Just for Trotter then...
I know variations on this theme have been done before, but there was some related discussion in an earlier thread and it might have legs...

You are putting on a festival offtopic.
Who is in your line-up?
Where is it being held?
And, for you lunch-fatties, what food is available?
Is anything prohibited/compulsory?
Is it even a music festival, or a festival of ballroom dancing?

Alt: Are there enough questions there to negate the need for an alt?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 12:23, 78 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

No food needs to be served at festivals.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 12:26, Reply)

Fahhk off
hog roasts at 3am are one of the best things at a festival.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 12:27, Reply)

It's Baz's festival, he can do what he likes.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 12:28, Reply)

It's not a festival when your're the only one there though.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 12:29, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1443207
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 12:30, Reply)

Agreed. And you definitely need food after a good roasting session.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 12:28, Reply)

Sub question
As this is a fantasy festival, can we have dead people?

If so, I'm having (I am aware that these aren;t all dead):

Warren Zevon
Johnny Cash
Hank Williams
Steve Earle
EmmyLou Harris
Townes Van Zandt
Laura Cantrell
Kitty Wells
Justin Townes Earle
Thea Gilmore
Kris Kristofferson.

And I guess we'll have it at some Rodeo Venue in Austin, TX, eating cows. Line Dancing prohibited, yahooing and harmonicas compulsory.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 12:32, Reply)

The dead are more than welcome
I think I shall enjoy your festival.
Will there be booze there for the rest of us?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 12:46, Reply)

Of course.
I'm sober, I'm not Elliot Ness.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 12:51, Reply)

haha!

( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 12:51, Reply)

It'd be a village fete.
The main component would be smug.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 12:34, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1443247
( Peej, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 12:41, Reply)

Jeff Bridges Festival
In my pants
Won't have time for food
Nothing prohibited (if you know what I mean)
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 12:46, Reply)

Well this was a successful thread, wasn't it?
I'd like to thank you all for taking part.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 12:50, Reply)

don't feel bad
you just couldn't compete with my sparkling personality*, is all.

*titgazzes for all
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 12:55, Reply)

I don't feel bad - I'm consoling myself with the titgaz
Open goal for strikethrough ^
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 12:58, Reply)

I don't feel bad - I'm consoling myself with the titgaz
Open goal for strikethrough ^


...fuck...I missed.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 12:59, Reply)

*something about your football team*

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:01, Reply)

you mean undefeated in 15 games, top of league 2 going to win the title as well as get to Wembley
Southend United?

/Mockery proof.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:05, Reply)

I don't know much about football
Is being top of league 2 like being on the popular page here?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:07, Reply)

It's a similarly tragic thing to be proud of, yes.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:10, Reply)

Line up: Lisa Loeb, Semisonic, Offspring, Scroobius Pip and his buddy Dan Le Sac (shut up monty), Shut up monty (my Hendrix cover-band), Plan B, Daft Punk, The Gentleman Rhymer.
Where is it being held: Trent Park, cockfosters, north london.
Food: A stall that has all sorts of meat, veg, condiments, deserts.... with a selection of batters and deep fat friers.
Prohibited: Coke, everyone who isn't on coke hates coke heads, they're cocks. Any other drugs is alright though. Oh, crack is included in that.
Compulsory: Mammograms and Prostate interrogations.
Oh, I thought it had to be a music festival, I'm changing this to something like the Good Food Festival.

Alt: I just wrote this on a FB group about banning halal meat this thanks giving, and the americans who keep on banging on and on about freedom... but I thought it was very good so I'll re-post it here.

I'm not American but I really like America, until I see things like this. You have the freedom not to buy it. You have the freedom to eat what you want. You have the freedom to spout your racist islamaphobic rants as much as you like.

Oppression is when you can't speak out against the general conscious, or against your government, or against the companies that supply your government without income. Oppression is when the only alternative is death. Oppression is when depleted uranium and indiscriminate bombing causes the building your family is in to collapse.

Since 1945 the United States as attempted to over throw over 50 governments. In the process they have ended the life of over a million people, and displaced and antagonised many millions more.

What is the dictionary definition of Terrorism? "The systematic use of terror, especially as a means of coercion" But what is Terror? "Terror is voilent or destructive acts, such as bombing. Committed by groups in order to intimidate a population or government into granting their demands".... So, what is a terrorist?

