Good morning class
Now, we have a new girl starting today. She is a little shy and she's come from one of the other schools near here. Her name is Juan Quar

I want you all to be nice to her and.....PsychoChomp, fingers out of noses please ........... show here where things are. I've told her the rules and she's hung her coat up.

Big Girls Blouse, would you look after her please? Show here where the toilets are and where to go at lunch time. Also let her know not to go behind the bike sheds with Burt.

I hope you are all going to look after her.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:19, 97 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Is this actually an introduction of a new person or just a reason to insult me?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:21, Reply)

Does it matter?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:22, Reply)

Not really it's home drinking a clock

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:23, Reply)

No, it is the introduction of a real person
and TBH the only reason I used your name was that it was the first one I saw on the OT page. That and you are the most likely to stick you fingers up your nose.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:25, Reply)

has to be done
nose arsehole
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:26, Reply)

No, you're confusing him with Batshitmentalist/Rogerthestarfish/workboresme

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:41, Reply)

Is she single? is she good looking? And, most importantly, does she put out?
The first two don't matter.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:28, Reply)

hello new person
please tell us about your lunch
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:29, Reply)

They had half price lobster so I bought a whole half price lobster at the fishmongers that is twice the price of all the other places and now I feel a bit silly.
I also got half a dozen scallops about the size of half my palm and a smoked garlic.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:30, Reply)

mmm, lobster
the last farmers market in my village had smoked garlic, it smelt amazing but I'm really not sure what I would use it for..
(berk, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:37, Reply)

Whenever you would use 2 or more cloves of normal garlic, use half of smoked garlic, it has a richer flavour, doesn't taste (but smells) smokey.
It's just really intense.

You should uproot your entire life and move to north london so I can have regular dinner parties that you could come too.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:46, Reply)

Fish news.
tinyurl.com/6k5vbpm

Dining Nemo.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:51, Reply)

They had a mix of fish in the fishmongers that looked really unedible, one of them was like a tinny 3cm long ray fish

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:54, Reply)

I may well be moving to London in october
so I shall bear that in mind, cheers Gonz :)
(berk, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:54, Reply)

Oh wow, that's awesome news ! I'd love that.
It's quite strange, whenever I joke about people moving near me, well, not all the time, but a lot of the time, it tends to happen.

Spill the beens, what's the details? October is my birthday, it would be a bit much asking you to move to my neck of the woods just for my birthday, but it really would make an awesome pressent.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:56, Reply)

work stuff
my current contract is up in september, and London is the place with the most jobs. Plus I think it'd be fun to live in London. It's really not a definite though, I have to find a job first, and it's whatever/wherever comes along.
(berk, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:02, Reply)

I think it would be great for me if you move to london, so really it's the best thing for you to do.
Sounds good, London is an ace place to live, and you already have people here you know so it wouldn't be like totally moving to a new city without any perks. I sometimes wish I didn't grow up in London so I can look at it with the eyes of a non-londoner, eg, make use of the amazing bars, resturants and tourest stuff, rather than have a "Ahh, I can always go next month" attitude.

Some of the best times I've had in london is when I get a non-londoner friend come down and we do all sort of touresty things, like visit musiams and borough market.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:09, Reply)

I would love to move to london, as it happens
but as I say, it greatly depends on where I can get a job. I went to Borough market with Crow after the bash in october, I desperately want to go again when a) it's not so busy, b) I'm not so hungover and c) I don't feel like I'm imposing terribly on someone by dragging them round something I want to see and not really saying a great deal because I'm too busy going 'oooh look, stuff!'. Poor Crow.
(berk, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:15, Reply)

Yeah', the job and stuff is quite an important aspect.
Next time you're down, hook me up, I'd love to be dragged around Borough Market and spend way to long looking at all the amazing foody things (and don't forget trying them too). Harrods Food Hall is another mecca for food in london too.

