Old thread has turned into some kind of counselling forum
Guilty pleasures? Music, film, food. What are they?

Alt:
It was a good old QOTW a while ago. Letters you will never send
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:23, 221 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Future Weapons with Mack
is my current televisual guilty pleasure.

Musically I have a soft spot for Kenny Rogers -the Gambler, also see The Eagles and Buddy Holly because my parents always listened to them when I was young.

Food - Bacon Grills, but they don't make them anymore
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:25, Reply)

Future Weapons is cool
Is Mack the bald guy who talks real furnnnny?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:26, Reply)

Yep, ex-seal apparently
I assume that menas the best weapon to fight him with would be a club
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:28, Reply)

This won't hurt a bit
*boosh*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:28, Reply)

Stop booshing Mack up the bum

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:29, Reply)

The crisps?
Sainsburys make their own.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:29, Reply)

No, they were made by Danepack
minced bacon meat, with cheese on top covered in breadcrumbs.

they've probably been banned now :(
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:30, Reply)

They sound fucking lovely!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:30, Reply)

they were amazing...when possed of a rather large hunger at uni late at night
I would add one to a burger.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:31, Reply)

A Dale Grillsteak burger?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:35, Reply)

Can this thread be for over-sexed misogynists?
Then I can take part.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:26, Reply)

Open to all
Like the anus of a Foxtrot
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:27, Reply)

OK, well in which case my guilty pleasure is in being a filthy old pervert.
Also, being the definition of physical perfection.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:31, Reply)

Evicting gyppos.
Alt: A love letter to your Mum.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:28, Reply)

Like she can read

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:39, Reply)

It's written in spunk.
I thought she could "braille" it with her tongue.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:40, Reply)

Oh, you should have said

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:41, Reply)

I discovered Impact Wrestling on Challenge last night
I fear this may become a regular guilty pleasure on Sunday nights. It's really so awful it's quite fun.

*braces for gay jokes*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:30, Reply)

The advert for that clearly shows that women are involved somehow.
Is this the case?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:31, Reply)

Yes, yes they are.
They 'wrestle' in bikinis and have strange moves like pinning each other down and rubbed their bottoms in n each other's faces.

The 'acting' however between 'fights' however is the best bit.

Oh and apparently Hulk Hogan's still alive and may, or may not be running the thing.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:35, Reply)

On the WWE, Hugh Jackman was getting involved last week.
Awesome!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:35, Reply)

Threw a good punch too.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:51, Reply)

Absolutely.
He's a big fucker too. I thought he really carried it off.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:52, Reply)

Said to have been very popular backstage too
The funniest guest host so far was probably Shaq, if only for the fact he could do this
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:56, Reply)

I have missed the previous guests.
I have set my Skyplus.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:08, Reply)

There has been some excellent ones, Bob Barker, Shaq, ZZ Top, William Shatner, etc
Also some wrestlers who hadn't been seen in years, Bret Hart, Sgt Slaughter, Rowdy Roddy Piper, so on and so forth.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:15, Reply)

I used to go and see the Memphis wrestling on a Saturday when I was a lad.
Jerry "The King" Lawler was the local number one. I think we may have had Bret Hart and Rick Flair at one point.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:24, Reply)

Nice!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:34, Reply)

Ahh, Impact wrestling
The only good matches that happen with that at the minute are in the X Division, they seem to defy gravity.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:47, Reply)

I can totally pearoast this old QOTW answer about by Guilty Pleasures.
A few years ago
I had the misfortune of being involved on the periphery of a traffic accident. An artwork removals van had run into the back of a police car which had been shunted into a small hatchback which in turn had been pushed into a road bridge.

This series of shunts had caused a flat bed pickup coming the other way to spin, dumping its load of waste oil all over the road and starting an engine fire.

Now, engine fire plus waste oil on road equals high potential for very nasty blaze. The police from the car quickly moved everyone from the vehicles involved away from the scene with the exception of the driver of the hatchback who was trapped as the shunt had buckled the door frames, preventing him from getting out.

Things were looking very very bad indeed but the policeman closest to the car acted quick as a flash. He ran to the removal van and hauled open the back. He pulled out a painting ensconced within a sparkling golden frame.

