I just told the Freemasons to go do one.
I told them gracefully a few weeks ago that I want to quit, so they've just told me that I need to pay for a year's subscription in the next week (£200) or I'll have to pay £400 for another year. I've had two meals that are on par with primary school dinners at best (seriously, unedable), been to 2 meetings and paid around £400 so far.

Brotherly Love and Charity? What a load of bullshit. They have a worst buisnes practice than LA Fitness.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:23, 134 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Are you allowed to tell us their secrets now?
Or will they be sending shady characters to murder you in your sleep?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:25, Reply)

They'll cast their spells on you now though :(

(PsychoChomp, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:25, Reply)

there's a mysterious mason door in exeter
unfortunately street view doesn't go there.

big black door behind bars, with masonic symbols either side.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:29, Reply)

Ha! You are a mason if you have seen the OTHER side

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:30, Reply)

I liked it when Shakin Stevens sang about that
cleverly changing the colour so he didn't get kneecapped
( broadsword, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:33, Reply)

He's no fool, is young Shaky.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:55, Reply)

some of them came to my grandfather's funeral
my dad fucking hates them. If I knew the full story I'd regale it to you, but it was something to do with them not helping out someone when they should've done or something.

Interesting eh?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:27, Reply)

*hangs on every word*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:28, Reply)

This is EXPLOSIVE STUFF*


*as in 'explosive diarrhoea'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:33, Reply)

it is catastrophically shit

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:34, Reply)

Beautiful turn of phrase.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:44, Reply)

I enjoyed writing it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:55, Reply)

Yeah', that's how they got me, one turned up at my dad's funerial.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:49, Reply)

I liked it when they sung Watchin'

( broadsword, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:27, Reply)

I liked it better when he solved all those cases just as they went to trial

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:28, Reply)

Gonz, at a meeting

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:28, Reply)

Haha!
I was thinking EXACTLY that too

Who did make Steve Guttenburg a star?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:28, Reply)

Not me that's for sure

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:31, Reply)

Who controls the British crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do! We do!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:32, Reply)

Who fixes every Oscar night?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:32, Reply)

Who holds back the electric car?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:39, Reply)

The fundamental difficulties in the new infostructure to support large scale electrified personal transport

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:43, Reply)

and the issues with range and recharging times

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:55, Reply)

Mostly this
since the "infostructure" will be roads and plug sockets.
( Kroney, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:57, Reply)

not so much.
I often can't park that near my house, I wouldn't want to run a cable out of my door or window and down the street. Particularly when it takes all night to charge.

For the cars as they are now to work you'd need regular charging points everywhere along residential streets, public car parks etc.

but aside from that, until you can drive 600 miles, charge up in a few minutes and then drive the same again etc. I'll stick with my diesel car thanks.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:00, Reply)

I see them being mostly used
by companies as pool cars for short range stuff, myself.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:01, Reply)

yeah.
won't work for anything else.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:03, Reply)

There's a company up here that's already bought a fleet of Nissan Leaf's for this purpose.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:04, Reply)

benders

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:05, Reply)

What I really dislike about electric cars
is the gay-arse names they're given. Leaf? FFS.
( Kroney, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:06, Reply)

I noes rite?
The Stealthy Car of Death would be a much better name.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:07, Reply)

It just means that I equate electric cars with vegetarians and hippies.
Therefore petrol is meat and I fucking love meat.
( Kroney, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:08, Reply)

That is true.
I can't see electricity taking off as a serious alternative. The range limits it to city driving where, as you say, most people can't park near their houses.

The simple fact is that people won't change until they don't have to change their lifestyle to embrace it.

And people like me won't change because we fucking love petrol.
( Kroney, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:02, Reply)

exactly

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:03, Reply)

Not at the current prices we fucking don't.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:03, Reply)

I do
although now it is unrequited as petrol's clearly fallen out of love with me and is just using me for my wallet :(
( Kroney, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:05, Reply)

And to think I complained when it got to a quid a litre.
I didn't know I was fucking well off.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:06, Reply)

A pound a litre would save me
over £60 a month.
( Kroney, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:08, Reply)

My car would cost about £38 to fill up when I bought it last year.
Now it's £47. The good thing about not working come the end of the month is I'll save a fair bit on petrol since I won't have to travel to stupid out of the way places for meetings. Or work.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:10, Reply)

Mine cost just under £45 to fill up when I got it.
now it's well over £60 and it even touched £70 a few weeks back.