Or even you've got no excuses to come down in the near future, could make one up, crash 'round and let me play Chef !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:26, Reply)

There is a small chance I may be down for TGB's birthday bash
but I'll have to see what pennies I've got. I probably shouldn't go spunking money I haven't got when my car MOT is due that month and I'm going on holiday the month after.
I've never been to Harrod's food hall, but I have been to Fortnum & Masons which was amazing but I couldn't afford to buy anything :(
(berk, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:28, Reply)

I've never been to F&M, but I hear it's magnificent.
The Harrods food hall is amazing, there is deffo a reason the Queen goes there for her weekly.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:39, Reply)

That's no noob!

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:31, Reply)

spacestation?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:31, Reply)

I know she's no noob,
but she wanted to come and join talk.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:39, Reply)

we're not talk
/insulted
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:40, Reply)

Oh balls
I meant OT.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:43, Reply)

so does she not say anything
is this just notification of a new lurker?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:44, Reply)

Did you join the gym Crunchie?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:47, Reply)

oh shit, I have to call them now
if I want to join. Nearly forgot
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:48, Reply)

Crunchy(c):Thanks for reminding me Jeff, I'd have forgotten if you hadn't said anything
Jeff(J):Think nothing of it Crunchy, you acknowledging my reminder is thanks enough.
C: No, really, thanks. I'd have hated to have missed out on the offer, especially with me starting half-term now
J: Honestly, say no more. That simple thanks was more than enough.
C: I know, but I just can't believe I forgot
J: You'll make me blush with all of this thanks.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:55, Reply)

Oh wait.
NONE of that happened did it.

I think I've exposed Crunchy for what she really is. An ungrateful LARPer.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:56, Reply)

:(
sorry, I meant those things, I just realised I had to type quickly and go
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:59, Reply)

well that saved me typing it
thank you. I've joined now
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:57, Reply)

Well I told I would introduce her
maybe she's not here right now.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:48, Reply)

Out of interest.
Why would she want to post on here?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:00, Reply)

I guess Bobby's not going to be the designated bog washee anymore.

( Kroney, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:32, Reply)

*DOES A JIG*
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:37, Reply)

DOES FUCKS J P
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:41, Reply)

Haha
World's most puerile officelol right here.
( Kroney, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:43, Reply)

It was was a bit obvious, wasn't it?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:45, Reply)

I think it was the all caps nature of it
that made me laugh.
( Kroney, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:48, Reply)

Standard

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:44, Reply)

Sorry Bob

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:46, Reply)

no I meant it was stnadard as I do tend to fuck pigs

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:53, Reply)

Does that leave your cock streaky?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:56, Reply)

I believe there is such a thing as bacon lube
I don't believe you're meant to scoop it directly out of the pig though.
(berk, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:07, Reply)

Baconnaise is not lube

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:08, Reply)

Baconnaise is so wrong.
But also quite tasty.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:14, Reply)

Have you got the time?
Say that's a nice watch Can I try it on? Sweet.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:53, Reply)

It's mine now.
Is that my purse in your bag?
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:53, Reply)

Hand it over or you'll get a thick lip you whiney little bitch
I own you now
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:54, Reply)

Right, I've decided to pimp your ass out at luchtimes for 50p a go
If you say anything I'll burn your house down with all your family inside
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:55, Reply)

RORY
The Head teacher would like to see you in his office NOW!
Don't forget, as this is a private school we can still cane your arse.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:59, Reply)

he'll enjoy that way too much

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:01, Reply)

I'm sure that's why it's still allowed.
You don't even have to be a teacher to teach in a private school.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:02, Reply)

And you don't need to be a Doctor to fuck up the hands of squaddies.
Strange world isn't it?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:05, Reply)

ha
i have been looking at your posts on this page for a sample.

pun/question/pun/question/pun/question... regular as clockwork.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:15, Reply)

What puns on this page?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:18, Reply)

well, shit jokes/puns
same thing really innit
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:26, Reply)

BUNDLE FIGHT!!!11!!
quick use this flick knife
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:33, Reply)

excellent
if i gaz you the usernames, you stab the cunts for me?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:37, Reply)

