Morning
Have you seen some of the dickheads posting in here?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:01, 79 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Yes I have,
there's lots of "you know what I reckon"
(PsychoChomp, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:02, Reply)

'What they should do, right, is...'
It's like being in a taxi that has 50 drivers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:06, Reply)

What I don't get is that we're all on the internet
most will have a little search bar in the top right of their browser and they still consider "well my mate said..." to be true, when it's bollocks.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)

It's a bit like consulting Wikipedia.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:16, Reply)

yeah...
but in othernews I finally understand reaction kinetics and the relationship between order of reactants and rate-laws. :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:08, Reply)

God. AT FUCKING LAST.
Really earning that 'distinctly average' award, aren't you? I think I was 3 when I understood reaction kinetics and the relationship between order of reactants and rate-laws. It's piss-easy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:11, Reply)

exactamundo!

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Yeah.
Quenders and viking impersonators.

Utter cunts.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:10, Reply)

And into which category does sir place himself?
Perhaps sir has a foot in each camp, so to speak?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Are you calling Gonzo camp?

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:13, Reply)

I'll call anyone I like anything I like. Alright?


PS that's not Gonz.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)

what?
I thought it was...?
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)

I thought the whole Gonz thing that I have been subjected to recently is a new 'comedy' meme.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Well change your name back to Plumdozer you fucking plum.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:17, Reply)

I didn't think P to the Dizzle would remotely resemble any of Gonz's noms des plumes.
Also, my accurate spelling, lack of Hollyoaks anecdotes, failure to exclaim OH OH BOY OH GOSH and tendency to discuss hip hop, sadcore and post rock would mark me out as distinctly ungonz.

Maybe I am barking up the wrong tree here.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Fucking HOLLYOAKS.
Thanks for making a shitty day even worse by mentioning that utter shite.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Needs more jellypeanoes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:29, Reply)

And some proper heavy metal like Bon Jovi and The Offspring.
If you'll excuse me, I'm off to listen to my Gabrielle tape, maybe some Will Smith.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)

The Comic Strip band "Bad News", had more claim to being a metal band.
*Cockrocks*
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Bon Jovi are no Sunn O))), that's fo sho.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Needs gassing like a fucking badger.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)

oh god no, I really thought you were him!
he changes his name so often. Sorry! (Still have no idea who you are.)
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:17, Reply)

nah
he just IS camp
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:13, Reply)

The former.
My feet are in shopping bags as I type.

And Swipeypoos, I am 100% not camp.

You knows it.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:15, Reply)

yeah
because calling me that is the mark of a raging testosterone fuelled beast.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:18, Reply)

I think that was the point dear..

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)

My 'beast' is not currently raging.
So how would one address you, if one felt that one had to 'prove' one's heterosexuality?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)

with a disdainful glower
and the application of the back of ones hand
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Sean Connery style.
Works for me.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)

"my dear, when I ashked you to shit on my fasch, thisch washn't what I had in mind!"

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)

The enemy's in shite.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Is this the grumpy thread?
Good.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)

what's wrong then misery guts?

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:18, Reply)

This one isn't gonz either.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Okay, I smiled at that one.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Oh internet validation, how you sustain me.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Hahaha that's superb

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Meh.
Ask Marvin, the Paranoid Android. He sums it up best.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:21, Reply)

I think alot of the posts have
been very wise and worthy of my time.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)

That's because you are mentally subnormal.
Did you go to work yesterday?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Yes. Unfortunately.
I was out with clients most of the day.

Felt OK in the morning but a bit depressed in the afternoon.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Saw your ugly face in the mirror at lunchtime, did you?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 11:01, Reply)

As I was smashing your Mum from behind.
She really appreciated though and there was no needing any biting or punching this week.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Hahahaha
Someone just applied to the uni from a forrin place and their name is Nazi Ölzcyn
( Peej, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:21, Reply)

You'd think the parents would notice.
No matter what language is spoken.

Looks Turkish to me.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Morning Monty!
I cooked something fantastic last night, although I've no idea what I'd call it.

