Shitting crikey I'm bored; still got loads to do as well
Tell me about your first job? I worked in a Maize Maze set out like a dragon and got paid pittance, so I ate my way through as much ice-cream as I could to make up the difference.

ALT:weird things your body can do
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:11, 112 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Not counting paper rounds
I worked as a receptionist/secretary-type thing in a driving school. It was from this interesting experience that I learned two things:
1. Driving instructors are frequently (but to be fair, not always) a bit strange
2. The general public are frequently (in fact, almost always) objectionable cunts.

Alt: That pre-cum thing.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:16, Reply)

First job was washing cars in my village. Ooo-arr.
First full time job was office paper shuffling bitch. Those were the days my friend.....

Alt: 200 pelvic thrusts per second.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:16, Reply)

*tumbleweeds*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:17, Reply)

Ooh, someone's got me on ignore...

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:18, Reply)

nah, it came up as the same time as your post!
i don't think you have it in you to get ignored
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:19, Reply)

Oh, I don't know, I suspect a few people have got me on ignore

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:26, Reply)

I wonder if anyone is ignoring me?
most people opt for abuse instead...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:39, Reply)

I am.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:48, Reply)

You're doing a stirling job

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:51, Reply)

My body is being a dick at the mo.
I feel sick a lot, and I'm really faint and dizzy right now. I think I just need food.

I volunteered at a charity shop for DofE. It was quite good. The end.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:19, Reply)

I hate the smell of charity shops
death and dust
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:20, Reply)

Oh yes, everything smells.
But I got free Coke.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:22, Reply)

Don't tell Monty

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:23, Reply)

It wasnt unlimited, sadly.
And you can't take advantage of little old ladies, can you?

...can you?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:25, Reply)

CTITF

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:28, Reply)

Eh?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:29, Reply)

Cunt them in the fuck

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:36, Reply)

Collecting glasses at a pub in the village
it was fucking horrible.

Alt: move
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:31, Reply)

My first job was stacking the shelves in the biscuit and misc baking goods aisle..
..at the local Gateway (think they're called Somerfield now). My pittance of a wage was supplemented by fig rolls and garibaldis. I pity supermarket employees nowadays who don't even have the minor pleasure of using a pricing gun.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:40, Reply)

I've just had a quick nose on Sickipedia.
My God it's shit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 May 2011, 17:48, Reply)

discounting paper rounds and petty theft
I was a Betterware door-to-door salesman for a couple of months. There were lots of new houses in my patch and so I flogged a ridiculous quantity of plastic tat.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:03, Reply)

Delivering the free newspaper 'The Bristol Journal'
300 copies got delivered every Friday and my 'job' was to deliver them.

Pay was 3p a paper plus an extra 1p for each leaflet (should there be any that week). On average there were probably about 2 leaflets a week.

I had that job for about 2 months. Total number of papers delivered? Less than 50 in the first week. Total number of papers and leaflets dumped in the woods - Probably close to 10,000. All the local kids who had a similar round couldn't be fucked with it and we all dumped the papers in the same place.

The Bristol Journal doesn't exist anymore.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:17, Reply)

Look, there in the bushes, look it's woodland PORN!
No, no wait, it just the sodding Bristol Journal again, nevermind.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:20, Reply)

I think the kids of Bristol were probably responsible for the 80s housing crash.
The paper was wall-to-wall estate agent advertisments.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:25, Reply)

Alright Jeff
Enjoy W******* R***?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:20, Reply)

Ssh!
Err, I've got no idea what you're talking about...

Started shit, ended up as watchable as usual, the end was good
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:24, Reply)

Edited for secrecy's sake :)
I'm quite looking forward to seeing what happens with Sam in the next episode. Didn't like the way they treated the new teacher :S
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:29, Reply)

Oh, that one who returned from teaching with the 5 point lesson plan was a right bellend.
What price that Fisher gets it on with Robson Green before the series ends, eh?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:30, Reply)

I didn't think so
they were going down the Conservative = nasty and cruel route, and it wasn't really working. After all it was her who spotted there was something wrong to begin with.

Yeah I suspect so as well. I was surprised to see Finn walking, and that the pastoral care woman had fucked off
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:40, Reply)

I was quite pleased that the didn't drag out of the abused child storyline
I'm sure the fall-out from it will last most of the series, but getting to the point of the story was nice and quick.

