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This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Has anyone tried their hands at some creative writing?
I reckon some here would have quite a knack for it.
(I helped save b3ta! dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 11:23, 224 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
are you saying we're all a bunch of liars and fantasists?

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 11:28, Reply)
Nope
just saying should the need arise you's all have crazy potential.
(I helped save b3ta! dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 11:31, Reply)
She's available I believe

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 11:32, Reply)
Chickenlady is published, as are a couple of others, I'm certain.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 11:30, Reply)
I write 2/5th of all letters in Razzle.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 11:34, Reply)
Just the last paragraph of each one, right?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:01, Reply)
"...Still shagged 'er though, she loved it... slag"

(PsychoChomp, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:04, Reply)
QOTW entries are the extent of my efforts
"effort" being the main reason why I've not branched out further.

That and "quality".
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 11:39, Reply)
Quality does not lack
Your top answer is quite funny.
(I helped save b3ta! dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 11:43, Reply)
That's dashed decent of you, old bean
It's a complete and total fabrication, sadly. I feel slightly dirty publishing outright lies.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 11:44, Reply)
It's a complete and total fabrication alright.
Your top answer is in no way whatsoever 'quite funny'.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:09, Reply)

Har
(I helped save b3ta! dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:21, Reply)
Criticism from Monty! Online!
However will I live with this slur? Or the abject, unexpected surprise attached?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:24, Reply)
I used to
I haven't in a bit though
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 11:41, Reply)
I used to write
I got a story published on a website even. Don't really have the time any more, though. Plus I don't drink as heavily.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 11:42, Reply)
I wrote a story while avoiding writing my thesis
and drinking rum.

It became part of my final exhibition :/
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 11:43, Reply)
I'm fucking great with words, me.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 11:56, Reply)
Verbose.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 11:59, Reply)
Verboten.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:01, Reply)
Loquacious.

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:01, Reply)
He loquaces alright.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)
now I want liquorice laces.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:04, Reply)
I was looking for validation ONLINE
Instead I get called a verbal diarrhoea merchant and then we deviate into your lolfatty sweet cravings.

YEAH THANKS A LOT GUYS, YEAH?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:06, Reply)
*validates*
*violates*
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:07, Reply)
Master Bates

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:09, Reply)
Seaman Stains

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:11, Reply)
Roger the starfish, err, cabin boy

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:11, Reply)
I used to write a lot
not only books, but compose music too. I was offered to record a CD and to publish one of the books too, but I'm too shy.

Then, I started proper work and proper life, and didn't have time for more writting. Maybe during the maternity leave I can go back to it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 11:58, Reply)
Haha
I'm guessing this is your first then?
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)
Yes
I'm guessing you have some experience about it, then?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:40, Reply)
A five year old son
And I've not written a thing since he was born.
As for his mother - she barely washed and dressed while she was on maternity leave.
Still it didn't put us off - next one is due in December.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:44, Reply)
You're very brave!
I'm hoping I can manage, but I fear everything will be out of control just a couple of hours after s/he arrives.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:45, Reply)
You will be fine
It gets easier, trust me.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:48, Reply)
Good
I have too many things to worry about now, don't want to think about crying babies.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:49, Reply)
This question is a significant kick up the arse for me
as I am actually supposed to be working on a project at the moment. And abjectly failing to do any writing at all.
On the plus side, I did unearth the workbook with all my notes and scribblings the other day. This counts as progress in my world.

The best thing I have ever written is an epic poem, written in quatrains. It's a fairy tale story about a prince whose princess gets stolen by a bad guy, and his quest to go and rescue her. It was fucking amazing. I started a sequal too, but I got 3/4 of the way through and stopped.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)
OK I'll ask.
Can we see it?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:04, Reply)
That would rather be dependent on my being able to find it.
It's on a disc somewhere. *rummages*
*gives up*
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:05, Reply)
I've made the most beautiful 72 foot statue ever,
it's amazing, but I've misplaced it.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:09, Reply)
It's hand made from diamond.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:10, Reply)
And it can be driven like the Statue of Liberty in Ghostbusters 2.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:11, Reply)
I did this with Nelsons Column in 1982

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)
I've got a photo of me and my dad Bruce Lee beating up Jackie Chan somewhere.
*rummages*

*gives up*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:15, Reply)
Well, fuck yous all!
The disc it's on has gone missing somewhere. I was looking for it a while ago because of something else on it, and I seem to remember seeing it in the wrong jewel case, but now I can't remember which one, and none of you care about this information, do you?

