Oh man I would love to represent the UK in eurovision.
I already have my outfit planned out. I'd have a union flag dress with a cheeky full english breakfast print on the back but made out of sequins and pork pies for ear rings and a bowler hat and I'd have a cigar so I looked like Churchill.
I haven't got as far as planning a song yet though.
( wanderlust, Sat 14 May 2011, 21:47, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

You'd be like that ginger one from the spice girls.
Only with HP Sauce.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 14 May 2011, 21:48, Reply)

Less ginger, more bacon.

( wanderlust, Sat 14 May 2011, 21:51, Reply)

I'm sure Monty could write something based around a Jimmy Hendrix song.

( girlinthehole, Sat 14 May 2011, 21:48, Reply)

It would have to be about how delicious sausages are.
Or a good cheese board, everyone loves a good cheese board.
( wanderlust, Sat 14 May 2011, 21:51, Reply)

I fear I may have gone a bit too far in my suggestion.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 14 May 2011, 21:52, Reply)

nah.

( wanderlust, Sat 14 May 2011, 21:53, Reply)

All along the cheeseboard?

( girlinthehole, Sat 14 May 2011, 21:52, Reply)

There must be someway to get more bacon here
Said the friend eggs to the toast.
( wanderlust, Sat 14 May 2011, 21:53, Reply)

lol

( girlinthehole, Sat 14 May 2011, 21:54, Reply)

A song about cheese.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=92ZjXtEB84I
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 14 May 2011, 21:54, Reply)

I need sleep, I found that far funnier than I usually would.

( wanderlust, Sat 14 May 2011, 21:57, Reply)

I found their Supergrass cover 'feel like shite' more amusing than I thought it would be.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 14 May 2011, 21:58, Reply)

I loved the Shirehorses.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 14 May 2011, 22:02, Reply)

Enjoy
www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrhPT5sJLy0&feature=related
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 14 May 2011, 22:06, Reply)

Hendrix did the song 'You leave me floating'
Maybe Monty could rewrite it from the point of view of the cleaners in the cafe that makes Lusty's full-english breakfast.

'You leave me floaters' is a surefire hit.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 14 May 2011, 21:51, Reply)

LTI

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 14 May 2011, 21:57, Reply)

Don't bother.
He always comes back.
( girlinthehole, Sat 14 May 2011, 21:58, Reply)

He's the Michael Myers of b3ta.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 14 May 2011, 21:59, Reply)

I'd still prefer that to the Michael McIntyre of b3ta

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 14 May 2011, 22:00, Reply)

Mindpiss.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 14 May 2011, 22:00, Reply)

Rather that than the McIntyre

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 14 May 2011, 22:00, Reply)

One day I won't Blousie.
What will you do then, eh? (Bar take another internet husband within 24 hours).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 14 May 2011, 21:59, Reply)

I have one lined up actually.

( girlinthehole, Sat 14 May 2011, 22:03, Reply)

Christ.
My online marriage has gone the same was as my real one.

*Adds the Samaritans to speed-dial*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 14 May 2011, 22:07, Reply)

"Hello, Samaritans".
"My internet wife has a replacement pixelated husband lined up. I think I'm going to kill myself".

"Have a shit. I always feel better after a good shit".
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 14 May 2011, 22:09, Reply)

I'm nothing if not organised.
I always get a new one before the old one runs out.
( girlinthehole, Sat 14 May 2011, 22:10, Reply)

Thanks DG
Although I feel you should add... 'Divv'nt worry bonny lad, gann down the pub and smuke some tabs'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 14 May 2011, 22:10, Reply)

I feel I should point at at this juncture
that I've only had four tabs today.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 14 May 2011, 22:16, Reply)

Have you got a note from a suitable adult with your excuse for such a piss-poor show?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 14 May 2011, 22:17, Reply)

No, just started smoking rollies.
The act of making one means that I have to really really want one to justify the effort.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 14 May 2011, 22:19, Reply)

What baccy are you using?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 14 May 2011, 22:19, Reply)

Amber leaf.
It's alright.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 14 May 2011, 22:20, Reply)

I've got a lot of rollie smoking friends.
Paper weight and brand vary massively. The popular view seems to be Cutters Choice, Green papers and those little filter make the best smurks.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 14 May 2011, 22:22, Reply)

I'm hoping that the money we both save by converting
will be a revelation.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 14 May 2011, 22:24, Reply)

I smoked baccy for a while.
I was, many years ago a 20-a-day Marly light smoker, moved to baccy and found that 12.5g lasted my about 3 days.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 14 May 2011, 22:25, Reply)

We're sharing a 50g pack a week.
That's about £13, compared with £7 a day each, more or less. Fucking ridiculous.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 14 May 2011, 22:27, Reply)

From my experience of baccy smoking.
You'd be better off buying 'little and often' as it stays fresher.

Failing that, I know someone who puts a little bit of apple in his pouch of baccy to stop it from going dry. (Although he was also someone who insisted on having a 'lucky' tab when when he smoked proper tabs, but turning one of them round the wrong way. So I've not idea if it works or not).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 14 May 2011, 22:29, Reply)

Has anyone advocated teh sterling qualities of a good Yakult yet?
I understand that's quite the thing...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 14 May 2011, 22:18, Reply)

That drink resulted in me being asked to leave that Internet.
EDIT: b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1083371#post1083376
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 14 May 2011, 22:19, Reply)

most things do...

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 14 May 2011, 22:21, Reply)

I'd totally move to another European country just to vote for this shit.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sat 14 May 2011, 23:44, Reply)