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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Christ on a bike I'm boredEntertain me with your Dragon's Den idea to make very many monies
ALT: Something about sandwiches or just witches, I don't care.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:38,
182 replies,
latest was 15 years ago)
Its just that stuff they use as packing paperpainted red, with "Tension Sheet" painted on it.
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Peej, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:40,
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Monty's gonna eat you.(
Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:42,
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He would first marinade him in some tayyabs sauceand then cook him in a tandoor.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:44, Reply)
Speaking of which, where _is_ monty today? I do hope he's not split up with Lusty and is too upset to post.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:35,
Reply)
I like thisI especially like that you didn't bother to explain. You know if you ever have a son the only appropriate middle name for him is Judas.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:44, Reply)
It's not the kids so muchmore the pregnancies that 2 now where we have spend many days in hospital with various problems but ended up with 2 healthy kids. I'm not sure either of us can go through it all again.
Plus we have a three bedroomed house so no-one has to share. One room for the wife, one for each of the kids and the sofa or shed for me.
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Peej, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:50,
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You get the sopha if you've been a good boy?I'm now thinking about getting pregnant, but reading all those pregnancy pages is making me scare. It's a wonder human race is still here, having into account all the suffering women have to go through for each baby. Why would they repeat?
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:53, Reply)
My wife has been absolutely fine so farNo morning sickness, no stretch marks, no backache...4 months to go though!
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:57,
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she's not pregnantjust fat
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:59,
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I have to concur with Dr ViprosYour wife likes food and is afraid you'll dump her on account of your crippling shallowness
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:01, Reply)
Lucky herOne of my friends didn't feel a thing. All the other 4 went through different types and levels of pain, fainting, vomiting... And then, the delivering, just to finish it well.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:02, Reply)
If I'm really naughtyshe makes me sleep in the same bed as her.
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Peej, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:01,
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hello champI especially like
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:48,
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I know, but I'm sooo tiredhangover has passed, but it's left me weak and a bit moany
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:51,
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Allow me(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:56, Reply)
angover eterosexuality
a bit moany unable to resist the various shipmates of HMS Julian Clary, just docked for shore leave and eager for fresh meat
to bugger you
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:57,
Reply)
you missed one in the previous thread as well(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:02,
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www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1155023
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:08,
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There seems to be little point in continuing the scoringgiven that last time I published the rankings I was trolled half to death.
Still quite a giggle though I suppose.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:15, Reply)
I'm not going to lieit is stupid and pointless, but then there is little on here that isn't.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:17,
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I only started rating the jibes to show I had a sense of humour about the whole thingUnfortunately, I like scores and tables an' that
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:21, Reply)
Darth! Darth!I looked at the website for the half marathon today. When are we going to make this official?
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:24, Reply)
my old boss is running that stupid load of marathons in the Sahara at the momentthe crazy bastard
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:27,
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I foresee three problems, Jugs1) Neither of us possesses the haberdashery skill to make an outfit that resembles a skyscraper or a plane
2) If we did, or could find people who do, and the outfits are made and worn, we will be either beaten to death by an angry public or made into national hate figures, possibly both
3) I might be in Argentina on September 11th.
MIGHT is the operative word, but Ms Foxtrot is very keen. Making it official might be premature. Am still up for a half-marathon though.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:28, Reply)
I fucking hate you and I hope you get Argentinian bum AIDS diseaseI've been so good these last three weeks running at least every other day and now you drop this bombshell. I'm going to burn my running shoes and post you the ashes scattered over photos of myself eating kebabs.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:30, Reply)
So you don't fancy another one a couple of weeks later then?Well done on the running, how far are you going now?
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:31, Reply)
I ran two miles in 19.30 on the treadmill last nightEDIT - where is the other one?
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:33, Reply)
Actually, there is one in London on the 25th SeptemberI think I might do that
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:35, Reply)
Good workThe Great North Run is on the 18th of September, so we could get Sportscow to come cheer us on and possibly call him a slovenly wretch as we fly past on our winged feet of fleetness, and there's one in London on the 25th
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:39, Reply)
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:25,
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Prostitute yourselfwell, maybe not yourself, I don't know if you'd get rich like that. Maybe... who knows... there're plenty of desperate women out there... you can try... why not...
Sandwiches are good. Yesterday I tried grilled aubergine and humus sandwiche. Really good.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:44, Reply)
I'm not too keen on the texture of aubergine(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:46,
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I used to hate it tooNow I love it. Just takes some time to get use to it, like beer.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:48, Reply)
When?For the prostitution bussiness? No, I haven't got a phone number yet.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:49, Reply)
no, i'll not have you making monies off my ideaalt: mega nomwich, as I so deemed, consists of french bread hollowed, bleu cheese dressing, provolone, cucumber, onion, spinach, sliced turkey
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Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:46,
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that sounds fucking vile(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:47,
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it has cucumber in itergot it is disgusting.