*gives up again*
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)
you burnt it onto a cd but didn't store it locally?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:22, Reply)
I wrote it fifteen years and four computers ago!

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:30, Reply)
I had some old porn of me and the ex-wife
on CD but accidentally left copies of it in the cafes and bars close to where she works.

A valuable lesson learned there.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:31, Reply)
I printed my stuff
and then missplaced it. I think my mother has probably thrown it away by now.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:42, Reply)
John Diamond, the face-cancer-death first husband of Nigella Lawson?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:17, Reply)
He got to sauce her up before she got MASSIVE!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:24, Reply)
Hammering away at her, with his rotten jaw flapping like a melting Nazi in Indiana Jones.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:51, Reply)
*unzips*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:08, Reply)
So we all
used to write a lot, were very good and aren't doing it any longer. That answers the question.

We need another question now.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:11, Reply)
that's a bit depressing

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:13, Reply)
The truth frequently is

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:13, Reply)
*sigh*
it's going to be one of those days.

OK, new question:

what did you used to be good at but are now too tired washed up to do?
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)
Use the word 'and'.
Much like you.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:16, Reply)
whatevs!

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:17, Reply)
OMG Cavy!
I totally found the best present ever for you!
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:41, Reply)
hahahha!
*crochets man*
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:42, Reply)
Oh man I wish I could knit.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:43, Reply)
That's cruel
but really funny. I'm thinking to whom I can give it this Christmas.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:43, Reply)
DF

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:50, Reply)
His missus, more like

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:51, Reply)
Darth's Mum.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)
Writting.

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:37, Reply)
And inaccurate.

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)
I'm going to be gutted when you turn out to
be Richard Morgan or something
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:16, Reply)
You may have come across some of my ever popular discworld series

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:19, Reply)
I didn't never was and never will.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:24, Reply)
I don't not write anymore.
I don't draw anymore instead.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:30, Reply)
Oh brilliant.
Now I have Rose Royce in my head. I hope you're happy.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:32, Reply)
Yes I am.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:36, Reply)
You're happy?
That should go on the newsletter!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:39, Reply)
I know.
I hope it lasts.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:45, Reply)
I'm glad for you
I hope it lasts as well.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:46, Reply)
i'm doing a masters in creative writing "for fun"
not quite sure how i thought i could fit oxford in at the same time as a full-time job, but there you are.

unbelievably at our public reading, about 4 agents and 1 publisher insisted on giving me their cards and keep haranguing me to send the novel to them. which was surprising because you would describe that piece as a cross between bridget jones and jilly cooper. anyway, they can't have it, for the simple reason it's 800 words long. soooooo, only another 99,200 to write then...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:44, Reply)
How on earth do you fit that in your busy life?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:46, Reply)
i don't
this is why the deadline is early september and i have 28,000 words left to write :(
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:47, Reply)
I signed up with the Writers' Bureau about five years ago
I am currently still working on the first assignment.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:50, Reply)
Amphetamine sulphate.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:49, Reply)
That stuff just makes me want to clean a lot.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:51, Reply)
Makes me sniff alot.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:52, Reply)
*takes notes*
and where can I get some of this stuff?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:52, Reply)
that's some kerrrazy
drug experience right there
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:52, Reply)
That sounds fucking shit.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:55, Reply)
Well when I'm in a club I just dance a lot.
When I'm at home I clean a lot with some dancing inbetween.

