Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Good News Everybody!!Darth misses out on top spot as a surprise contender leaps into pole position
Jeff didn't use his badge so you don't get one
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:22,
215 replies,
latest was 15 years ago)
www.b3tards.com/u/14ebb740f3120de4f77d/badge.gif
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:27,
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You post as much per day as the bottom 16 people combined(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:50,
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I am so proudconsidering my "lurker" years
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:52,
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Top three again.I really should kill myself but I'm just too busy on here to find the time...
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:33,
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You really need to have a good lunchtime cry(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:38,
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Totally doing that right now.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:40,
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Make sure you don't make your sammichs soggy(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:42,
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They'll become un-nommable if I do, good advice, thanks!!!!!How was yo' mama?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:47,
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awesome as alwaysWe went shopping and then drank a lot of wine
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:48,
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we had a nommy nommy roast on Saturdayand then a nommy nommy full english breakfast on Sunday.
I am now as fat as Al
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:55,
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This cannot be possible in one weekend(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:55,
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You'll always win at the game of life PsychoChomp(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:36,
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Only because I've got the technique for the spinny thing down to an art.(, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:37, Reply)
I've sunk a bitthis is probably a good thing
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:34,
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Aww look at that, we're right next to each other.And Monty is sandwiched between Darth and Nakedape, I'm sure he's delighted. I wonder which one he's facing?
(, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:35, Reply)
I think he is rotating wildly in sheer happiness(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:36,
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but about which axis?that's the question
the answer is probably the axis of evil
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:37,
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I feel sick.Being the 'meat' in a Cocksnot/NakedRape sandwich is not how i would ideally be spending my Monday, really.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:40,
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We can make it a daisy chainAt least that way there's something in it for you. And if you're in the middle you don't even have to put any effort in
(, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:44, Reply)
I'll be washing my eyes...with bleach
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:50,
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Lucky MARTIN, 64, HELMCHEESE GOURMAND, FROM LOUGHBOROUGH, you mean.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:49,
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You make him sound like an Afghanistan territory(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:51,
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Most territories in that area have thousands of devoted followersA bit like Justin Bieber. And we all know how much you wish you were him.
(, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:00, Reply)
To quote the Viz,"it is the position in the middle of the man-on-man-on-man action, allowing him to be both botter and bottee simultaneously, that earns him the title 'lucky'"
(, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:56, Reply)
I'm sadfacing right about......... now(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:03,
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think I've slipped a placethis is good.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:37,
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Fucking work firewallStill can't see it. Am guessing the top four is Sporty, me, Monty, NakedApe?
If so I blame my gay jibes rating system. Those three get marked more than anyone else!
(, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:39, Reply)
if by "number 2" you mean darths pooper, I definitely didn't think I'd see the day when psychochomp would be talking about darths pooper(
Lisette von Falcon, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:50,
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I don't think Chompy hates meI believe his position on the matter to be somewhere between derision and indifference.
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I THINK PSYCHO CHOMP LIKES DARTHS POOPER IS WHAT I THINK OKAY?JUST PUTTING THAT OUT THERE
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Lisette von Falcon, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:08,
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I like thisYour post, not Chompy's alleged interest in my Xbox Fancy (thank you b3th). Ew.
(, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:09, Reply)
7/10Points for speed. Points lost for the suggestion that I would touch you with a shitty stick
(, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:23, Reply)
I've nudged up a fair few places.This is what happens when the broadband's been paid for at work.
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Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:42,
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Oh god, I'm up againand I was really busy last week and didn't post at all on Friday...
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:54,
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I am exactl centrefield.Completely unremarkable in any way. This deserves an entire chapter in my memoirs.
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Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:56,
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Your autobiography you mean?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:57,
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Memoirs sounds classier.They are starting to look like a thirty page epic already!
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Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:59,
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And still they'll be more intelligently written than Jordan's.
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Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:02,
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That graph will take up two pages easily(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:02,
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There are another 2 pages - references(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:04,
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It'll go down in historyalongside The Iliad, Beowulf, The Nibelungen and the Saga of the Volsungs as a culturally defining moment in literature.
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Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:11,
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If you mean "I'll never hear of it unless they make it into a film",then you're right.
I am of course joking. I've heard of a couple of those. The Iliad was written by Homer Simpson, wasn't it?
(, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:17, Reply)
I found out todaythat one of my staff has a daughter called 'Keegan', and a granddaughter called 'Jordan'. Top that if you can.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:08,
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jordan is a very popular name hereif i had a girl i'd name her Evangeline
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Lisette von Falcon, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:09,
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I think many have "topped" Jordan(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:10,
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Isn't the word 'tupped'?As in 'to copulate with a sheep'?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:12,
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My cousin named his firstborn son JordanIt was in reference to the country his mother died in. And predated the rise to fame of that ghastly inflatable sex doll by some years. Poor kid. Grew up in Bolton, too. Never had a chance.
(, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:10, Reply)
My mate has a son called ParisMake of that what you will
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:12,
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Your mate is a benderThat's what I make of it. Any objections or alternative suggestions, B3ta?
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He is a 6'4" ex-Navy guy with a skinheadParis just does not compute
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:16,
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Yes it doesHe shaves his head and was in the Navy. You're just lending weight to my argument. Benders can be tall too!
(, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:17, Reply)
Why? Paris is a boy's name.(
Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:17,
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The Homeric Paris was a cunt though.It's like naming your child after Alan fucking Sugar or somesuch wanker.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:25,
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I think it was the copulation point(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:26,
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I thank the lordthat I'm not called Conneticut
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:44,
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i know a girl that's done the same, but she has a girlapparently she's a gypsy
well her family are gypsys
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Lisette von Falcon, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:15,
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They must have nicked the name from somewhere then.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:26,
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I thinkthis list will make you delightfully angry
Reignbeau is probably my "favourite"
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:12,
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Christ on a shitting bike.*despairs*
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:14,
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I feel much better having sensible names for my kidsBastard and shithead
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:17,
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My daughter Slaaaag will thank me one day.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:17,
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One of my mates insisted his firstborn would be called"GetBackInTheCupboard" as that would be the only words he spoke to them
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:18,
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fucking hellalthough, one of them is Seven, which I think is a good name.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:47,
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HE NAMED HIS DAUGHTER AFTER KEVIN FUCKING KEEGAN.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:14,
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By virtue of the fact that this woman already has a daughter I conclude that your mate was a Liverpool fan in the mid-to-late 70sWhat are you doing associating with a Scouser?
(, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:15, Reply)
That did occur to mebut she'd have had to have been born about 16 years ago, and that's WAY too young to have a child of her own.
(, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:19, Reply)
Have you heard of Newcastle?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:21,
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It's a man and he's about 60.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:21,
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He's from Dalston.Apparently it was 'OK round there 'til all the 'soots' moved in'.
This is a lie of monumental proportions.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:16,
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Just up the road from me.It's the 'new Shoreditch' and thus mixed in with the African nightclubs and bushmeat stalls are fixie shops and cunt bars.
Great.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:19,
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I went to London Fields onSaturday. Big fucking mistake, I had to go and see the Doctor on Sunday as I had bleeds in my eye.
(, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:35, Reply)
We went to Victoria Park: considerably fewer spastics and a couple of superb pubs.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:41,
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Sounds like you had a much betterweekend than I! Did you see your Mother? (HA!)
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In a 70's Ford Escort windscreen sticker kind of way(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:19,
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Why don't people do that any more?That was hilarious.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:20,
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There's a car I've seen around my way (by which I mean Norwich as a whole, it's not a big place)which has the windscreen sticker saying on one side "Peaches" and the other "Clunge". I'm not kidding. I wonder if they know it's there.
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The biggest shame about Kevin "Fucking" Keeganis that his middle name doesn't also begin with a 'K.'
(, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:21, Reply)
My first born son shall be calledSarpedon and the second Siegfried. My daughters shall be called Aranciata and Mephisto.
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Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:15,
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Don't pretend you don't know.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:17,
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I doubt very much that the mother will allow you any say in the matterBesides, if you can prove it's yours they'll bang you up with the same evidence, innit
(, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:19, Reply)
Fucked if I knowwhen I were a lad all this were Dangermouse.
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Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:17,
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By far the greatest name I've encoutered recently belongs to an Italian lass - Accursia Aquilinia. Say it in a West Indian accent.
(, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:22, Reply)
Not that either name is especially funny,but I used to know a Jenna Taylor
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You've known a few of them in your time(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:40,
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I'm trying to lower my average ahead of TGB's next graphI can't win everything.
Honest, its not just 'cos I'm not funny at all
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:45,
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You are thoughYou're bloody funny. That's why you got a disappointed look as well as a crap score.
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TGB has declined the opportunity to graph the darth scores(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:59,
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It would be a pain in the arse, even for someone who wanted to see themI'll get around to it as soon as I've done all my work.
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My daughter will either be called Rachel or JessicaBoys: James II, Charles, Angus/Malcolm (not really).
(, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:29, Reply)
My two are:Elizabeth Jade
Liam Dale
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:30,
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I'm a low breedStupid
I dunno
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:45,
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Oh, I seeI'm only prepared to put about 60% of that down to me being thick
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I forgot to strikethrough to (
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:50,
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it's probably a good reason that I'm not having kidsbecause they would end up called Persephone and Theseus and things like that
or numbers
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:49,
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Numbers would be fucking brilliant!"TWO! Grab Three, your tea's ready"
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:50,
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Six and Seven are bestfor girls anyway, however I see from TGBs link earlier that some celebrity has named their kid Seven, and Six was used in the shit tv show Blossom.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:53,
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SameGlad I'm never having children because I would call them ridiculous names probably Roman in origin
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:51,
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the thing is, I'd like to call kids names from mythologyGreek, Roman, Norse, whatever, but I wouldn't actually be able to bring myself to do it, so they'd end up with ordinary and boring names.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:52,
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Same here.My daughter's name is unusual though, it's just foreign, but 100% apt as it's related to my grandmother's, sister's and cousin's names, and is also Greek like her mother's grotty wankstain family.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:01,
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it is a nice name toonot wanky, but not ordinary.
Means I won't need to be embarrassed when, in 20 years time, I am smashing her backdoor in
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:04,
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I'm quite glad you laughed at that(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:15,
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I like Artemisia.Kick ass woman, and it's the biological name for wormwood.
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:53,
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I like thatanother difficulty I have is that I like my mum's name and should I have a child would like to name it after her.
Unfortunately it is the same as a popular brand of tyre and a system for grading restaurants, with an e added to the end of it, and she has spent her entire life being called the tyre.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:54,
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I was going to make a "lolol your mum's called Michelin?" jokeuntil I realised that's exactly what she's called.
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Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:58,
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Michelinepronounced Michelle-een
curiously her siblings are called Bob, Dick and Pauline
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:59,
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surprising I know(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:05,
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His uncle Goodyear is a right paedo.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:05,
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Middle name?I like my mum's name. But it suits her well.
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:07,
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it's irrelevant as I'm not having children(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:08,
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I meant have it as a middle name. This is hypothetical, I assume.
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:11,
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that's what I thought you meant.it is hypothetical. I'm slightly confused now and I don't know why
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:12,
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That's pretty coolI'd probably be more vindictive than that.
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:57,
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I still think Dido is a monumentally odd name to call a daughter that you actually like.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:04,
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how can you tell if you like them at that point though?(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:05,
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Fair commentbut calling your child Dido is like naming your son after Stuart Lubbock.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:07,
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did you hear that half-shit joke from some years backFirst, Dodi and Di, then Dando died. (order may be wrong)
Dido must be shitting herself
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:09,
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I did. It's odd which jokes one can recall, isn't it?I've heard some that have had me in fits but had left my brain within an hour, but every single shitty Ethiopian joke from school is indelibly imprinted on my mind, it seems...
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:15,
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there are about 5 jokes that I consistently rememberthe sherlock holmes one, the tessa sanderson one, a couple about stevie wonder and
what's the difference between hitler and paula radcliffe? Hitler tried to finish the race.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:20,
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Problem is, I like Philomela.Having to explain that story... Eep.
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:08,
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The Romans beat you to the numbers thing.Primus, Secundus etc. There was an emperor called Septimus.
FUN FACTS
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Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:53,
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good names those(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:54,
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I prefer Greek and Gaelicbut having one child called Eurymachus and another called Mhairi would quite rightly make me look a wanker.
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Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:56,
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it really would(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 14:58,
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Luckily I'm unlikely to ever be in the position of choosing a nameas I'd have to have children for that.
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Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:00,
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If Elton and David can, you can, dearie.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:03,
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We have a Mhairiat one of our customers
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:05,
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There was a Mhairi at our school.It's a nice name, but it will forever be associated with a fat mess to me. As will the name Amy.
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Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:07,
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worked for me(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:13,
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It works, it's just not especially funnyIf he'd said "was she quite cunt-hairy?" it'd have been funnier.
Cos of the SWEARING.
(, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:13, Reply)
How did her 'lady-garden' grow, right?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:14,
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Why, was she not actually quite contrary?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:13,
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Because Mhairi is pronounced "Vowri"This is one reason why I'd never actually use a classical or Gaelic name. Quite apart from instantly making me a wanker, having to explain the pronounciation each time I met somebody new would get really old, really fast.
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Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:17,
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Gaelic spelling/pronunciation truly is contrary isn't it?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:19,
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