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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I found out today
that one of my staff has a daughter called 'Keegan', and a granddaughter called 'Jordan'. Top that if you can.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:08, 9 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
How awful

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:09, Reply)
jordan is a very popular name here
if i had a girl i'd name her Evangeline
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:09, Reply)
I think many have "topped" Jordan

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:10, Reply)
Isn't the word 'tupped'?
As in 'to copulate with a sheep'?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:12, Reply)
Yep

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:12, Reply)
My cousin named his firstborn son Jordan
It was in reference to the country his mother died in. And predated the rise to fame of that ghastly inflatable sex doll by some years. Poor kid. Grew up in Bolton, too. Never had a chance.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:10, Reply)
My mate has a son called Paris
Make of that what you will
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:12, Reply)
Your mate is a bender
That's what I make of it. Any objections or alternative suggestions, B3ta?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:15, Reply)
He is a 6'4" ex-Navy guy with a skinhead
Paris just does not compute
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:16, Reply)
Yes it does
He shaves his head and was in the Navy. You're just lending weight to my argument. Benders can be tall too!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:17, Reply)
You can tell him then

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:18, Reply)
Eh, effort

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:20, Reply)
Why? Paris is a boy's name.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:17, Reply)
The Homeric Paris was a cunt though.
It's like naming your child after Alan fucking Sugar or somesuch wanker.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:25, Reply)
I think it was the copulation point

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:26, Reply)
I thank the lord
that I'm not called Conneticut
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:44, Reply)
i know a girl that's done the same, but she has a girl
apparently she's a gypsy
well her family are gypsys
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:15, Reply)
They must have nicked the name from somewhere then.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:26, Reply)
Hilton, I'd wager

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:28, Reply)
I think
this list will make you delightfully angry

Reignbeau is probably my "favourite"
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:12, Reply)
Christ on a shitting bike.
*despairs*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:14, Reply)
I feel much better having sensible names for my kids
Bastard and shithead
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:17, Reply)
My daughter Slaaaag will thank me one day.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:17, Reply)
One of my mates insisted his firstborn would be called
"GetBackInTheCupboard" as that would be the only words he spoke to them
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:18, Reply)
fucking hell
although, one of them is Seven, which I think is a good name.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:47, Reply)
HE NAMED HIS DAUGHTER AFTER KEVIN FUCKING KEEGAN.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:14, Reply)
By virtue of the fact that this woman already has a daughter I conclude that your mate was a Liverpool fan in the mid-to-late 70s
What are you doing associating with a Scouser?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:15, Reply)
Could be a Mag

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:16, Reply)
That did occur to me
but she'd have had to have been born about 16 years ago, and that's WAY too young to have a child of her own.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:19, Reply)
Have you heard of Newcastle?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:21, Reply)
Has anyone got the "THATS THE JOKE" graphic to hand?
;-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:23, Reply)
It's a man and he's about 60.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:21, Reply)
He's from Dalston.
Apparently it was 'OK round there 'til all the 'soots' moved in'.

This is a lie of monumental proportions.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:16, Reply)
I don't know where that is
and nor do I care to learn
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:18, Reply)
Just up the road from me.
It's the 'new Shoreditch' and thus mixed in with the African nightclubs and bushmeat stalls are fixie shops and cunt bars.

Great.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:19, Reply)
I was right
I didn't care to learn
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:20, Reply)
I went to London Fields on
Saturday. Big fucking mistake, I had to go and see the Doctor on Sunday as I had bleeds in my eye.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:35, Reply)
We went to Victoria Park: considerably fewer spastics and a couple of superb pubs.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:41, Reply)
Sounds like you had a much better
weekend than I! Did you see your Mother? (HA!)
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:48, Reply)
I hope she marries a Kevin.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:17, Reply)
That would be excellent.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:18, Reply)
In a 70's Ford Escort windscreen sticker kind of way

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:19, Reply)
Why don't people do that any more?
That was hilarious.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:20, Reply)
Hmmm