Running over to the stricken hatchback he started to run the edge of the frame rapidly over the roof supports. Seeing what the first officer was doing the second member of the constabulary ran over to the van and grabbed a second portrait, "No!" shouted the first policeman "get one with the gold leaf on the frame!" So the second officer promptly dropped the portrait he was carrying and took a second and began to run the edge over the roof supports on the other side of the hatchback.

And then, while we stood and watched, what seemed like a miracle occured. The two policemen threw down their paintings and heaved at the roof of the hatchback. With a crack of glass, the roof came away from the body of the car.

The policemen heaved the stricken driver from his seat and dragged him clear, just seconds before the fumes from the oil ignited.

The now considerable crowd ran over to the policemen to offer what assistance we could, I took off my coat and used it to support the drivers head as he lay on the floor. In the distance we could hear the approaching sirens of the emergency services. A women standing near me was standing open mouthed in astonishment. "But, but, officer, how did you cut through the roof of the car using only the edge of a gold framed portrait?"

The policeman turned and shrugged, "It was nothing really" he said, as his gaze swept over the now blazing vehicles "We just used Gilt-y Police Saws."
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:31, Reply)

LTI

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:32, Reply)

leave




now
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:33, Reply)

Oh FFS.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:33, Reply)

Please die

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:33, Reply)

oh, al
you're so very right and i was so very wrong.

you were never funny.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:37, Reply)

But you have always been self obsessed.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:40, Reply)

do you think your post was funny?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:42, Reply)

In the words of my old man whilst on a car trip;
"Shut up the pair of you. Don't make me come back there, if I do you'll be walking home."
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:46, Reply)

Tit

(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:36, Reply)

Instant mashed potato
So horrible it is lovely!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:33, Reply)

Films: James Bond.
Music: Judge Dread.
Food: Frozen croquet potatoes.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:35, Reply)

Bond films are an excellent guilty pleasure

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:36, Reply)

I think that was a typo.
You onviously meant to say 'are shit'
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:37, Reply)

I onviously did, yes
EDIT:

Bond films remind me of my grandad - this is a good thing
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:38, Reply)

fuck off

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:38, Reply)

What's eating you today b3th?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:39, Reply)

I'm old and arthritic. What's your excuse?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:40, Reply)

I'm old
and my ankles are goosed
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:41, Reply)

For some reason, this weekend
my arthritis has been particularly bad in my elbows and my back. This is making me cross and grumpy.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:43, Reply)

OK
*plumps pillow for b3th to rest against*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:43, Reply)

What's wrong with a Bond film?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:39, Reply)

The fact they never show the good ones any more.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:44, Reply)

ITV had all the old ones on a while ago

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:45, Reply)

that'll be when I didn't have a telly then.
Bugger.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:47, Reply)

You obviously mean the Dalton ones, here.
I fully support your statement.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:47, Reply)

Lazenby FTW

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:48, Reply)

Lazenby should have had the chance to do more.
His main problem was having the misfortune to be the first Bond swapsie.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:51, Reply)

And being a bit shit, don't forget that.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:53, Reply)

He wasn't all that bad
He was certainly better than Roger Moore.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:54, Reply)

*Raises an eyebrow in such a way as to imply "you are wrong, but I am far to suave to say so"*

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:55, Reply)

Connery and Craig have been best.
I liked Lazenby and it was a shame he only did one film.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:51, Reply)

I'm not signed up for anything after Roger Moore
TBH. All the modern ones have been a bit shit.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:54, Reply)

Bob Holness was the best
Probably
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:56, Reply)

None of the Roger Moore films feel any good.
Small budgets (for what was required) and shit plots. I think the new ones have been OK/good.

Next you'll be saying you don't like the new Nick Tilsley in Coronation Street.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:58, Reply)

Who? In what?
Sorry you've come over all northern an I don't understand you.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:59, Reply)

Repeatedly telling him their diabolical plan to take over the world, instead of just shooting him in the head, wot like happens in the real world.

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:46, Reply)

I couldn't believe how badly Goldeneye had aged the other day.
Edit - I meant when I saw it the other day, it didn't just suddenly age badly the other day.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:40, Reply)

I read that as baldy Goldeneye and wondered who you were on about

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:42, Reply)

It was appalling.
Like that horrible little Scottish fag that's in it.

