I just got an e-mail
from a man called Mr Woodcock.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:08, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Has he got a bird?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:10, Reply)

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:11, Reply)

Nobody cared when you left either.
If indeed that was your real flounce.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:12, Reply)

It certainly was a real flounce.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:13, Reply)

It should be kept in formaldehyde and preserved for future generations.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:17, Reply)

Is he in the army? If so he could be a Private Woodcock.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:12, Reply)

You're assuming he's enlisted. He could be a Major.

( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:14, Reply)

What happened to you Al?
You used to be lovely and now you just come on here being rude about people's names.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:12, Reply)

I don't know what's wrong with me.
I feel this is what happens when you have a vegetable patch, but all your tomatoes die and you're left with just cucumbers and a load of small beetroots.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:13, Reply)

I'm so sorry for your loss. *hugz*

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:14, Reply)

*waggles eyebrows*

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:17, Reply)

I think it's to do with being married.
It kills your soul.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:14, Reply)

My soul certainly felt dead as I skinned that hooker at the weekend.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:16, Reply)

You used to be cool, man
And now I don't know what to believe in...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:15, Reply)

Expensive handbags.

( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:15, Reply)

And Liz Jones.
She's someone to look up to and admire.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:16, Reply)

You know what your problem and mine is, Al?
Too much gardening, not enough weak-chinned man-children.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:18, Reply)

Are you coming on saturday
or are you the one who said they couldn't afford it. I can't tell the difference between you and Plumdozer anymore.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:19, Reply)

Plumdozer is fucking shit
Kroney fucks shit.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:21, Reply)

Aaah, gotcha, a handy mnemonic to get them right.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:22, Reply)

Poor Plumdozer, first he gets mixed up with Gonz, then me.
He should have stuck with getting mixed up with Gonz, more internet cool-points available.

Unless I bottle it, which is a possibility, I shall be coming on Saturday.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:22, Reply)

Don't bottle it, it's a hardnuts lunch, not a soft spastic girly girls lunch.
You'll see that actually we're all "lovely in real life".
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:23, Reply)

I'm not.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:23, Reply)

That's alright, neither am I

( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Yeah, I've heard that said.
But how can I believe it when you're so mean and bitter?
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:24, Reply)

People lower their expectations of others when drunk.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Because they hide behind the internet.
Nice as pie to your face.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:25, Reply)

I'm going to bring my phone
and post offensive comments about everyone on b3ta and then smile sweetly at them.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:27, Reply)

is it too late to join in?
Or am I lacking masculinity and hardness?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:36, Reply)

It's probably not too late
but I would really rather you didn't come. I was almost looking forward to this, and having you there would spoil my dinner.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:37, Reply)

Fair dos Not sure I can fake civility sufficiently to put up with you anyway.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:38, Reply)

Don't feel bad, he was actually looking forward to it until he found out I was going.
Now it's only "almost"
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:40, Reply)

I don't feel bad, but Blousie keeps maintaining he's not a cock in real life, so I thought I'd test the assertion
I'm happy to stick to my initial assessment of:

cock on the internet + "Really Lovely" in real life = cock

In much the same way that:
Twat in the daily Mail + not that stupid in real life = still actually a twat.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:45, Reply)

That's rubbish, because until you actually meet a person
you can't judge their tone sense of humour and intention properly.
If I hadn't met monty, I'd consider him smug and racist, but I have and I know he's not. He's self depricating and likes shocking for comic effect.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:50, Reply)

Yeah, he gives the impression it's for comic effect doesn't he.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:52, Reply)

Meh, always open to re-evaluating first impressions
But I see not reason to totally suspend judgement of everyone on here until I've actually met them IRL. Thus far people have been about how I expected them to be.

Monty is a possible exception, but actually he used to be less lolnazi once upon a time, but seems to have jumped on his own bandwagon as it were. not surprising really, we all live up to our memes to some extent.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:59, Reply)

i don't
i never do. i mean, i think i am perfectly perfect, just as i am. i really like me, i do.

sorry, what was the question?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:00, Reply)

A fag hag says what?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:03, Reply)

You should come and monty and I will put you both in headlocks and force you to physically kiss and make up.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:41, Reply)

I concur
it would make me laugh.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:42, Reply)

It's not just me though
There are other people coming that will also have to fix their teeth into a forced rictus and since I've not seem them for a while I would rather we were able to talk and enjoy ourselves rather than, for civilities sake, pretending whatever it is you were saying was interesting and informative.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure on your own you don't cause offence to passing stray animals or inanimate objects, but I don't want to spend time in your company while I'm trying to eat some wonderful food.

Especially since I'm already going to have to focus a lot of my energy towards putting up with Monty.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:44, Reply)

Oddly enough I understand this, actually.
Maybe I'll see violently rape you at the bash later then, or not.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:05, Reply)

Hahahaha

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:28, Reply)

it's funny because it's true

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:44, Reply)

Not enough bonding with real men.
Just cuckolding at home with the Mrs.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:19, Reply)