also, blue cheese mings, I'm not fond of spinach, and turkey is pretty much the least impressive of all meats
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:49,
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Turkey is for people that can't afford chickenchicken is for people that can't afford swan
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:51,
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is that a joke?turkey is way more expensive than chicken
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Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:52,
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Not in England it's not.It is chicken's poor cousin, in price, taste and moisture retention.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:53,
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just like your mother(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:53,
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not herebecause it's shit
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:53,
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I am inclined to agree however, I just use the lunch meat not actual turkeyhowever, it truly is way more expensive
my mom spends like $25 on a turkey for christmas and a whole chicken is like 5 bucks or something
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Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:57,
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you know turkeys are much much bigger than chickens right?on weight, turkey is probably cheaper.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:58,
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how much do chickens weigh?i doubt it's cheaper
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Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:03,
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Turkeys need longer to mature than chickensbut I imagine if you're only paying $5 for a chicken, it will have been raised in pretty horrible conditions.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:04, Reply)
You wishtry filthy dark shed so tightly packed with birds that they can hardly move and have to walk over the bodies of their dead and rotting friends.
And the birds are engineered to grow incredibly fast and are pumped full of chemicals and hormones to speed their growth, before they and brutally slaughted at the end of their short and miserable lives.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:08,
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and that's just hereI shudder to think what else they do to them in America
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:09,
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This is a good argument against those that complain about Fois Grasday to day farming on an industrial scale creates far more misery than the 10k geese slaughtered in France each year for their delicous silky livers.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:11,
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Plus Foie Gras is fucking deliciousbut battery chickens taste like shit.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:12, Reply)
and foie gras is at least 4000 times as delicious as chicken(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:12,
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First homecooked meal after my diet is going to be beef wellington with a foie gras and mushroom duxelle.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:05, Reply)
I heard they make them salute a little flag eaach morningand sing a song
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I can't think of anything worse(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:12,
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maybe in a grocery store, but I buy my chicken from the butcher, it's free range and yes, only 5 bucks(
Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:13,
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Good for youThough I struggle to understand how any farmer can raise a chicken and sell it for $5 and still be making money.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:15, Reply)
that was my thoughtunless it is free range + growth hormones
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:16,
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not sure what to tell you, chicks are super cheap around here (
Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:16,
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Good for you**contary to apperances this post contains no sarcasm
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:15,
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well....I have nothing to say to that. Other than that you get good value chicken.
It's still nicer than turkey though. Stop wasting your money on turkey.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:15,
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Our Christmas turkey was £80 i thinkit was massive though
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:01,
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why did you buy it if it's chicken's poor cousin?(
Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:03,
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Because our traditional christmas meal of Goosehas been usurped by the Merkin turkey industry and it's insidious marketing of Turkey being a christmas bird.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:05, Reply)
sounds like bullshit to meif you want goose then have goose
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Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:06,
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goose will cost you £100 these daysand won't feed as many
nice though
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:06,
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This is a super Turkey for Christmas, it's traditional initI only by free range chicken which bumps up the price even more.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:06,
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That is cheap.A decent size turkey over here could cost £50
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:04,
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personal taste innitMAKE YOUR OWN MEGA NOMWICH I DON'T CARE
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Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:52,
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do you people just ask questions in order to disagree with someone?why ask a question about sandwiches if you make your decisions based on subway ingrediants?
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Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:04,
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wouldn't disagree if you weren't wrong(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:08,
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by your standardswhat sort of creep doesn't like cucumbers anyway
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Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:13,
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the ones who have the ability to taste something in them that makes it fucking disgusting(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:19,
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wtf can you taste in them? sunshine, happiness and rainbows?i bet you like "beetroot" don't you
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Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:23,
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phenylthiocarbamidesbeetroot is alright. I've never bought it, but I'll eat it
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:24,
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Beetroot is fucking incredibleSlowly roasted beetroot is so divine, and sweet pickled baby beetroots are so delicious.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:25, Reply)
that does sound good(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:27,
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They do taste earthy, but are brilliant with goasts cheese and balsamic vinegar(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:29,
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never had goast cheesebut never will eat them, after having been forced to as a child
I can no longer stand to be in a kitchen while they're cooking, let alone get them past my nose
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Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:36,
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Fair comment, childhood food taumas stick with you for a long timegoasts cheeses is special goats cheese
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:38,
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Ergonot ergot. That's a mould that grows on cereal crops and makes you go mental.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:16, Reply)
I knew thatI don't know how that t crept in there
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:20,
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Sounds bleu.(
Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:49,
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There is an amer'ican dinner that opened up down the road from me and their bluecheese dip is OH MY FUCKING GAWD GOOOOOOOD(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:17,
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I'm afraid the website isn't much more than a logo, but the place is called Brook's Dinner in Hampden SquareI've taken a load of photos on my phone and will write up on it for coll3ctive sometime over the next few days though =)
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:39,
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Reality TV has passed the point of no returnCelebrity "culture" makes people famous for no reason, canonises and vilifies them week on week. The world has far too many no-marks who've risen to prominence despite no right to it; people like Paris Hilton, Jordan, Justin Bieber, Michael McIntyre. How to thin out the ranks whilst indulging the baying public's love of pointless reality shows?