Fucking outrageous.
( Kroney, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:12, Reply)

Thieving gypsy bastards.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:13, Reply)

How did membership ally with your religious beliefs Rabbi?
They are a robbing bunch. I lived in the Royal Masonic Hospital Nurses Home when I was a young 'un, woe betide late payment of rent.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:31, Reply)

They are secular.
Being a businessmen's networking/blackslapping club I should imagine there a quite a few Hebrews in the ranks. And more than a few Asians too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:37, Reply)

Really?
I thought alot of the symbology related back to the Constatine period and was pseudo-Christian in nature?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:40, Reply)

They make a big deal about being secular -
and then shit on about God a lot. Seems incredible but they may be talking bollocks.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:43, Reply)

I'll have a tenner on your theory.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:45, Reply)

I thought it was gnostic stuff

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:02, Reply)

They're nowt to do with religion or politics.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:48, Reply)

Their HQ is one of the most vulgar pieces of design EVER.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:35, Reply)

Are they based in the MI5 building?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:35, Reply)

I'm guessing that is MI5
Could be a cunning double bluff though
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:36, Reply)

Where is it?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:35, Reply)

I am not at liberty to tell you *makes arcane hand gesture*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:37, Reply)

Holborn.
Freemason's Hall innit.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:38, Reply)

Yes. I was being a dick for comedic purposes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:42, Reply)

STRIKETHROUGH

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:43, Reply)

Sorry.
Staggered past it on Friday so was quite pleased I knew!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:44, Reply)

I've seen the central chamber or room on TV.
It is certainly quite busy with symbology.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:36, Reply)

And grotesque marble monstrosities everywhere.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:38, Reply)

The building of my local lodge is fucking amazing, it goes on and on and on forever.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:01, Reply)

Fuck that, just cancel the direct debit and instruct your bank not to accept any dd requests from them.

( Kroney, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:35, Reply)

This^
Except all the banks are in their power maaaaaan!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:36, Reply)

I thought the Jews controlled all the banks?
Gonz should be houses.
( Kroney, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:39, Reply)

Then do a shit ,place it in the freezer and send it to them on a hot day

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:36, Reply)

them on a hot day me for my personal pleasure
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:37, Reply)

fail
edit: it was a fail. I saw it. loser
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:37, Reply)

Nothing to see here

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:38, Reply)

I didn't realise that was your bag.

( Kroney, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:38, Reply)

Why? Were you gointg to take a dump in it you dirty bugger?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:40, Reply)

Well it rather looks like he's asking me to and then send it to him
doesn't it? I don't think sportscow thought his post through.
( Kroney, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:41, Reply)

It's not Kroney's fault that Sporto's YET ANOTHER poo-freak.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:46, Reply)

he likes a pat on the head I heard

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:48, Reply)

Not content with noncing up his lovely missus's teenage daughter - now this.
I'm shocked, disappointed, and more than a little disgusted, if I'm honest.

He comes across as a very plausible 'nice guy' in real life. Just goes to show, you never can tell.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:48, Reply)

I love this

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:49, Reply)

That's what he says, as he writhes around on plastic sheeting in his garage,
dressed in his missus' underwear, and rubbing freshly laid turds into his hair.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:51, Reply)

I just sicked in my mouth.

( Kroney, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:53, Reply)

Post it to Sporto, the sick cunt will probably pay you for it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:54, Reply)

There isn't and DDs there or anything like that, I don't think I've even agreed to anything aside one-offs.
=(((
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:47, Reply)

So how do they take money off you?