Hang on.
Are you asking Rory to stab me?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:39, Reply)

Safe innit, i'll stab some cunts up with my compass just like when I was at Whalley Range High

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:41, Reply)

did you really go there?
i had you down as a manchester grammar boy.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:47, Reply)

Nah, St. Bedes well 6th form anyway
Brilliant if ropey prostitutes outside the school gates and lunchtime drive-by shootings by the Doddies and Gooch Gangs was your thing. I thought it was hilarious. Smoking tabs in Alexandra Park was always fraught by the distinct possibility of a mugging and good beating up.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:51, Reply)

not really, no.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:35, Reply)

i need a thorough caning.
Miss Swipe, can I have a detention please?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:08, Reply)

ask bobby
he'll sell you something that'll get you properly caned.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:14, Reply)

no miss, I mean with a cane.
I just called the janitor a cunt.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:17, Reply)

Blud, BLUD ! I said, you got the time? Is you sure that's the time, I did not see you check your phone, are you sure?
Reeeeh' muhn, I had a phone JUST LIKE THAT, but I lost it. Is you sure that isn't mine? It looks like mine.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:02, Reply)

do people really say that?

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:04, Reply)

Have you seen the films "KiDULTHOOD" and "AdULTHOOD" ? They're only about 50% exasorated of what inner-london schools are like.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:10, Reply)

surely haven't
mayhaps I shall try
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:11, Reply)

Download them ! I'd send them to you over the post but the whole region thing when it comes to DVDs and the fact the post would take forever would be shit.
Do you know how to use Torrents and all that?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:20, Reply)

I don't download anything because my internet at home is shit.

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:25, Reply)

Damn, Gaz.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:39, Reply)

Kidulthood
Is the single worst film I have ever seen. I was forced to watch it on a coach trip to Austria a couple of years ago and the experience scarred me for life. Here is a "plot" summary, as far as I could make out:

*BANG BANG BANG YOU FUCKING CUNT IMMA BASH YOUR HEAD IN BANG BANG BANG BANG HANGING TEENAGER BASEBALL BAT BANG BANG SHOUTING*
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 19:05, Reply)

I thought those two films were brillient, but what I hated was "Shank" and "5, 4, 3, 2, 1" by the sameish cast/directors.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 19:11, Reply)

I may have been predjudiced
By the fact that I was trying to sleep off a hangover at the time, but I just couldn't see the point. I've never understood gritty, realistic films - for me, films should be a form of escapism and suspension of disbelief - not something I can go and see down the pub for real. That's a documentary.
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 19:14, Reply)

Come on Juan
Speak up!
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:27, Reply)

Your friend Juan, is a special friend, no?
*shifty eyes*
Are you the only juan that can see her?
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:29, Reply)

I'm off to the staff room to smoke fags and drink coffee
You lot can amuse yourselves for 10 minutes.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:31, Reply)

Fuck off Bert
... What? It had to be said!
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:34, Reply)

and not just to bert.....

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:37, Reply)

totally spamming my blog post
since I can't on my facebook page: www.coll3ctive.co.uk/food/crunchy/three-cocktails-to-avoid/

these are all from experience
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 19:05, Reply)

Evening all!
I've been on b3ta for years but haven't chatted much. Lurked on here quite a lot.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 19:20, Reply)

you're real!! hello!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 19:26, Reply)

Is that it?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 19:26, Reply)

I've been F5ing non stop

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 19:27, Reply)

that's a new euphemism
for wanking
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 19:28, Reply)

it's not much of a friday night either way
makes my horrendous evening (as set out on amberl's new thread) look almost point-ful.

almost.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 19:36, Reply)

late for your own party
stylissimo!
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 19:27, Reply)

alright
*nods*
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 19:27, Reply)

now join the next thread...

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 19:33, Reply)

okaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy..........

(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 19:37, Reply)

See
I said she was real.

Now, are you school dinners or have you brought sandwiches?

Off to the next thread!
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 18 Feb 2011, 19:38, Reply)