Was that PB's first one?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:42, Reply)

Yes it was
at the time I thought it was brilliant, one of the best ones ever.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:44, Reply)

It still has moments.
I liked Borris and you can't go far wrong with a tank chase, but you're right it has aged badly.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:46, Reply)

Boris/Alan Cumming
Is the worst bit!! Nice computer graphics!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:50, Reply)

That whole sending computer spike business
makes me smile
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:53, Reply)

Its the IT cringe part of these films
Just like any medical professionals cringe at ER, Casualty, etc. Teachers at Waterloo Road.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:54, Reply)

It's not even close to being the most unreasonable thing Hollywood
has depicted computers doing. Not by a long way.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:55, Reply)

Ever seen 'The Net', with Sandy Bollocks?
That is horrific.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:57, Reply)

I saw "The Proposal" she is naked in it, though you can't see anything rude.
She's still pretty tidy for an older bird.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:58, Reply)

She has cracking pins.

( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:03, Reply)

I'd do 2 years for that.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:11, Reply)

Hackers is the worst.
Hacking GUI depicting a computerised cityscape through which he navigates due to typing really, really fast.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:58, Reply)

Aren't there breasts in that film though?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:20, Reply)

I have but cannot remember anything about it!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:59, Reply)

There's one part where the antagonist is on his laptop, sat in his car, looking at her police record
And clicks on a nicely placed 'EDIT' button, before making her a wanted criminal.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:01, Reply)

I see

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:02, Reply)

Die Hard 4 is pretty poor on the hacking front, too.
In that film you can control an entire city, it's gas supply and the nation's media through typing really, really fast.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:06, Reply)

Does this work?
fdjgndjngdngjsjfngjdkgnds djngjdf gjds ngj gmakebankspaymemoneydnfjdsnfjnfd
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:08, Reply)

Hmm, the building across the road from me just blew up.
Ahh, you missed a decimal point.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:11, Reply)

Hahaha
I like this.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:12, Reply)

Oh man, there isn't an edit button next to your post
or i'd totally do the same for Lolz
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:03, Reply)

I don't think you need to be a teacher to cringe at Waterloo Road
cringe at fling faeces at the TV because of
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:58, Reply)

trufax

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:58, Reply)

Is there really a button that comes up saying "Send Spike"?
I know vjay-jay about computers but suspect not.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:55, Reply)

I'm suspecting not either
Quoting Jurassic Park "I know this, it's Unix"

*CRINGE*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:55, Reply)

I don't get it.
Why would they know Unix?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:59, Reply)

All 7 year old kids learn the variant of Unix
where the screen flies along as though it were an aircraft flight simulator, didn't you know this?

It differs from all other Unix systems who are command line based via telnet style windows only
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:02, Reply)

I recognise some of the words in your post.
That's as far as it goes.

I can't even attach a link in here.

And do you know what, I'm fucking glad.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:04, Reply)

Allow me

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:05, Reply)

Nicely done.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:05, Reply)

There's no specific button
you just have to type really, really fast and the hacking more or less takes care of itself.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:56, Reply)

Additionally, your monitor brightness needs to be so high
you can read all the commands you are typing in the reflected glow on your face
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:57, Reply)

But, but he was INWINCIBLE!
It was fantactic
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:57, Reply)

Me too.
Especially the tank chase.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:46, Reply)

Still, Xenia.
Lucky bastard
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:51, Reply)

This too.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:58, Reply)

X Factor, and I'm not sorry.
I won't spend any money voting though.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:36, Reply)

lunch
is minestrone and pesto soup from eat. i don't feel guilty though as it's about 200 calories and i was in the gym for 75 mins this morning before work, so.

erm.

microwaving cheese for 10 seconds until it melts in the middle and is all warm and squishy, then stuffing it down my fat throat.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:37, Reply)

My throat has been very sore for the last few days.
It's very hard to stuff anything down it at all. Woe is me and my swollen gland.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:40, Reply)

You will just have to offer hand relief to your punters then

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:41, Reply)

this almost sounds like you mean to make people think you are talking about your cock
shame on you
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:42, Reply)

You're the only one to say this, Freud would raise an eyebrow.

( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:44, Reply)

er
see the strikethrough below!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:46, Reply)

Oh yeah

( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:48, Reply)

d s
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:43, Reply)

He just needs a more supple back

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:44, Reply)

Music: Busted
Film: AvP, Disney films (specifically Hercules, clearly the best).
Food: It used to be fish fingers, but I've gone off them. Currently, I'd say it's pies from the sandwich van. Also, mini Chicago Town pizzas.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:49, Reply)

Busted - SERIOUSLY?????
See urgent medical attention for a mental health evaluation.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:55, Reply)

In the year 3000

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:56, Reply)

If Darth were round, he'd point out I've seen them live.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:57, Reply)

Fucking hell.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:03, Reply)

Oh god, Chicago town pizzas
seconded.
(berk, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:00, Reply)

Main downside is the volcanic temperatures they reach.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:01, Reply)

You know how we had a phase of agreeing on stuff?
It's clearly ended.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:12, Reply)

i like breasts

( broadsword, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:50, Reply)

Cheesey pasta
I know I ought to be eating something more nutritious, but sometimes your life NEEDS MOAR CHEESE. Pasta is merely the delivery system. Oh and McFly - I hate myself every time I find myself singing along to them, but I just can't help it. (see also: Olly Murs)

You started a new thread because the old one has turned in to some sort of counselling forum and now you're asking about letters you'll never send? Christ, there's a pandora's box. I'd send four: one to each of my parents, one to an ex, and one to tennis boy.
(berk, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:59, Reply)

My kids are terrible for getting them to eat
Pasta with a cheese sauce is the only thing they will both eat
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:00, Reply)

berk is one of your kids?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:04, Reply)

Yes, yes she is

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:06, Reply)

No, he just pretends she is so he can get an erection.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:07, Reply)

*boing*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:07, Reply)

Hanson
Mmmmbop. I like the little bird in the group.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:02, Reply)

Someone had that as a sig ages ago on here, didn't they?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:03, Reply)

I think so.
It's an old joke. Funny though.

Have a mentioned I am old and it's my birthday this week?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:05, Reply)

I think so
On here, this is known as "Weakest Linkism"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:07, Reply)

Hahaha.
"I think it might be on Youtube".
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:09, Reply)

I just got an e-mail
from a man called Mr Woodcock.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:08, Reply)

Has he got a bird?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:10, Reply)

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:11, Reply)

Nobody cared when you left either.
If indeed that was your real flounce.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:12, Reply)

It certainly was a real flounce.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:13, Reply)

It should be kept in formaldehyde and preserved for future generations.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:17, Reply)

Is he in the army? If so he could be a Private Woodcock.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:12, Reply)

You're assuming he's enlisted. He could be a Major.

( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:14, Reply)

What happened to you Al?
You used to be lovely and now you just come on here being rude about people's names.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:12, Reply)

I don't know what's wrong with me.
I feel this is what happens when you have a vegetable patch, but all your tomatoes die and you're left with just cucumbers and a load of small beetroots.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:13, Reply)

I'm so sorry for your loss. *hugz*

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:14, Reply)

*waggles eyebrows*

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:17, Reply)

I think it's to do with being married.
It kills your soul.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:14, Reply)

My soul certainly felt dead as I skinned that hooker at the weekend.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:16, Reply)

You used to be cool, man
And now I don't know what to believe in...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:15, Reply)

Expensive handbags.

( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:15, Reply)

And Liz Jones.
She's someone to look up to and admire.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:16, Reply)

You know what your problem and mine is, Al?
Too much gardening, not enough weak-chinned man-children.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:18, Reply)

Are you coming on saturday
or are you the one who said they couldn't afford it. I can't tell the difference between you and Plumdozer anymore.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:19, Reply)

Plumdozer is fucking shit
Kroney fucks shit.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:21, Reply)

Aaah, gotcha, a handy mnemonic to get them right.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:22, Reply)

Poor Plumdozer, first he gets mixed up with Gonz, then me.
He should have stuck with getting mixed up with Gonz, more internet cool-points available.

Unless I bottle it, which is a possibility, I shall be coming on Saturday.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:22, Reply)

Don't bottle it, it's a hardnuts lunch, not a soft spastic girly girls lunch.
You'll see that actually we're all "lovely in real life".
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:23, Reply)

I'm not.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:23, Reply)

That's alright, neither am I

( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Yeah, I've heard that said.
But how can I believe it when you're so mean and bitter?
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:24, Reply)

People lower their expectations of others when drunk.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Because they hide behind the internet.
Nice as pie to your face.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:25, Reply)

I'm going to bring my phone
and post offensive comments about everyone on b3ta and then smile sweetly at them.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:27, Reply)

is it too late to join in?
Or am I lacking masculinity and hardness?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:36, Reply)

