-than-thou twat who's been invited on there to talk shit in a sanctimonious and holier-than-thou fashion.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 10:24, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

is it dangerous because the rage is likely to make you rip your knob off?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 10:28, Reply)

That, or helicopter the clock-radio in anger.

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 10:37, Reply)

You know, in a way,
slowly wanking in bed in the morning is really a little bit like the teachings of Jesus? Because, essentially it's good, but there is a strong moral undercurrent tinged with guilt, and then you have to wash the sheets.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Plus if you think about Jesus when you're coming, it's like a little salty prayer.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 10:31, Reply)

and, at the end, you offer your cum to the sheets
In much the same way as Jesus offered his life so that we might all be saved.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 10:34, Reply)

I think I shall become a catholic.
Then I could think of Mary.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Would.

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 10:59, Reply)

I like this.

( girlinthehole, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Or the Advanced Version
Try it on a Sunday, when not only is there the nagging thought that maybe you should be in church, rather than masturbating your life away, but also there's a very real danger of coinciding with The Archers Omnibus.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 10:36, Reply)

try to get one in during the Shipping Forecast
for that surreal race-wank experience
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Nah! You'll go all floppy when it gets to Sandettie Light Vessel Automatic.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 10:44, Reply)

that's just part of the challenge

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 10:45, Reply)

I'll try it tomorrow morning.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 10:45, Reply)

"the nagging thought that maybe you should be in church"
I feel like I don't know you anymore.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 11:01, Reply)