I reckon Tom will end up with the nasty and cruel Tory.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:45, Reply)

do you think?
I guess at least he isn't with Rose Kelly. Now that was a strange storyline
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:02, Reply)

There is always a Tom with difficult-relationship storyline
I'm not sure how many episodes this series is going to have, but I dare say they'll shoehorn something in there.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:05, Reply)

I heard somewhere there's going to be thirty episodes

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:11, Reply)

Blimey.
It's more of a soap opera than a drama.

What do you want to see happen this series?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:13, Reply)

I'd like to see something horrible to happen
to the one whose name I've forgotten (big bushy hair, makes fun of Sam a lot- Lauren possibly), and see some more of Grantley and Ruby because they're pretty funny. You?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:24, Reply)

I'd like to see the gobby one who was going to give her baby to Ruby run over by a bus.
She annoys me.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:27, Reply)

Janeece. Yeah she does stir things up a bit too much
my favourites are still Karen and Chris though
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:29, Reply)

What has been your all time favourite storyline?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:30, Reply)

not sure actually
there's been a few good ones. You?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:34, Reply)

Like that other TV show I suggested you might enjoy
There is nothing 'brilliant' in it, but it remains quite watchable.

Did you download any other episodes of that 'other TV series'?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:36, Reply)

the first word is "wanker" isn't it?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:52, Reply)

Oh dear, someone is over-tired.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:54, Reply)

so basically...
... you stole from a little struggling newspaper and killed it.

bravo jeff.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:30, Reply)

Pretty much.
Although I'm not having a member of the legal profession lecture me about professional robbery.

(Worries that if you reply, you'll send me a bill for you time, including additional charges for 'thinking' and a whopping bill for 'sustenance')
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:32, Reply)

that is the difference between a lawyer and you
i would ALWAYS "think" before replying to a client, a colleague, the other side, the court...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:51, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1189946

alt: my eye makes a really nasty squishy noise when I rub it.
That is all.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:22, Reply)

Oh dear

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:24, Reply)

to which bit?
I mean, squishy eye noises are very gross, sounds like I'm fapping.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:28, Reply)

In the morning
When I stretch after getting up, I can make this really deep clunk noise where either my ribs or my clavicals move into place against my sternum.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:45, Reply)

You are a Transformer
And I claim my robot in disguise five-pounds.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:46, Reply)

Five pounds??
From my cold dead hands. I love fivers.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:51, Reply)

I love fivers too.
I love tenners twice as much as I love fivers though, and as for twenty quid, well... Wow!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:55, Reply)

Uhhh. Ummm. ok
I will remember that.

I like the £50 aswell. Fivers mostly though.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:02, Reply)

Imagine having TEN fivers.
Just imagine THAT!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:07, Reply)

Dewd
I can't. I would prefer to have the lot in fivers. Really. I love the £5 note.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Thu 5 May 2011, 21:23, Reply)

deli counter.
not fun, smelled bad, nasty uniform.

I'm a bit hypermobile in my legs and fingers. The fingers one is weird as it means I had to concentrate just to get my hand flat when doing 'knife hand' in Taekwon do
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:48, Reply)

did you make sammiches?
I like sammiches
can't eat them though :(
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:54, Reply)

no
I sliced ham and bacon and cheese
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:58, Reply)

Did anyone put their dick in the bacon slicer?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:02, Reply)

not that I know of, why?
did you want to?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:04, Reply)

It's from the old jokes home.
And no, I don't want to
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:07, Reply)

nah, they're afraid of her dad

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:04, Reply)

ah! I get it now
then no, Jeff, no one did :(
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:09, Reply)

groan

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:09, Reply)

no
that goes in the mashed potato.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:33, Reply)

that video you posted on fb was hilarious
And the larper girl was hot.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:55, Reply)

it was from LiT
I think all my larper friends will be forwarding that one, now

I need to find the mp3 to put on playlists for journeys to events, now
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 May 2011, 18:59, Reply)

Light in Tights?
That's Darth isn't it?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:13, Reply)

Excited about your match this weekend Lighty?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:14, Reply)

Yep!
Not as much as Darth is about this, mind, but given a lot of Wolves fans were saying this would be the match where THEY relegated US when the fixtures were published, I'm certainly looking forward to some gloating.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:16, Reply)

I get you two mixed up
OK, well, I was sleeping and didn't type well
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:14, Reply)

wait, think what you just said there
"...the larper girl was hot..."

go away and reconsider your life
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:14, Reply)

