Line up: Lisa Loeb, Semisonic, Offspring, Scroobius Pip and his buddy Dan Le Sac (shut up monty), Shut up monty (my Hendrix cover-band), Plan B, Daft Punk, The Gentleman Rhymer.
Where is it being held: Trent Park, cockfosters, north london.
Food: A stall that has all sorts of meat, veg, condiments, deserts.... with a selection of batters and deep fat friers.
Prohibited: Coke, everyone who isn't on coke hates coke heads, they're cocks. Any other drugs is alright though. Oh, crack is included in that.
Compulsory: Mammograms and Prostate interrogations.
Oh, I thought it had to be a music festival, I'm changing this to something like the Good Food Festival.

Alt: I just wrote this on a FB group about banning halal meat this thanks giving, and the americans who keep on banging on and on about freedom... but I thought it was very good so I'll re-post it here.

I'm not American but I really like America, until I see things like this. You have the freedom not to buy it. You have the freedom to eat what you want. You have the freedom to spout your racist islamaphobic rants as much as you like.

Oppression is when you can't speak out against the general conscious, or against your government, or against the companies that supply your government without income. Oppression is when the only alternative is death. Oppression is when depleted uranium and indiscriminate bombing causes the building your family is in to collapse.

Since 1945 the United States as attempted to over throw over 50 governments. In the process they have ended the life of over a million people, and displaced and antagonised many millions more.

What is the dictionary definition of Terrorism? "The systematic use of terror, especially as a means of coercion" But what is Terror? "Terror is voilent or destructive acts, such as bombing. Committed by groups in order to intimidate a population or government into granting their demands".... So, what is a terrorist?

If you talk about how Halal meat is funding terrorism, while sipping starbucks and paying taxes, then the rest of the world will look at you with the distain you deserve. Thank him above that the thousand or soo of you on here _don't_ represent your nation, because then there really would be no hope.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:01, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

You tell 'em Gonz! Excellent work.
I probably won't go to your festival though...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:03, Reply)

Oh, what about the food one?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:18, Reply)

Is there still compulsory prostate exams? That's a clincher.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:21, Reply)

Hey, prostate cancer is a very real worry for us all.
One day you'll be grateful that Gonz stuck his finger up there.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:25, Reply)

WOH WOH WOH WOOOOOHHHHH NOW
Who said anything about fingers?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:32, Reply)

Thumbs?
Not tongue, surely? You can't mean your tongue...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:33, Reply)

If it doens't tickle the colon then I'm not interested.
I'm spoilt by all those colonscopies.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:02, Reply)

^this
Not to get too serious (but getting serious) even without symptoms showing, you chaps should all get tested when you reach a certain age.

Prostate cancer - it's really not as funny as you'd think.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Which is odd, because it sounds fucking hilarious.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:10, Reply)

Turns out it is only mildy amusing

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:11, Reply)

Kind of like he Ricky Gervais sketch Chompy linked to earlier.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:28, Reply)

I already don't go to the existing one, so it's a "no" from me.
Soz.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:26, Reply)

Hugh Furnly Whittingstall just did a dish that I'm going to do for christmas that I already had planned.
Butternut squash mash with scallops and bacon.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:33, Reply)

This group starts off in quite a reasonable manner, but the bit in capitals made me laugh very hard.
https://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=160687372066&v=info
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:30, Reply)

As did I.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:40, Reply)

Crazy americans
www.facebook.com/pages/Boycott-Butterball-Turkey/293550330679354
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:41, Reply)

Oh god it was made by her.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:42, Reply)

I'd quite like to know how one interrogates a prostate
but only because I don't have one...
(berk, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:39, Reply)

Have you seen 24?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:41, Reply)

Nope.

(berk, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:43, Reply)

Oh, it's quite good. It's this show about
A guy named Jack who is very angry a lot of the time, he's a secret agent in america who is against evil people like drug dealers and terrorests and mexicans. They want to do naughty things like sale drugs to people (not like boots though, think along the lines of that guy in the market who spits little packages into people's hands) and launch chemical bombs (like in WW2, with the onion powder (think of how much an onion makes you cry, this is the chemical stuff that makes that happen)) and kidnap people against their will without their permision in exchange for stuff like getting the latest Zelda or Super Mario before it's out. Jack goes all around the world shouting at people, he likes taking servay and needs to know who everyone's working for and what their D.O.B (Date of Birth (how old they are)).
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:49, Reply)

I've never seen 24
But I'm willing to bet that it could never live up to this excellent description of it.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Hah=)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:02, Reply)

I liked that video you posted.
Frozen planet has been an excellent show.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:43, Reply)

I keep meaning to catch it on iplayer
but I never get round to it.
(berk, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:45, Reply)

It's worth it,
I watched two hours on sunday in bed.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:50, Reply)

Bad cop: DON'T GIVE ME THAT SHIT, WE KNOW YOU HAVEN'T BEEN PROPERLY SECRETING A SLIGHTLY ALKALINE SUBSTANCE PROPERLY
Good cop: If you talk, we can work out a deal, maybe get you some treatment
Bad cop: YOU'RE OUT TO CAUSE CANCER AREN'T YOU, MOTHERFUCKER

Like that, I'd imagine.
( Kroney, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:45, Reply)

With plenty of lube.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:46, Reply)