Right, that's...OH FUCK OFF.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:59, 79 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

my ear hurts

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:00, Reply)

Its like deja vu all over again
Fuck Off Bert
Your Mum
Your face
etc.....
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:07, Reply)

FUCKING BENT

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:15, Reply)

My eyes run lots.
Not tears, just stingy hot and runny. I think they're broken.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:06, Reply)

That's a well known side effect of BUM AIDS.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:09, Reply)

Bu I've never even met DF.
*Puzzles* Can you get BUM AIDS from homelesses?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:14, Reply)

DF can infect you simply by posting on the same internet as you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:16, Reply)

That's your excuse

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:19, Reply)

It happens when you give them money.
That's how it's transferred: on a tit-for-tat basis. Or, more accurately, a BUMAIDS-for-money basis.

The Big Issue is simply a vehicle that these bastards can use to trick you into thinking you're doing a good deed, when you are in fact just putting yourself on the receiving end of BUM AIDS.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:16, Reply)

I'm grateful to you for bringing this up.
It's something not a lot of people know about and awareness needs raising, you know, like that 'Live 8'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:18, Reply)

it is a fact that hearing Bono talking or singing about poverty
gives you AIDs of not just the bum, but the ears and brain as well.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:20, Reply)

"Live 8"
"Come and get BUM AIDS 8 more like."
What a conniving cunt that twat Geldof is - sure, we'll run a massive music festival to raise money for "charidee," what could possibly go wrong there? Except behind the scenes, the mad oirish bastard is cackling maniacally to himself in the knowledge that everybody who picks up the phone to give him some of their "fookin' munny" is simply inviting a visitation of BUM AIDS upon themself.

OPEN YOUR EYES, PEOPLE. DO NOT GIVE TO THE NEEDY...UNLESS YOU ARE NEEDY OF BUM AIDS. 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU'LL GET. JUST SAYING.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:22, Reply)

Yeah, 'Sheeple', WAKE UP TO THE TRUTH.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:26, Reply)

But But But.....
I only ever bought one issue and I was wearing gloves!
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:34, Reply)

Get yourself tested.
And never ask me for money.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:38, Reply)

How much will you pay for a bum with aids?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 14 Feb 2011, 15:55, Reply)

Are you a Benny tied to a tree?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:10, Reply)

Depends.
Depends on whether you're an ABC or not.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:10, Reply)

I'm fairly sure that you have African Bum Disease

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:11, Reply)

I got it from you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:11, Reply)

that was deliberate
I caught a dose purely so I could infect you, and through you Al, Chompy and Darth
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:13, Reply)

The 'B3ta fat AIDS gang'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:14, Reply)

What does that involve?

(berk, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:12, Reply)

Well, the first symptom is sitting around all day waiting for e-mails from scottish universities.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:12, Reply)

Oh shut it you
I hate waiting.
(berk, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:15, Reply)

You have SKILL

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:13, Reply)

I'm going to ask you to 'smell the cheese' in a minute.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:14, Reply)

don't forget to open the fridge first

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:16, Reply)

What shall I do with my hair, Monty?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:12, Reply)

Cover it in naphtha, then style it with a lit match.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:13, Reply)

No
I was rather hoping you'd take my question a little more seriously.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:18, Reply)

what is it like now?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:20, Reply)

It's like it was on TWL, but a bit longer on top
I think I want a bit more colour. Am also tempted by the idea of getting my fauxhawk back
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:24, Reply)

I didn't see it
don't colour it though.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:25, Reply)

It will probably amuse you to learn
that on the rare occasions when I have my hair doen professionally, I fully expect to come out looking significantly gayer than I went in. And I'm fine with that.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:33, Reply)

THEN WHY DO YOU GO IN THE FIRST PLACE?

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:34, Reply)

Honestly, and this is going to make matters much worse for me
The history of male pattern baldness in my family suggests I'm already living on borrowed time, and I plan to make the absolute most of it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:37, Reply)

Don't encourage him, for God's sake, man.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:25, Reply)

Why don't you go to the hairdressers and say:
"I need some really wakki shit to make me seem interesting"
like you always do.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:20, Reply)

DF: "give me something to make me look less bent"
Barber: "HAHAHAHAHAHA, oh....you're serious...we're hairdressers, not miracle workers!"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:21, Reply)

DF: Cooo-eee hai! I'm Martin 32 from Norwich, I won the weakest link don't you know. Give me a haircut that befits my celebrity status!
Hairdresser: I'll give you the haircut you deserve.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:32, Reply)

Hair advice?
Really?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:35, Reply)

Oh. Sorry.
Well...it depends. Do you want to not look like a raving hur-murr any more? If you're fed up with people shouting 'bender' at you, why not go for the same style as mine? I am knee deep in fanny and it's all thanks to my lustrous barnet.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:21, Reply)

does that not interfere with walking?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:22, Reply)

must make it difficult to walk
plus not really a compliment to lusty
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:22, Reply)

Hahaha
*panic-strickenly deletes*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:24, Reply)

Knee deep?
You've not been fooling around with TGB, have you?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:25, Reply)

he's not that fucking tall

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:26, Reply)

I presumed he could be lowered in via some sort of climbing harness...

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:26, Reply)

It'll be like 127 hours.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:28, Reply)

Christ...what manner of man can keep going for that long?

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:29, Reply)

Sting?

(berk, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:30, Reply)

Haha! Yes, he probably can
He should write a book on his tantric technique - title something along the lines of "Learn complete control of your helmet by being a complete helmet."
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:32, Reply)

I'm all for improvements on the 47-second-wonder
but I think 127 hours is perhaps excessive...
(berk, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:35, Reply)

I imagine that even your fanny would get a bit sore after that.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:37, Reply)

Perhaps we would benefit from Trudi's insight into this
"It's great that he last a long time, but it becomes a bit inconvenient after a while...especially when I'm trying to cook dinner or meet people for coffee."
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:37, Reply)

My arm got trapped between a beef curtain and a large piece of smegma
I had to cut my own arm off to get free.

But I still gave it a good sniff.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:30, Reply)

Like potholing?

(berk, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:28, Reply)

Somewhere near the coast.

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:31, Reply)

Moist.

(berk, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:33, Reply)

you also have Monkey Rapture

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:14, Reply)

My empty pidge can fuck off
sad times. Maybe my mum was right about the Easter bunny lark
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:23, Reply)

Empty pidge?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:28, Reply)

I can only assume it means vagina

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:29, Reply)

That's what I assumed
but I wanted to make sure it wasn't a type for "fridge" and she was actually just hungry.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:30, Reply)

where we get our post
not one Valentine's card. Even worse than last year
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:29, Reply)

Pigeonhole
for mail and that.
(berk, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:29, Reply)

Vadgeon hole
For male and 'that'.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:31, Reply)

UPDATE
I'm starting to feel like I've drunk battery acid.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:29, Reply)

It was good, then?

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:30, Reply)

Oh God
I hope and pray that you have. Try throwing up, that way it'll fuck your throat up some more.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:30, Reply)

HAHA!
Brilliant. Don't forget to get completely naked whilst your having a shit. It eases the pain.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:31, Reply)

don't let the police know
they'll charge you...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:31, Reply)

*shakes head at punnery*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:32, Reply)

LTI

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:34, Reply)

Jeff, Jeff, allow me


I fucking love this picture!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:34, Reply)

Bog roll to fridge I think
Or just use sandpaper as it'll feel like that soon
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:32, Reply)

I have no idea what to suggest
a yoghurt enema perhaps?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:36, Reply)

It's too late for that
He should have washed it down with a jug of Lassi
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:38, Reply)