I know three hot larpers

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:30, Reply)

there were lots the other weekend, allegedly
but that was because it was really sunny and they were wearing inappropriately heavy clothing
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:32, Reply)

alright Jeff

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:33, Reply)

:(

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:33, Reply)

:((

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:34, Reply)

heavy?
why would that make them more attractive? And yeah there are some alright ones, generally in an alternative sense, but still.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:35, Reply)

hot as in warm
I was being hilarious
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:36, Reply)

alright Jeff

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:37, Reply)

it only gets worse! :(
I guess I best just go and vote instead
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:38, Reply)

Yes or No though....
I like the idea of voting 'Yes' as it make me think... 'Ooh, look at me, I'm doing something positive!' but then there is the 'No' option and it makes me think I'm being all assertive.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:40, Reply)

*feels silly*

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:43, Reply)

I left school halfway through a single A-Level in Business Studies, the closest you could get to an IT qualification, to join a youth-training scheme as a dbase programmer with day release at Aylesbury college
which turned out to be a shithole, and I really disliked programming, so I turned my hand to a contract my boss got which was building an academic dial-up bulletin board system that predated the internet by about a year. I rather enjoyed that, and ran up a £100 quarter phone bill by spending ages online exchanging messages with relative strangers. Odd, seventeen years later and not much has changed.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:39, Reply)

Alt:
My happy trail is off-centre. I appear to be able to walk many miles with few-to-no ill effects. I have shot spunk over my head in the past. I don't know if that's that strange.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:40, Reply)

who's spunk
is the question
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:41, Reply)

My own.
Not managed to get it in my eye yet, I reckon that's an instant thirty points, especially as I'm usually wearing my glasses.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:42, Reply)

well if you do
it will "...sting like nothing you've ever had in there..." quote from bad sex in fiction award winner some years ago
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:45, Reply)

I'll be honest here, I've felt many stingy things in my time, I find it hard to believe a little bit of splooge is going to hurt more than remnants of chopped chillies or tabasco sauce.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:45, Reply)

chillipiss!

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:48, Reply)

Argh fuck no please no no no no chilli piss!

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:48, Reply)

I can't believe that
I've wiped my eye after chopping chillis.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:46, Reply)

Zozizozizozizozizozizozizozizozizozizozi.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:48, Reply)

nooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllll!

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:53, Reply)

Why don't you post during the day?
Have you got *gasp* one of those job things?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:54, Reply)

yeah
one I actually enjoy and I'm still in that honeymoon period where I don't want to take the piss.

I'm sure it'll pass.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:57, Reply)

And he came hard in her mouth and his dick jumped around and rattled on her teeth and he blacked out and she took his dick out of her mouth and lifted herself from his face and whipped the pillow away and he gasped and glugged at the air, and he came again so hard that his dick wrenched out of her hand and a shot of it hit him straight in the eye and stung like nothing he'd ever had in there, and he yelled with the pain, but the yell could have been anything, and as she grabbed at his dick, which was leaping around like a shower dropped in an empty bath, she scratched his back deeply with the nails of both hands and he shot three more times, in thick stripes on her chest. Like Zorro.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:48, Reply)

*wanks*
Obviously not a fan of spicy foods.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:49, Reply)

Is that Giles Coren's work?

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:49, Reply)

yes

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:50, Reply)

I remember reading that and in my head 'she' could only be Sue Perkins

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:52, Reply)

and coincidentally
that's how I just voted. I had THREE things to vote on. That makes it a good day
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:58, Reply)

*adds to list of things I never needed to know*

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:46, Reply)

Please reveal the contents of the rest of this list.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:48, Reply)

Actually, that's all that's on the list.

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 May 2011, 19:56, Reply)

Sweet, I'm number one!
*dances*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 5 May 2011, 20:00, Reply)

she burns the list after each new addition in the hope
that by this ritual she will burn the knowledge from her mind
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 May 2011, 20:01, Reply)

stop telling everyone about my rituals!
you're so not allowed in the cool kids clubhouse anymore.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 May 2011, 20:02, Reply)

oh man
I always spend my time hanging out in there
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 May 2011, 20:06, Reply)

Anyone afraid of heights?
ljplus.ru/img4/e/x/extel9/110505_022.jpg
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 May 2011, 20:06, Reply)

christ
he's flexible.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 5 May 2011, 20:16, Reply)

it gives me The Fear

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 May 2011, 20:22, Reply)