It's probably not too late
but I would really rather you didn't come. I was almost looking forward to this, and having you there would spoil my dinner.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:37, Reply)

Fair dos Not sure I can fake civility sufficiently to put up with you anyway.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:38, Reply)

Don't feel bad, he was actually looking forward to it until he found out I was going.
Now it's only "almost"
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:40, Reply)

I don't feel bad, but Blousie keeps maintaining he's not a cock in real life, so I thought I'd test the assertion
I'm happy to stick to my initial assessment of:

cock on the internet + "Really Lovely" in real life = cock

In much the same way that:
Twat in the daily Mail + not that stupid in real life = still actually a twat.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:45, Reply)

That's rubbish, because until you actually meet a person
you can't judge their tone sense of humour and intention properly.
If I hadn't met monty, I'd consider him smug and racist, but I have and I know he's not. He's self depricating and likes shocking for comic effect.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:50, Reply)

Yeah, he gives the impression it's for comic effect doesn't he.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:52, Reply)

Meh, always open to re-evaluating first impressions
But I see not reason to totally suspend judgement of everyone on here until I've actually met them IRL. Thus far people have been about how I expected them to be.

Monty is a possible exception, but actually he used to be less lolnazi once upon a time, but seems to have jumped on his own bandwagon as it were. not surprising really, we all live up to our memes to some extent.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:59, Reply)

i don't
i never do. i mean, i think i am perfectly perfect, just as i am. i really like me, i do.

sorry, what was the question?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:00, Reply)

A fag hag says what?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:03, Reply)

You should come and monty and I will put you both in headlocks and force you to physically kiss and make up.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:41, Reply)

I concur
it would make me laugh.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:42, Reply)

It's not just me though
There are other people coming that will also have to fix their teeth into a forced rictus and since I've not seem them for a while I would rather we were able to talk and enjoy ourselves rather than, for civilities sake, pretending whatever it is you were saying was interesting and informative.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure on your own you don't cause offence to passing stray animals or inanimate objects, but I don't want to spend time in your company while I'm trying to eat some wonderful food.

Especially since I'm already going to have to focus a lot of my energy towards putting up with Monty.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:44, Reply)

Oddly enough I understand this, actually.
Maybe I'll see violently rape you at the bash later then, or not.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:05, Reply)

Hahahaha

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:28, Reply)

it's funny because it's true

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:44, Reply)

Not enough bonding with real men.
Just cuckolding at home with the Mrs.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:19, Reply)

Guilty food pleasures
definitely cheese and ham toasties. Music - I really do quite like Noah and the Whale. I realise this is probably on a level with touching children inappropriately.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Do you really?
You do realise that they're for girls, right?
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:26, Reply)

Oh well, I must be a girl then.
There's no point having a guilty pleasure if there's nothing wrong with it, now is there? Unless of course people are reading it as "things which I'm going to say I like because I think they'll sound ironically cool and edgy and internet ladies might touch my winkle?"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:29, Reply)

Just making sure, sometimes people get confused. Totally not judging.

( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:32, Reply)

I was never confused.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:36, Reply)

Good for you, Susan.
*pats head*
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:37, Reply)

I've never really fancied boys, though
So I guess I must be a lesbian, too? It's all so very difficult.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:38, Reply)

my friend is a mental health nurse
and she has a patient who is convinced he is a lesbian. he yells it all the time. OI, SARAH. I'M A LESBIAN.

he's about 79 and has a father christmas beard.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:42, Reply)

I like to sing along with the chorus of L.I.F.E G.O.E.S O.N
It makes me feel happy inside.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:27, Reply)

Bra lala

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:32, Reply)

You should have branston pickle with that toastie.
It improves it 10000%.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:28, Reply)

you get atomically hot pickle, though

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:31, Reply)

Worth it.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:32, Reply)

I love the Feasters Microwave BBQ Rib Sandwich. Sweet sweet barbecue sauce.
Musically I quite like an emo boyband called Elliott Minor to my eternal shame.

I honestly can't think of a film I like that is generally rubbished.

Afternoon gossoons and scofflaws, I am being terribly good at work so they'll let me work from home at some point. Thus no b3ta except at lunchtime.