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:23, Reply)
There's a car I've seen around my way (by which I mean Norwich as a whole, it's not a big place)
which has the windscreen sticker saying on one side "Peaches" and the other "Clunge". I'm not kidding. I wonder if they know it's there.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:24, Reply)
The biggest shame about Kevin "Fucking" Keegan
is that his middle name doesn't also begin with a 'K.'
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:21, Reply)
My first born son shall be called
Sarpedon and the second Siegfried. My daughters shall be called Aranciata and Mephisto.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:15, Reply)
What was the magician called in Defenders of the earth?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:16, Reply)
Don't pretend you don't know.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:17, Reply)
I think it was Mandrake.
That's what I'll call my son.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:18, Reply)
I doubt very much that the mother will allow you any say in the matter
Besides, if you can prove it's yours they'll bang you up with the same evidence, innit
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:19, Reply)
Which one?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:20, Reply)
The one I dislike obviously.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:23, Reply)
Fucked if I know
when I were a lad all this were Dangermouse.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:17, Reply)
By far the greatest name I've encoutered recently
belongs to an Italian lass - Accursia Aquilinia. Say it in a West Indian accent.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:22, Reply)
I know a Coco tinkerbell....

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:23, Reply)
Not that either name is especially funny,
but I used to know a Jenna Taylor
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:26, Reply)
You've known a few of them in your time

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:40, Reply)
*disappointed look*
5/10
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:43, Reply)
I'm trying to lower my average ahead of TGB's next graph
I can't win everything.

Honest, its not just 'cos I'm not funny at all
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:45, Reply)
You are though
You're bloody funny. That's why you got a disappointed look as well as a crap score.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:45, Reply)
Yay!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:46, Reply)
TGB has declined the opportunity to graph the darth scores

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:59, Reply)
It would be a pain in the arse, even for someone who wanted to see them
I'll get around to it as soon as I've done all my work.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:02, Reply)
That's marvellous.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:27, Reply)
My daughter will either be called Rachel or Jessica
Boys: James II, Charles, Angus/Malcolm (not really).
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:29, Reply)
My two are:
Elizabeth Jade
Liam Dale
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:30, Reply)
I'm not allowed to breed
Stupid EU Regulations
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:33, Reply)
Hahah
Officelol +click
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:34, Reply)
ris?

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:35, Reply)

not l to ed

EU Regulations
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:44, Reply)
I'm alow to breed stupid?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:45, Reply)
I'm a low breed
Stupid

I dunno
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:45, Reply)
Oh, I see
I'm only prepared to put about 60% of that down to me being thick
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:49, Reply)
I forgot to strikethrough to

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:50, Reply)
That's the other 40%

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:50, Reply)
Coffee time I think

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:51, Reply)
Yes please mate
Black, no sugar
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:53, Reply)
Its in the post

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:04, Reply)
I actually can't be sure this isn't a joke

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:06, Reply)
it's probably a good reason that I'm not having kids
because they would end up called Persephone and Theseus and things like that

or numbers
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:49, Reply)
Numbers would be fucking brilliant!
"TWO! Grab Three, your tea's ready"
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:50, Reply)
Six and Seven are best
for girls anyway, however I see from TGBs link earlier that some celebrity has named their kid Seven, and Six was used in the shit tv show Blossom.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:53, Reply)
Same
Glad I'm never having children because I would call them ridiculous names probably Roman in origin
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:51, Reply)
the thing is, I'd like to call kids names from mythology
Greek, Roman, Norse, whatever, but I wouldn't actually be able to bring myself to do it, so they'd end up with ordinary and boring names.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:52, Reply)
Same here.
My daughter's name is unusual though, it's just foreign, but 100% apt as it's related to my grandmother's, sister's and cousin's names, and is also Greek like her mother's grotty wankstain family.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:01, Reply)
it is a nice name too
not wanky, but not ordinary.

