Serious answer is serious: now find me a good genetic engineer.
Bonsai penguins. Maybe four inches high, so you can keep 'em on a shelf in your fridge. The merchandising opportunities are endless - you'd need sachets of salts etc to make up the right balance for the water they swim in, you can sell moulds to fill with water and freeze to make them playgrounds, but the real money will be in the bonsai sardines you feed them. This idea is solid fucking gold, I tell you.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:01, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

that would be awesome
if you can make them, my mrs will be your first customer
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:03, Reply)

This is brilliant
although you'd need to find a way to keep the light on fopr them when the door closes...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:03, Reply)

Why? It's not like they photosynthesise.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:14, Reply)

and they live somewhere that it is dark for half the year
possibly
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:21, Reply)

Was the "possibly" an afterthought?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:22, Reply)

They'll get all confused honk all the time

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:21, Reply)

It's probably telling that my first objection would be
that they'd just shit on all my food, rather than the more practical issues.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:10, Reply)

Put them on the bottom shelf, then.
No-one will believe you if you claim to keep anything in the salad drawer.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:14, Reply)

It's full of the salad picked off kebabs

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:21, Reply)

He keeps a velour doll folded up in there
so he can pretend it's a corpse.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:21, Reply)

I've got loads of stuff in there
a pack of tomatoes, a cucumber, pack of babyleaf spinach, half a red onion, some shallots, a leek, couple of garlic bulbs, a red and a green pepper, a ginger root and a couple of carrots.

So nurrr.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:28, Reply)

a pack of tomatoes, a cucumber, pack of babyleaf spinach, half a red onion, some shallots, a leek, couple of garlic bulbs, a red and a green pepper, a ginger root and a couple of carrots.

arms, legs, a torso and some entrails
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:30, Reply)