I have just been reviewing correspondence
between my boss and a government official, and noticed that her name is Aquanetta. For those in another country, Aqua Net is a brand of fairly cheap hairspray noted for causing the hair to form into a stiff shell that can deflect a blow from a baseball bat. For some reason this name has delighted me far more than it should.

What has given you an unexpected giggle recently?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:22, 55 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

i'm gonna have to say the lack of replies
sorry loon!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:30, Reply)

It is quite late, swipey.
All the respectable people have gone to bed. Which probably explains why you're still here!

/Oh, my sides, etc.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:37, Reply)

Not to mention me.
Then again, it's only 6:42 over here...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:41, Reply)

No problem, I know the hour there.
I just had to share that wonderful name with somebody. I mean, really- Aquanetta? Why in hell would someone name their daughter that? Was it a case of naming her after the first thing to catch the parents' eye?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:40, Reply)

I'm pretty sure some chav family over here
named there daughter Chlamydia.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:43, Reply)

There is a porn star
named Candida Royalle. Seriously. www.candidaroyalle.com/

And if you don't already know, this is why it's funny.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:46, Reply)

They sound like a device for trapping fish.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:46, Reply)

LEAVE THE INTERNET!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:47, Reply)

Owww. DG
You're as bad as me.... Usually.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:49, Reply)

Okay, you two made me chuckle.
Especially when I read this exchange after reading this one...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:52, Reply)

Sorry TRL
How is life treating you? I don't think we've exchanged messgaes before, I'm Jeff, I don't really fuck dogs.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:56, Reply)

Yes you do.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:57, Reply)

Ssshhh.
It's supposed to be a secret.

I've got NO IDEA why people think I fuck dogs.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:58, Reply)

Nor I.
Likewise, I have no idea why people might think I'm a sad, Dalek obsessed eejit.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:00, Reply)

Pfft.
"Jeff the hero? Oh no. But you fuck ONE dog..."
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:03, Reply)

Ha ha ha!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:03, Reply)

But it was a SMALL dog.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:03, Reply)

But a DOG! How low can you get?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:05, Reply)

Pretty low, if it's a miniature pinscher.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:06, Reply)

Oi'll set em up, you knock em down.
Badum Tish.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:06, Reply)

Thanks by the way for the 10/10 you gave my Valentines verse.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:09, Reply)

No prob. It was apposite and made me laugh.
Proper lolled like an evyfing.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:12, Reply)

Liar.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:14, Reply)

Aaaarggh! No!
Fire extinguisher for my pants please!
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 16 Feb 2011, 8:49, Reply)

It's because you spend time looking after your skin.
EXFOLIATE! EXFOLIATE!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:03, Reply)

Heh. No apologies needed at all.
I had a very shit day, so that laugh was needed.

(I was in court on a driving charge and lost hard, and now have a restricted license. 'Nuff said.)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:58, Reply)

Ooh, shit.
Not good.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:59, Reply)

It will be okay.
As a friend put it, I've spent years chauffeuring my kids and others around, so now it's my turn.

Besides, this gives me a reason to ride my bike more.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:01, Reply)

Hardly 'Nuff Said.
I want ALL the details. Were you running Moonshine? What happened?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:59, Reply)

I know, Jeff.
I'm just bandwagoning. Pay me no heed.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:55, Reply)

Unlike Peter Reid
Who has a monkeys heed?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:57, Reply)

He does indeed.
Ah, happy days...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:58, Reply)

You'll go to bed singing that.
What is your favourite football chant?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:00, Reply)

At the moment?
Probably (to a Beach boys track I can't remember the proper name of):

Get out of our club,
Get out of our cluuuuuub,
You fat fucking bastard,
Get out of our club.

I proper guffawed when I heard that being chanted during a live match, and the commentators trying desperately to talk louder so it couldn't be heard.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:02, Reply)

That would be the refrain of Sloop John B.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:04, Reply)

Ah yes, thanks.
I couldn't remember it. All I could think was "Let me go home".
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:05, Reply)

Right, I need to go to bed.
Night all.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:07, Reply)

You'll sleep better now.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:07, Reply)

I'll go for the following
(To be sung at stadiums of various sizes, the larger the better)

My garden shed! (My garden shed!)
Is bigger than this! (Is bigger than this!)
My garden shed is bigger than this....
It's got a door, and a window.
My garden shed is bigger than this!

Apparently there are dance moves involved and everything,
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:07, Reply)

but what is the tune?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:10, Reply)

Have a listen.
I'm not a Villa fan, but it's quite clear here.

fanchants.com/football-songs/aston_villa-chants/my-garden-shed/
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:13, Reply)

Ah the old "Oh when the saints" tune. A serviceable old warhorse is that one.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:16, Reply)

This still gets a regular outing
fanchants.com/football-songs/bristol_city-chants/palace-family/
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:17, Reply)

alright swipe?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:41, Reply)

I've just laughed at the chilli I'm cooking downstairs, but not in humour
Wow, I sometimes forget how much fat gets produced when cooking...just spent 5 minutes removing excess fat. Would have been only about 30 seconds, but I don't have any large spoons...

On the upside, it's very tasty, and pretty fucking spicy.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:43, Reply)