Although the latest rumour is that our office will be moved into the town centre, making it probably walking distance for me. That would make it difficult to build a case for home working, I reckon.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:28, Reply)

Elliot Minor?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:29, Reply)

Feasters? Is that like Rustlers?
Also, guilty pleasures are one thing. Eating a foodstuff that's wronger than fisting a shit-soaked vole is quite another, young man.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:30, Reply)

They are a rather excellent hangover cure.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:33, Reply)

So is throwing your ring up, but that doesn't make it pleasant.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:35, Reply)

That only makes you feel better for a few minutes
Although I'm unsure why...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:39, Reply)

Vomiting is a painful but excellent hangover cure

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:56, Reply)

Feasters came along and copied Rustlers I think
and they're slightly less.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:03, Reply)

I just an e-mail from Boris Johnson
Dear Mr "big al" thgrde,

Badly‑managed roadworks are a headache for Londoners and a drain on our economy.

I have just introduced new, tighter standards for roadworks and making it easier for you to tell us when you spot sloppy examples so we can take action to sort it out. If you drive in London, you can report sites that don’t come up to scratch at tfl.gov.uk/roadworks

TfL has pledged that all its roadworks will meet these standards. Any other organisation working on TfL’s roads will be monitored using CCTV and traffic police community support officers.

Most roads in London are managed by local boroughs, so I’m asking them to meet the standards too. Your reports will be passed directly to the relevant authority, and my team will work to ensure improvements are made.

We are getting laws put in place by next year that allow us to properly charge for working on our roads - creating a real incentive to do works with minimum disruption.

In the meantime, thank you for your help in keeping London moving.


Yours sincerely,

Boris Johnson
Mayor of London and Chairman of Transport for London

Is it it coming up to an election?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:46, Reply)

Probably, but why is this only for drivers?
half the problem "road" works in london fuck up the pavements.

You don't really get traffic jams on pavements I suppose.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:51, Reply)

Traffic jams on pavements don't cost the economy "Billions of pounds a year"

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:52, Reply)

Those BILLIONS of pounds a year estimates are about as reliable as police estimates of "street values" of drugs.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:54, Reply)

I often wonder who the police buy their drugs from
'Cause someone is getting ripped off, they pay way over the odds.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:57, Reply)

They're trying to get the price up for all the drugs they "lose" during transit.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:57, Reply)

1:Bust criminal gang
2: Cut coke
3:'sample' the mechandise
4: ??????
5:Profit
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:59, Reply)

He's been wittering on about this for a while...I guess it's only just been implemented

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:55, Reply)

i would like to have the sloppy fucker who organised the closure of the westbound blackfriars underpass yesterday SACKED
i was driving in quite happily from essex, got to the point where i could have gone down to aldgate and round, or gone along to tower hill and gone along the embankment. the latter being slightly quicker for my office, i chose it.

only after a substantial Q, when you are stuck in gridlocked traffic with no other options, does a little sign pop up saying: "underpass closed, please seek alternative route". you fucking stupid fucking fuckers, i would have done, if you had put this sign somewhere useful, like where people actually had a choice of routes. also, the diversion over southwark bridge? also chock-full of roadworks and down to one lane. you stole about an hour of my life making me sit in that traffic and i WANT IT BACK.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:58, Reply)

I was on a country road in Dorset last week
suddenlky the road said closed ahead, but it was not blocked. 'fuck it' I thought and carried, this persuaded around 6 other cars to carry on as well, 3 miles later the road abruptly end where a bridge once stood.

i think the other cars thought I knew something that i really didn't
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:01, Reply)

see
if they had put: "road closed because bridge is gone" then you would not have carried on. fucking morons!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:02, Reply)

I think it's fair to say that i was fairly moronic as well...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:03, Reply)

oh
i didn't realise that needed to be said!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:11, Reply)

You are probably right, but when Monty's not here bullying me I need attention

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:12, Reply)

Just been for my first run since the babba was born
I am now actually sweaty on the internet
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:56, Reply)

All men on the internet are sweaty/
Most are also fat. This is just a fact.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:59, Reply)

you dropped this
+ ugly
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:59, Reply)

I am not fat, just sweaty today

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:00, Reply)

Like so?
WARNING: NSFW
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:01, Reply)

I love Desperate Housewives, the internet better be sorted at my house in Newcastle so I can watch the première from last night.
Also I love Horse Meat Disco, the disco night in the Eagle, but you all knew that and that's not really a guilty pleasure. Me and my mates are happy to shout from the rooftops how much we like the music in there.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:08, Reply)