I'll try and put some weight on.
*Stupid metabolism*

Either that, or I'll try and engineer a date with a lovely lady.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 12:42, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'll post you my excess pounds
of flab
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 12:44, Reply)

your opening here
is not going to endear you to many people.

"my wallet's too small for my fifties and my diamond shoes are too tight".
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 12:44, Reply)

why did you put the last in quotes?
sounds like a normal post except...how much were the shoes?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 12:46, Reply)

because it's from "friends"
don't pretend you didn't know that.

humph, i am beyond skint this month, stupid lease extension (£50,000 straight in the queen's pocket, since you ask), stupid solicitors, living on 25% of your salary is FUCKING HARD.

when is it 20 feb, please? i need to get paid.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 12:50, Reply)

try having a mortgage that is about half the combined salary of two engineers
then having bills on top of that and a wedding to save for.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 12:52, Reply)

you're alright thanks
i think i'll stick with my overpaid responsibility free single lifestyle when i get it back next month, ta!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 12:54, Reply)

don't have much in the way of responsibility
but I do have a beautiful girlfriend with whom to spend my time.

frankly, from what I understand from you poor fools on here, being single is shit and I'm glad I'm well out of it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 12:56, Reply)

what i will say is
that the shitty twats i met last year have made me really appreciate what i have going on this year!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:00, Reply)

Shitty twats?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:01, Reply)

When did she meet you, Jeff?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:01, Reply)

she was trying to get a gay bloke to fuck her

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:02, Reply)

Bender lols

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:03, Reply)

A little Space docking?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:03, Reply)

i have done that in the past
i was only at school though. these days i KNOW that if a guy is very good looking, very witty, very clever, very funny and utterly charismatic, over 25 and single... he's gay.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:05, Reply)

Woohoo! I'm straight.
I'm only ticking the over 25 and single boxes.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:08, Reply)

Shit, I'm gay!!!11!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:08, Reply)

I was thinking I was too
fortunately my non-single status has saved me.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:09, Reply)

No, you actually are gay.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:10, Reply)

I appreciate that you need to keep telling yourself that so that you have a small beacon of hope
but it's just not the case. By all means end yourself now if you can't take it, but that's the way it is.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:11, Reply)

Mmmmm, bacon.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:17, Reply)

you hilarious idiot

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:18, Reply)

I was thinking that too
But I've been saved by not only not being single, but by having a face like a bag of smashed crabs.
( Kroney, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:13, Reply)

*texts Lusty*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:12, Reply)

Oh she knows.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:20, Reply)

True, she did introduce you to Dutch Schteve
"Schtop, your colon isch not ready yet, you need to dousche or at leascht pusch your poopoo to one schide or I'll never fit it all in"
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:23, Reply)

Damn you.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:25, Reply)

+ c t ve

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Speak up you're mumbling
around the cock in your mouth
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:14, Reply)

I rebel against your rules.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:12, Reply)

You're 24?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:26, Reply)

Ha! Sadly not

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:28, Reply)

Kicking against the pricks?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:27, Reply)

I know the feeling, after bills this month, I had £70 to live on.
I've managed to make it last until the end of next week, would have been further, but I had an unexpected bank charge.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:01, Reply)

£70??
ok this makes me feel v bad about whinging!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:05, Reply)

so you should

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:09, Reply)

It's my own fault
I landed myself in the situation I am now, but I was able to work it out last month.

If I have a thoroughly dull month in February, then a chilled on in March, by April, I will be 100% debt free to any companies, and I can start sorting out the friend who helped me a long time back, before my money troubles first started.

I can't fucking wait.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:10, Reply)

I must be living on 25% of your salary, then.
Because I am FUCKING HARD.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:06, Reply)

oh baby
i do love it when you talk so dirty
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:08, Reply)

dirty musky
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:13, Reply)

It might not endear me to many people
But it's the greatest number of replies I've ever had to anything I've posted without being asked to leave the Internet.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 12:48, Reply)

Your problem it seems is you're thinking of meccano not women.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 12:46, Reply)

Is there quite a big difference between the two?
I've only got an IQ of 48.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 12:47, Reply)

MECCANO WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU!

(PsychoChomp, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 12:50, Reply)