Means I won't need to be embarrassed when, in 20 years time, I am smashing her backdoor in
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:04, Reply)
Hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:09, Reply)
I'm quite glad you laughed at that

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:15, Reply)
You'd call your two sons
Jensen and Ackles
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:52, Reply)
I like Artemisia.
Kick ass woman, and it's the biological name for wormwood.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:53, Reply)
I like that
another difficulty I have is that I like my mum's name and should I have a child would like to name it after her.

Unfortunately it is the same as a popular brand of tyre and a system for grading restaurants, with an e added to the end of it, and she has spent her entire life being called the tyre.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:54, Reply)
I was going to make a "lolol your mum's called Michelin?" joke
until I realised that's exactly what she's called.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:58, Reply)
Micheline
pronounced Michelle-een

curiously her siblings are called Bob, Dick and Pauline
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:59, Reply)
Really?
Not Firehawk, Primacy and Energy-Saver?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:04, Reply)
surprising I know

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:05, Reply)
His uncle Goodyear is a right paedo.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:05, Reply)
and spare?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:06, Reply)
Middle name?
I like my mum's name. But it suits her well.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:07, Reply)
it's irrelevant as I'm not having children

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:08, Reply)
I meant have it as a middle name.
This is hypothetical, I assume.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:11, Reply)
that's what I thought you meant.
it is hypothetical. I'm slightly confused now and I don't know why
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:12, Reply)
That's pretty cool
I'd probably be more vindictive than that.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:57, Reply)
Philomela?
:p
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:02, Reply)
I still think Dido is a monumentally odd name to call a daughter that you actually like.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:04, Reply)
how can you tell if you like them at that point though?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:05, Reply)
Fair comment
but calling your child Dido is like naming your son after Stuart Lubbock.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:07, Reply)
did you hear that half-shit joke from some years back
First, Dodi and Di, then Dando died. (order may be wrong)

Dido must be shitting herself
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:09, Reply)
I did. It's odd which jokes one can recall, isn't it?
I've heard some that have had me in fits but had left my brain within an hour, but every single shitty Ethiopian joke from school is indelibly imprinted on my mind, it seems...
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:15, Reply)
there are about 5 jokes that I consistently remember
the sherlock holmes one, the tessa sanderson one, a couple about stevie wonder and

what's the difference between hitler and paula radcliffe? Hitler tried to finish the race.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:20, Reply)
Problem is, I like Philomela.
Having to explain that story... Eep.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:08, Reply)
The Romans beat you to the numbers thing.
Primus, Secundus etc. There was an emperor called Septimus.

FUN FACTS
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:53, Reply)
good names those

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:54, Reply)
I prefer Greek and Gaelic
but having one child called Eurymachus and another called Mhairi would quite rightly make me look a wanker.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:56, Reply)
it really would

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:58, Reply)
Luckily I'm unlikely to ever be in the position of choosing a name
as I'd have to have children for that.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:00, Reply)
If Elton and David can, you can, dearie.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:03, Reply)
Elton and David don't loathe them.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:03, Reply)
*childless men of B3ta fist-bump*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:05, Reply)
We have a Mhairi
at one of our customers
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:05, Reply)
There was a Mhairi at our school.
It's a nice name, but it will forever be associated with a fat mess to me. As will the name Amy.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:07, Reply)
Was she quite contrhairi?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:08, Reply)
That joke doesn't work :P

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:10, Reply)
worked for me

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:13, Reply)
It works, it's just not especially funny
If he'd said "was she quite cunt-hairy?" it'd have been funnier.

Cos of the SWEARING.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:13, Reply)
How did her 'lady-garden' grow, right?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:14, Reply)
Good work
There's a business opportunity here
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:19, Reply)
Why, was she not actually quite contrary?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:13, Reply)
Because Mhairi is pronounced "Vowri"
This is one reason why I'd never actually use a classical or Gaelic name. Quite apart from instantly making me a wanker, having to explain the pronounciation each time I met somebody new would get really old, really fast.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:17, Reply)
Gaelic spelling/pronunciation truly is contrary isn't it?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:19, Reply)
I was wrong
It didn't work.

Sorry Monty.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:19, Reply)

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