( Kroney, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:48, Reply)

Well, the first time, I just paid, 'cus it was all new and exciting.
then nothing until I tell them I wanna respectfully leave.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:50, Reply)

Sounds like a winner, Gonz
You don't have to do anything. Don't pay them and don't go back, what exactly are they going to do about it?
( Kroney, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:51, Reply)

No signature.
No pay.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:56, Reply)

They'll get me banned from the NHS or something.
=(
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:01, Reply)

then you can blow the whistle on them.
find a tabloid editor who isn't in their pocket and they'd love a story like that.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:02, Reply)

No they can't.

( Kroney, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:03, Reply)

No offence Gonz
Even if they were as powerful as people say, i doubt they would bother flexing too many muscles to destroy you.

After all they could just send you some gluten.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:04, Reply)

I'm only messing, they're a bunch of old men, retired taxi drivers who just want to get away from the wives and play a bit of LARPing

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:15, Reply)

Send them a letter that simply piss off or you'll tell everyone that they nonced you right up

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:48, Reply)

Tell them that Tom Cruise onside or not - you're leaving their crazy cult FOR EVER,
and you don't care WHAT Old Mother Hubbard or whoever the fuck started it has to say about it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:50, Reply)

Freemasons??
Blimey... bunch of scrounging gits if ever there were. Good luck with that one.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:51, Reply)

If indeed you are weightedcompanioncube

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:55, Reply)

what's the scoop?
do we still think this is a sockpuppet?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:56, Reply)

If indeed this is a sockpuppet

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 16:58, Reply)

do we know who this is yet?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:01, Reply)

no
I'm leaning towards thinking it's a real newbie, but nothing conclusive either way has been presented.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:02, Reply)

What should be presented- a basket of fruit, perhaps?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:03, Reply)

You couldn't present a cat

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:03, Reply)

we also accept cake

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:04, Reply)

How would you cut the cake? If indeed it was cake?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:05, Reply)

REESE!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:06, Reply)

I'd just eat the damn cake
I had 2 cakes today - they were DELICIOUS and I think there should be more of this kind of thing
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:06, Reply)

Yes
But there is a possibility that the cake might be a lie.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:07, Reply)

If I knew then I'd tell you.
I seem to recall you saying that you don't have a facebook account so no help there. In fact, that seems slightly suspicious.

Usually it's only luddites like Monty who don't have them in this day and age.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:05, Reply)

I'm no Luddite.
I just don't like Facebook. I like to actually talk to people.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:06, Reply)

yet you're on here
soon the life will drain from you and you'll be on myfacebebo
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:08, Reply)

Fat chance of that.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:10, Reply)

that's what you think

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:13, Reply)

I do.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:15, Reply)

you would say that

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:20, Reply)

Get a room you two.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:20, Reply)

Oi!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:28, Reply)

Certainly not in that sense!
I can assure you Madame, I am not the marrying kind.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:25, Reply)

curses!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:26, Reply)

Besides that, I think you'll find yourself immune to my charms.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:28, Reply)

I
knew I had a super power
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:29, Reply)

funnily enough
starting a facebook account doesn't mean you can't still talk to people!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:09, Reply)

True, but I'm allowed my opinions.
Even if they may be wrong, or irrational. I just don't like it.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:10, Reply)

Wrong and irrational eh?
Well we know it's definately a girl
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:11, Reply)

Not a girl.
I suspect life would be more fun if I were.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:11, Reply)

That's just what a girl would say
chompy was a girl on here for years
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:12, Reply)

Hormone therapy can take a while.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:14, Reply)

FUCK YEAH!! SMASH THE SPINNING JENNIES!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:06, Reply)

a used condom covered in your sisters bum juice.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:07, Reply)

your my
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:11, Reply)

Oi leave bobby alone, it's not his fault being so stupid

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:39, Reply)

UR Rolf Harris AI....

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:06, Reply)

Is he dead?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:07, Reply)

No.
Are you? If not, why not?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:14, Reply)

because you've failed over and over again

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:16, Reply)

I really must stop using Kwik Save assassins.
They are clearly a false economy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:23, Reply)

You can easily get past the Kwik Save assassins by going home via a different supermarket.
Well, it is the Safeway.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:24, Reply)

That pun truly was Tesco Value.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:25, Reply)

There asda be a better solution

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:28, Reply)

*applauds*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 17:35, Reply)