Fried off some pork and chicken, left them to one side in their juices.
Cleaned the pan, then put it back on a low heat, put a large glug of oil in there, then put some chopped chorizo in there (fucking hell, that stuff isn't easy to slice).
Let the juices come out of that for a few minutes, before adding 2 onions and 2 peppers (red and orange), let them cook for a few minutes, before adding the meat back in.
I then added a tomato and chilli sauce, as well as a tin of tomatoes, and some sweetcorn. Let that cook for a while, then added some more salt and pepper, plus a bit of thyme, before slopping it all into the slow cooker.

Tried a little bit this morning, and it's fucking magnificent. Going to make some mash tonight, then stick it into some tubs, and topped with this pork thing, should hopefully make about 10 portions!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Why don't you call it "a stew"

(PsychoChomp, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Stick some white beans in it.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Seems weird to call it a stew without beef in it
And yes, I'm aware that's retarded.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)

I had a stew once.
It didn't have any meat in it.

ANECDOTE KING RIGHT HERE.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Once?
You, sir, live a rock and roll lifestyle.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)

One time in my student days
I'd been doing a load of ecstasy with my mates and drinking red wine. When the pills hit, they did what they normally do, and made me puke a bit. That's normal for stimulants, either puking or pooing, like the first coffee of the day normally makes me shit.

But I digress.

The pills hit and I came up, hard. I did a little vom on the pavement outside my mate's house. It was dark red. I was worried.

"I'm puking up blood!"

My fear-soaked cries were heard by my drugged up mates.

Some sniggering happened. They reminded me I'd been drinking red wine.

In the red-tinged, shiny sheened puddle, I could see a white semi circle. The last half pill I had so gleefully necked.

Shall I pick it up and neck it? The demon on my left and the angel on my right were deep in discussion. My shoulders creaked as they argued.

In the end, I didn't. But it did take about a week to dissolve to nothing in the cold Welsh rain.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:44, Reply)

I've picked them off the toilet floor before.
I try not to mix uppers and booze, too unpredictable/mad/pukey.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 4 Aug 2011, 11:01, Reply)

If you find chorizo hard to slice
Then your knives are in a shit state and you should be fucking ashamed!
( Peej, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)

I had no problem with anything else, it cuts through things with ease. (also enjoys taking chunks out of my finger)
This stuff was just extremely tough.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)

if it takes chunks out of your finger
Then your knives are in a shit state and you should be fucking ashamed!

A well maintained, quality knife should cut your finger clean off if you even touch it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)

A real set of kitchen knives is something you handle with palpable fear.
Mine can cut clean through the kitchen worktop.
( Kroney, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Mine are laser-guided and can bring down Russian spy satellites with ease.
I got them from my dad, Bruce Lee, who won them in an arm-wrestling contest with Geoff Capes.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:42, Reply)

I used mine to cut the head off a drug dealer.
But it's ok, the police said I was doing them a favour.
( Kroney, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:42, Reply)

That was their first mistake.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)

*length gag*

( Kroney, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:44, Reply)

....and then my dad cut off my hand and it turns out the Princess was my sister!!!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:46, Reply)

That's nothing, my mate was mucking about with a dildo, someone opened a door, which opened toward him as he was bending over.
The hilarious outcome was that he anally penetrated himself with a dildo in front of an appreciative crowd of perfectly normal, not made up, heterosexual males in awe of my alpha male status as master storyteller.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Oh I miss him!

( Peej, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)

I don't.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)

Sarcasm my dear fellow

( Peej, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 15:50, Reply)

Hahahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:54, Reply)

It's chunks because I'm usually pretty fast in moving.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:41, Reply)

^this

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)

That does sound rather nice.
Why not call it 'AA's Munchy Pot'?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Haha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Wotcha, cunts.

( Kroney, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:38, Reply)

You can fuck off and all.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Hi Gonz!

( Kroney, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Monty's got a gwump on.
Just ignore him.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Doesn't seem any worse than usual!

( Kroney, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Exactly.
Just ignore him.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:58, Reply)

God I hate you and everything you stand for.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Hahaha!
"everything I stand for"? Like what?

I stand for nothing. It's my thing.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 11:08, Reply)