My proposition; Celebrity Running Man
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:47, Reply)
Along similar linesCelebrity Fit Test - pointless, vacuous celebrities being forced through smaller and smaller holes.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:49, Reply)
I like thisHopefully the holes they can fit through lead to hungry sharks
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:52, Reply)
Have you seen The Cube (or Cube, I don't remember)They should do that on TV, with those celebrities.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:54, Reply)
If only the TV cube were like the film Cube(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:55,
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With Philip Schofield overseeing the ever-more creative slaughter"The first of Joe Swash's limbs to be removed by cheese wire will be... revealed right after the break!"
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:59, Reply)
Oh, yeah! No, no, no! Better!You get to vote who is going to be slaughter and how, where it's going to start and all that... that'd be fun. I wouldn't watch it because I'd get sick, but I bet they'd make millions!
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:04, Reply)
How long have you lived in England?Enough time surrounded by Heat magazine and you'll be baying for blood like the rest of us
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:09, Reply)
It's even less surprisingif you know that Hello magazine is in fact Spanish, and ¡Hola! was the first one. ¡Hola! doesn't only mean hello, you can use it when you're surprised.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C2%A1Hola!
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:25, Reply)
The holes would eventually end uptoo small for a human to fit through.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:05, Reply)
Does that mean they've won?Or are they being chased through the holes by angry bears?
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:10, Reply)
No, the idea is they get forced throughlike play-doh through those things kids have.
Y'know, toys.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:25, Reply)
I think you've stolen quite a lot of your ideas from yesterday's Big Brother thread. Sharks. Bears. Etc.I'm keeping an eye on you, young Darth. Just saying. Me and Wookie want a cut of the action if this goes anywhere.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:27, Reply)
I promise you will see a percentage of the fortune I make with my bloodthirsty reality TV empire5% of fuck all is still nothing, right?
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:30, Reply)
That's exactly what I'm worried aboutI'll *see* you waving a percentage of it at me from your limo as you drive past whilst being fellated by a trio of young cherubs.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:45, Reply)
Winna!would you be a galdiator?
You could bum people to death
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:49,
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HAHAHAHA!For this and your HMS Julian Clary earlier *CLICKITYCLICK*
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:46,
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Is inverting the la to spell "al" deliberate?Because that would be worth a click.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:57, Reply)
Hole In The Wallonly it's a real wall, and the hole is strung with cheesewire. And the water is full of electric eels.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:57, Reply)
I want to be a witch.I have the mad hair, the cats and a big pan.
*thinks about growing a wart*
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girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:49,
Reply)
You only need a broom!I'll get you a witch hat for your birthday, shall I?
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:51, Reply)
Yes please : )I have a big head so make sure it fits.
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girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:51,
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I'll order it extra largeand with a rubber band, in case it's too big. You want it black or pinky?
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:55, Reply)
my mrs has one that is about 3 feet tall(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:59,
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HAHAHAHA PENIS(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:01,
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I think I may be feeling some sarcastic laughter here(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:04,
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Black.I think those pink sparkly deeley boppers I wore at your wedding reception were enough.
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girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:00,
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Some witches are rather attractiveI married one. However when they take their masks off!
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Peej, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:52,
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*simultaneously has heart attack and shits self*(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:54,
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Didn't expect your mum on the forum?(
Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 14:55,
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before he puts his make up on in the morning(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:00,
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True story, 'witches' used to have infected yeast in their bread that turned to LSD, leading them to thinking they're flying.The whole broom thing was because they got so horny that they would masturbate with the brooms.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:37,
Reply)
Serious answer is serious: now find me a good genetic engineer.Bonsai penguins. Maybe four inches high, so you can keep 'em on a shelf in your fridge. The merchandising opportunities are endless - you'd need sachets of salts etc to make up the right balance for the water they swim in, you can sell moulds to fill with water and freeze to make them playgrounds, but the real money will be in the bonsai sardines you feed them. This idea is solid fucking gold, I tell you.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:01, Reply)
that would be awesomeif you can make them, my mrs will be your first customer
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:03,
Reply)
This is brilliantalthough you'd need to find a way to keep the light on fopr them when the door closes...
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:03,
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and they live somewhere that it is dark for half the yearpossibly
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:21,
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They'll get all confused honk all the time(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:21,
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It's probably telling that my first objection would bethat they'd just shit on all my food, rather than the more practical issues.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:10,
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Put them on the bottom shelf, then.No-one will believe you if you claim to keep anything in the salad drawer.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:14, Reply)
He keeps a velour doll folded up in thereso he can pretend it's a corpse.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:21, Reply)
I've got loads of stuff in therea pack of tomatoes, a cucumber, pack of babyleaf spinach, half a red onion, some shallots, a leek, couple of garlic bulbs, a red and a green pepper, a ginger root and a couple of carrots.
So nurrr.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:28,
Reply)
arms, legs, a torso and some entrails
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:30,
Reply)
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