I have written a fuck ton. But I've given up on a lot of it because it felt like it was forced.
I haven't touched my major project in about 3 years, because I fail miserably at grammar, and at the time I was horrible at spelling. Plus I don't really know the technical bits of writing, so even if I like the story, I feel like it's shit because of that.

I once submitted a story to literotica, they turned me down because of these technical failings. Boo.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:13, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'll bet you touch your 'major project' every night, you little minx.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:15, Reply)

THIS IS SRZ BZNSS MONTEE
I'll even LINK you to my first two paragraphs so you can see how shit it is
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1282540
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:20, Reply)

It's clearly not aimed at me, but I don't think that's at all bad.
A bit of minor grammatical tidying and you have something, there.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:23, Reply)

Yours would be
She bent over the table to reach the kettle, her bosoms rubbed lightly against his arm as she asked "Will there be anything else, master?"
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:27, Reply)

*boinggggg*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:30, Reply)

'Nigella smiled sweetly.'

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:37, Reply)

I think I blushed when I read this

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:39, Reply)

I think it is good!
I like the style of the short sentences
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:24, Reply)

Only because you can't afford long sentences 'up north'.
When I was young my parents had a sentence that was 500 pages long - we gave it to the butler, in the end. The funny little chap was quite, quite moved when we threw it to him.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:26, Reply)

We were so poor
we had to buy words by the syllable.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:27, Reply)

I bet the "butler" gave it to you often enough
Your barking spider looks more like a geriatric windsock
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)

+t

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:37, Reply)

haha!
"Will there be anything else sir?"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:38, Reply)

Thank you! I wrote it when I was drunk.

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:33, Reply)

Is it about angry sex?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:26, Reply)

no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
not there at least
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:31, Reply)

OK.
Whenever I see the words teeth and blood in close proximity....
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:32, Reply)

vampire, etc

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:33, Reply)

"touched my major project"
good start for literotica.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:16, Reply)

Yeah in your own time 'lightning boy'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:18, Reply)

What?
Don't fucking start.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:19, Reply)

Why, because you're SO FUCKING SLOW if I do start I'll have ten minutes' grace before you repsond?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:20, Reply)

I was in the disabled toilet having
a wank. OK?!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:21, Reply)

Don't have a fucking domestic you two.

( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:22, Reply)

Oi, who asked you?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:23, Reply)

YEAH.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:23, Reply)

HE STARTED IT, MISS.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:23, Reply)

Leave it mate. She ain't facking wurf it.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:24, Reply)

*unzips Montys and SYFTS's pants*
*bangs heads together*
( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:25, Reply)

ouch

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:30, Reply)

Have you seen the size of his head?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:30, Reply)

it's like Sputnik!
round and strangely pointy in places
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:36, Reply)

You just need someone to proof read it for you and amend the errors.

( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:17, Reply)

I offered to, but was SNUBBED.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:18, Reply)

oh wot :/

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:20, Reply)

I still cry to myself at night about that.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:22, Reply)

If I rejected it's probably because I was too embarrassed to have you, literary genius, look at it.
It's really quite shit.
I even linked you up there!
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:23, Reply)

hey monty
I just learned that my mate's ex is friends with Jim Jones. Interesting eh?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:28, Reply)

He lives up the road from me in Dalston.
I wuv him


Actually that is interesting. If I met him I think I'd scare him - he'd think 'Christ it's that fucking hippy that followed me around in the 80s'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:33, Reply)

hahaha
I've been listening to a load of Wolf People recently (they are playing nearby at a sold out festival, as is Jim Jones). I reckon it'd be more up your street than Black Mountain, who I assume you haven't yet listened to.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:35, Reply)

^This^
Wolf People are v good. I saw them at Moseley Folk Festival a couple of years back. Also the first British band to sign to Jagjaguwar, fact fans*
*I think
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:40, Reply)

I heard them a few weeks back on last.fm
they are great. exactly the sort of stuff I'm in to
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:43, Reply)

I can heartily recommend their album

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:44, Reply)

I suspect my mate will get it for me for my birthday

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:47, Reply)