This is all past tense btw.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:57, Reply)
My father had lunch with Jilly Cooper once.
MORE INCREDIBLE FACTS TO FOLLOW!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:48, Reply)
Your Dad Bruce Lee?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:50, Reply)
The same.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:51, Reply)
Did he wrub her wrongtime?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:52, Reply)
He showed her awww de hevvenwee gworwee.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:54, Reply)
*Oscar*

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:55, Reply)
I was stood next to Lawrence Dallaglio on the Waterloo and City line this morning.
THIS SUBTHREAD IS OFFICIALLY THE RICHEST IN FACTS TODAY.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:50, Reply)
I once pissed in the same toilet
that Prince Harry had just vacated.

I can confirm that cuffs match collar.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:52, Reply)
I played on the same stage as The Manics
just not at the same time. And I was in an orchestra.
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:53, Reply)
Did you entirely ignore the Manics as they left stage
to their slight confusion and raising a slight smile from their bodyguard?

No? Not the same thing, then.

/ultimateapathy
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:54, Reply)
it wasn't even on the same day

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:55, Reply)
what's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
i don't know and i don't care.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:59, Reply)
ignorance is about not knowing
not ignoring
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:02, Reply)
Yeah thanks for that Dr Johnson.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:05, Reply)
i can see his house from my window
/trivia
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:06, Reply)
Have you ever visited Leighton House?
That's near your home, I believe, and is beautiful.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:17, Reply)
no......
...... but i should do, i think!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:27, Reply)
*kicks monty*

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:07, Reply)
Are you making a joke or suggesting that I'm not using apathy correctly?
Because I can assure you that I am.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:02, Reply)
just because i don't care
doesn't mean i don't understand
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:03, Reply)
In your case, my lovely
I doubt it's true.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:04, Reply)
you should see my new corset bra
it's-

hello? kroney? come back, i only said the word "corset" ...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:06, Reply)
Having read your "drooling from both lips" comment below
I don't think I'll ever get horny ever again. Especially over you!

Edit: No, it's a subthread. The worst has got worse.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:07, Reply)
haha
i am v happy with myself right now.

although i did just txt ye.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:09, Reply)
You should be
it takes a lot to make my blood run cold.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:11, Reply)
no it doesn't
mr shallow. anyone who isn't a perfect size 10 blue eyed blonde comes in for criticism!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:13, Reply)
I'm not actually a fan of blondes.
Black hair, blue eyes and I mostly prefer a 12.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:13, Reply)
They are more grateful
than the nice looking slim birds.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:14, Reply)
Grateful and willing.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:18, Reply)
I prefer girls with a figure.
10s tend a little towards boyishness, I find.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:19, Reply)
Boys are like that too.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:21, Reply)
Which would be why I'm straight.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:21, Reply)
I concur
dark hair also ftw
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:22, Reply)
woo

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:28, Reply)
as far as I can remember
I've never even kissed a blonde
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)
i have

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)
well done

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:31, Reply)
12 is not slim?! :(
/bloats
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:20, Reply)
12 is fine. It's more to do with proportions than size.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:21, Reply)
maybe but if 12 is considered just about
ok, I might as well give up
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:22, Reply)
Don't listen to Kroney.
If I was a size 12 I'd be anorexic.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:24, Reply)
Precisely, it's all about proportions
A 12 is just a rough guide. Who's that plus size model? She's in all the Evans shop windows. She is very fit.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:27, Reply)
you don't need the filler here
just "don't listen to Kroney" is pretty good advice.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:28, Reply)
Plus I suspect there is a strong vein
of hopefulness in their answers
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:31, Reply)
what about a 32?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:23, Reply)
As long as she wasn't sweaty.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:28, Reply)
if she's a size 32
there's going to be a lot of sweat oozing around those crevices even if she's sitting still in a refrigerator
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)
OK, as long as there aren't pools of sweat
collecting on her.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:38, Reply)
and is 18 feet tall

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)
+ year old

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:15, Reply)
I went clubbing with their singer James once.
We went to Metalheadz in Hoxton Square.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:55, Reply)
I ignored the band James once.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:56, Reply)
you do a good line in snubbing

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:57, Reply)
I once snubbed Ann McCaffrey
and not even on purpose.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:59, Reply)
good work
her books are 2 dimensional and dull, yet I still want a dragon to ride. Damn her
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:03, Reply)
some of them are actually very good
the one where the people arrive on the planet from space for example
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:20, Reply)
Did they get up to play, only for you demand that they sit down?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:57, Reply)
They were at Guilfest a few years back.
They were in the backstage area and, like twats, had kicked their football over the fence. One of the faceless ones asked me to get it for them.

