So everyone gets one wish
in this pretend scenario.

Wishing for more wishes makes you out to be a douche.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:21, 71 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I want Jeff Bridges to fall in love with me.

( girlinthehole, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:26, Reply)

If not Jeff then anyone else will do.

( girlinthehole, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:28, Reply)

oh
I was going to do a thing where I continued the scenario with their wish turning out to destroy them or the world. I can't bring myself to do it, now
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:29, Reply)

Mine and Jeffs love would save the world.

( girlinthehole, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:30, Reply)

Save your love, my darling. Save your love.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:31, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:31, Reply)

but destroy the both of you?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:32, Reply)

We'd spontaniously combust through too much emotion.

( girlinthehole, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:33, Reply)

awww

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:35, Reply)

I wish to be an all powerful sorcerer

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:41, Reply)

you wish as hard as you can
magic crackles around you and you feel the power flowing through you.

The next few days are spent using your powers to make the world around you better.

After a week or so the power goes to your head, another car cuts you up - you curse them for all eternity to be trapped in a tree. Someone with a pram walks too slowly down the road and you turn their child into a squid.

A month later you have become a terrible blight upon the land, an evil dictator whose hatred brings misery to millions and who is loved by no one
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:46, Reply)

Brilliant. I also fix it so arsenal win the champions league ten years in a row

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:31, Reply)

I'd wish for a billion quid.
Easy.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:44, Reply)

you get a billion quid
in cash

it squashes you flat
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:48, Reply)

If I was being smart, Infinite wishes.
Otherwise, a Euromillions jackpot win would be amazing.
(888777555, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:46, Reply)

smart a douche

see above
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:47, Reply)

Was that a Ninja?

(888777555, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:48, Reply)

nope, it was always there

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:48, Reply)

Apologies for the inadequate skim read.

(888777555, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:49, Reply)

Apart from the money, the power to control the minds of all politicians and voters around the world.
to bring World peace, an end to dictatorships, and a massive electoral landslide.
(888777555, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:52, Reply)

I don't think I need to write
the terrible consequences of this :)
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:53, Reply)

I wouldn't use it often.

(888777555, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:55, Reply)

Err, wouldn't the 'power to control the minds of all politicians' make you by default a dictator?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:57, Reply)

Jinx.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:58, Reply)

*hopes someone will say 'Jeff' so I can talk again*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:59, Reply)

hell no
you called me a douche
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:01, Reply)

*mumbles*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:04, Reply)

OK, fine
JEFF
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:12, Reply)

Woo Hoo!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:12, Reply)

I'm a generous sort.
Bringing world peace, justice and freedom wouldn't exactly be bad. That's all I'd use it for. Everything else would be democratically done.
(888777555, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:59, Reply)

in elections which you wished
to fall your own way
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:01, Reply)

I wouldn't actually rig any elections anywhere else apart from the England and Wales.
Even the It would only be the occasional general election, and only by a few seats or so.
Scotland and Northern Ireland can go do their own thing.
(888777555, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:04, Reply)

oh, well that's OK then

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:07, Reply)

Surely that makes you a dictator?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:57, Reply)

What if wishes were horses?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:49, Reply)

Beggers would ride.

( girlinthehole, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:50, Reply)

If turnips were watches

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:51, Reply)

You'd be able to tell the time and have a tasty snack.

( girlinthehole, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:54, Reply)

turnips aren't that tasty.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:56, Reply)

Tell that to Baldrick.

( girlinthehole, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:58, Reply)

you'd have a shit load of horses
and spend your whole life mucking out
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:51, Reply)

But surely having a shit load of horses would imply I've got shit loads of wishes.
Seeing that wishing for more wishes would have made me a douche, I hereby annouce that you, Captain. Are indeed a douche.

Awaits 'oh, but I've got a cold' excuses to start
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:53, Reply)

I'm not sure how I became a douche in this scenario
I think I may have called you a douche by implying you wanted lots of horses/wishes
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:54, Reply)

You've become the douche 'cos I say so.
Is that good enough?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:55, Reply)

oh :(

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:58, Reply)

I wish depression would fuck off.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:54, Reply)

Innit.
*extra squidgy boob hugs*
( girlinthehole, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:55, Reply)

Wait, I want to change it.
I wish for breasts for everyone!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:56, Reply)

*looks down*
*wishes Noel had been more specific*
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:03, Reply)

suddenly everyone gets boobs!
the price of bras sky rockets and suddenly marks and spencer's is a major player in world politics.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:07, Reply)

I like this.

( girlinthehole, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:07, Reply)

Bad times.
*Offers a nice cuppa and a slice of cake*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 17:55, Reply)

oh :(
...another one I can't really make a negative story from...something about art ceasing to exist (from skim reading something about depression/bi-polar stuff being related to creativity)...bollox, I'm just gonna say that one happens
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:00, Reply)

I would wish for the following scenario:
A waxed Fiona Bruce, me, a bottle of baby oil, a load of ecstasy and a four poster bed.

And not a wink of sleep.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:07, Reply)

Wouldn't being with Fiona be ecstasy enough?

( girlinthehole, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:08, Reply)

what?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:09, Reply)

nearly but not quite.
Hence the baby oil.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:10, Reply)

Fiona Bruce lies on the 4 poster bed
completely hairless, but also skinless from the overly-enthusiastic waxing. Her body writhes in pain and it is only through the use of illegal drugs that she can continue on with life. In walks plumdozer, intend on a night of passion with his lady love. He carries a bottle of baby oil which, upon seeing her ruined form, he drops to the floor where it smashes. He tries to run to her, to comfort her in her hour of need, but slips on the oil, cracking his head on the four poster bed and slowly bleeds to death, never having touched the love of his life
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:11, Reply)

that's good enough for me.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:15, Reply)

I wish the jinx that Noel put on me would be lifted.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:11, Reply)

The jinx gets lifted
but Jeff can now talk again and puns so hard his spleen falls out
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:12, Reply)

I wish for freefair to live forever in the company of an armed,
Rabid, sexually charged John Prescott. Prescott must be immensely strong and a penchant for Sadomasochism.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:33, Reply)

one wish, bobby
you should have considered your choice, better
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:36, Reply)

That will do for me

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:37, Reply)

so how's life as a world dictator?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:41, Reply)

Make it Eric Pickles and its a deal.

(888777555, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 19:06, Reply)

well, now we know something new about you
a penchant for being sexually dominated by lardy MPs
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 19:32, Reply)

What would you wish for Captain?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:45, Reply)

hard to say, things always seem like they go wrong
HOw about I wish for an instant point to point transporter
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:51, Reply)

And you wish has been granted.
www.pointtopoint.co.uk/

Further proof that wishes are horses.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:54, Reply)

damn, I hoped they were Tardis's

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 10 Jul 2011, 18:57, Reply)