I ignored them.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:03, Reply)
Should have picked up their football and then said
"What fucking football, you little cunt?"
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:05, Reply)
I thought that if I'd acknowledged them
I'd be reinforcing their belief that they're worthy of notice.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:06, Reply)
I'd have punctured their ball.
Twatted the biggest one until he bled from his wee-wee.
And told the rest to "Get to fuck".
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:09, Reply)
I saw
Jordan in the airport once, she's tiny... Well, most of her is if ya know what I mean. Her Vag is HUGE.
(I helped save b3ta! dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:57, Reply)
I saw the Cheeky Girls in Malaga airport once.
AND I saw PAUL YOUNG at Heathrow!!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:59, Reply)
I saw Nigel Benn at Tenerife airport.
And that bloke off 4 Weddings and the Thin Blue Line lives near me and I saw him in the pub not two weeks ago. (Monty, 4 Weddings is "film")
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:01, Reply)
My best spot OF ALL TIME by a country mile
was, in London Fields - BARRY 'GEORGE' BULSARA!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:04, Reply)
Arnie Schwarzenegger
airport again, very short man.
(I helped save b3ta! dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:07, Reply)
I imagine he was trying to get his asss to Marsss.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:08, Reply)
GET TO DA CHOPPA!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:09, Reply)
I banged Sam Fox ages ago.
Before she was a lesbian like.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:11, Reply)
Hence why she became a lesbian?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:13, Reply)
Hey, whatever they want once I'm done!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:15, Reply)
*inarticulate yelling*

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:12, Reply)
^ 'FILM' REFERENCE ^

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:10, Reply)
What are the chances of that happening!???!! I mean!!!
Did you ask him if he had any E's?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:53, Reply)
Did you offer to go double dating with his sister?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:54, Reply)
i am sure one of my clients lives in the manor house she based rupert campbell-black's family house on
if i have to go on a site visit, i just stand on the terrace and drool from both sets of lips whilst picturing the haughty arrogant blue eyed love god stalking up from the ha-ha.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:57, Reply)
"drool from both sets of lips"
*shudders*
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:04, Reply)
could have been worse
at least my arse was nice and warm and dry
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:05, Reply)
Hahaha!
Small mercies, eh?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:06, Reply)
given the proximity of arse to minge
this is not always the case
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:07, Reply)
Only "The Road To Grimsby" inbetween
Smells of fish and leads to a shithole
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:10, Reply)
i like this
firstly because it's gross. secondly because my friend's dreadfully obnoxious husband is from grimsby and makes out like he is v v posh.

ha.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:11, Reply)
Oh dear that must take some effort on his part. It's a fucking hole*


*and spasticated 'goths' go there, making it even worse
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:14, Reply)
mummy and daddy's house has a tennis court and a swimming pool
apparently this makes him posh. despite the fact that said house/pool/court is located in a town which would be equivalent to a cardboard box in london...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:25, Reply)
With land at 50p a square mile the wankers could have a golf course in their garden and it would not impress.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:31, Reply)
Isn't it Whitby they go to?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:28, Reply)
Oh I don't know. I was just being rude about 'goths' and the north.
I think you're right actually.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)
Can I please have this? ^

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:12, Reply)
But of course

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:13, Reply)
You repulsive little man.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:14, Reply)
Please
Repulsive tall man
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:14, Reply)
I have written a fuck ton. But I've given up on a lot of it because it felt like it was forced.
I haven't touched my major project in about 3 years, because I fail miserably at grammar, and at the time I was horrible at spelling. Plus I don't really know the technical bits of writing, so even if I like the story, I feel like it's shit because of that.

I once submitted a story to literotica, they turned me down because of these technical failings. Boo.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:13, Reply)
I'll bet you touch your 'major project' every night, you little minx.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:15, Reply)
THIS IS SRZ BZNSS MONTEE
I'll even LINK you to my first two paragraphs so you can see how shit it is
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1282540
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:20, Reply)
It's clearly not aimed at me, but I don't think that's at all bad.
A bit of minor grammatical tidying and you have something, there.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:23, Reply)
Yours would be
She bent over the table to reach the kettle, her bosoms rubbed lightly against his arm as she asked "Will there be anything else, master?"
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:27, Reply)
*boinggggg*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:30, Reply)
'Nigella smiled sweetly.'

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:37, Reply)
I think I blushed when I read this

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:39, Reply)
I think it is good!
I like the style of the short sentences
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:24, Reply)
Only because you can't afford long sentences 'up north'.
When I was young my parents had a sentence that was 500 pages long - we gave it to the butler, in the end. The funny little chap was quite, quite moved when we threw it to him.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:26, Reply)
We were so poor
we had to buy words by the syllable.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:27, Reply)
I bet the "butler" gave it to you often enough
Your barking spider looks more like a geriatric windsock
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)
+t

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:37, Reply)
haha!
"Will there be anything else sir?"
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:38, Reply)
Thank you! I wrote it when I was drunk.

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:33, Reply)
Is it about angry sex?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:26, Reply)
no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
not there at least
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:31, Reply)
OK.
Whenever I see the words teeth and blood in close proximity....
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:32, Reply)
vampire, etc

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:33, Reply)
"touched my major project"
good start for literotica.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:16, Reply)
Yeah in your own time 'lightning boy'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:18, Reply)
What?
Don't fucking start.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:19, Reply)
Why, because you're SO FUCKING SLOW if I do start I'll have ten minutes' grace before you repsond?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:20, Reply)
I was in the disabled toilet having
a wank. OK?!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:21, Reply)
Don't have a fucking domestic you two.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:22, Reply)
Oi, who asked you?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:23, Reply)
YEAH.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:23, Reply)
HE STARTED IT, MISS.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:23, Reply)
Leave it mate. She ain't facking wurf it.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:24, Reply)
*unzips Montys and SYFTS's pants*
*bangs heads together*
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:25, Reply)
ouch

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:30, Reply)
Have you seen the size of his head?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:30, Reply)
it's like Sputnik!
round and strangely pointy in places
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:36, Reply)
You just need someone to proof read it for you and amend the errors.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:17, Reply)
I offered to, but was SNUBBED.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:18, Reply)
oh wot :/

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:20, Reply)
I still cry to myself at night about that.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:22, Reply)
If I rejected it's probably because I was too embarrassed to have you, literary genius, look at it.
It's really quite shit.
I even linked you up there!
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:23, Reply)
hey monty
I just learned that my mate's ex is friends with Jim Jones. Interesting eh?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:28, Reply)
He lives up the road from me in Dalston.
I wuv him


Actually that is interesting. If I met him I think I'd scare him - he'd think 'Christ it's that fucking hippy that followed me around in the 80s'
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:33, Reply)
hahaha
I've been listening to a load of Wolf People recently (they are playing nearby at a sold out festival, as is Jim Jones). I reckon it'd be more up your street than Black Mountain, who I assume you haven't yet listened to.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:35, Reply)
^This^
Wolf People are v good. I saw them at Moseley Folk Festival a couple of years back. Also the first British band to sign to Jagjaguwar, fact fans*
*I think
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:40, Reply)
I heard them a few weeks back on last.fm
they are great. exactly the sort of stuff I'm in to
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:43, Reply)
I can heartily recommend their album

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:44, Reply)
I suspect my mate will get it for me for my birthday

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:47, Reply)
Do you know what's really embarrassing?
Is digging through old email accounts and finding stuff you wrote years ago
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:36, Reply)
I use my work e-mail account
And because I have been here so long I have e-mails to two girlfriends and a wife!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:40, Reply)

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