If you talk about how Halal meat is funding terrorism, while sipping starbucks and paying taxes, then the rest of the world will look at you with the distain you deserve. Thank him above that the thousand or soo of you on here _don't_ represent your nation, because then there really would be no hope.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:01, Reply)

You tell 'em Gonz! Excellent work.
I probably won't go to your festival though...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:03, Reply)

Oh, what about the food one?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:18, Reply)

Is there still compulsory prostate exams? That's a clincher.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:21, Reply)

Hey, prostate cancer is a very real worry for us all.
One day you'll be grateful that Gonz stuck his finger up there.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:25, Reply)

WOH WOH WOH WOOOOOHHHHH NOW
Who said anything about fingers?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:32, Reply)

Thumbs?
Not tongue, surely? You can't mean your tongue...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:33, Reply)

If it doens't tickle the colon then I'm not interested.
I'm spoilt by all those colonscopies.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:02, Reply)

^this
Not to get too serious (but getting serious) even without symptoms showing, you chaps should all get tested when you reach a certain age.

Prostate cancer - it's really not as funny as you'd think.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Which is odd, because it sounds fucking hilarious.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:10, Reply)

Turns out it is only mildy amusing

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:11, Reply)

Kind of like he Ricky Gervais sketch Chompy linked to earlier.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:28, Reply)

I already don't go to the existing one, so it's a "no" from me.
Soz.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:26, Reply)

Hugh Furnly Whittingstall just did a dish that I'm going to do for christmas that I already had planned.
Butternut squash mash with scallops and bacon.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:33, Reply)

This group starts off in quite a reasonable manner, but the bit in capitals made me laugh very hard.
https://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=160687372066&v=info
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:30, Reply)

As did I.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:40, Reply)

Crazy americans
www.facebook.com/pages/Boycott-Butterball-Turkey/293550330679354
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:41, Reply)

Oh god it was made by her.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:42, Reply)

I'd quite like to know how one interrogates a prostate
but only because I don't have one...
(berk, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:39, Reply)

Have you seen 24?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:41, Reply)

Nope.

(berk, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:43, Reply)

Oh, it's quite good. It's this show about
A guy named Jack who is very angry a lot of the time, he's a secret agent in america who is against evil people like drug dealers and terrorests and mexicans. They want to do naughty things like sale drugs to people (not like boots though, think along the lines of that guy in the market who spits little packages into people's hands) and launch chemical bombs (like in WW2, with the onion powder (think of how much an onion makes you cry, this is the chemical stuff that makes that happen)) and kidnap people against their will without their permision in exchange for stuff like getting the latest Zelda or Super Mario before it's out. Jack goes all around the world shouting at people, he likes taking servay and needs to know who everyone's working for and what their D.O.B (Date of Birth (how old they are)).
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:49, Reply)

I've never seen 24
But I'm willing to bet that it could never live up to this excellent description of it.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Hah=)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:02, Reply)

I liked that video you posted.
Frozen planet has been an excellent show.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:43, Reply)

I keep meaning to catch it on iplayer
but I never get round to it.
(berk, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:45, Reply)

It's worth it,
I watched two hours on sunday in bed.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:50, Reply)

Bad cop: DON'T GIVE ME THAT SHIT, WE KNOW YOU HAVEN'T BEEN PROPERLY SECRETING A SLIGHTLY ALKALINE SUBSTANCE PROPERLY
Good cop: If you talk, we can work out a deal, maybe get you some treatment
Bad cop: YOU'RE OUT TO CAUSE CANCER AREN'T YOU, MOTHERFUCKER

Like that, I'd imagine.
( Kroney, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:45, Reply)

With plenty of lube.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:46, Reply)

Line Up: Metallica, Black Sabbath, Heaven Shall Burn, Chimaira, Neuroma, Behemoth, Sylosis, Cannibal Corpse, Carcass, Napalm Death, The Berzerker, Fozzy, Job For A Cowboy, Parkway Drive, Fleshgod Apocalypse, and a few others I haven't thought of yet.
Location: I'd hold it at Knebworth House, that place was perfect this year.
Food: Toastie vans for those who have spent most of their money on getting there, breakfast vans doing burgers/bacon/etc for the morning, then Noodle Bar, Chimichurri and other food places for those who have managed to save a little.
Prohibited: The selling of Carlsberg. Bring your own if you want, but it wouldn't be sold anywhere in the grounds.
It'd be a music festival.

Alt: Hmm, I'm not sure.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:43, Reply)

I would have a festival of BUM

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:43, Reply)

You and Darth.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:52, Reply)

yes

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:54, Reply)

Mate, I can't find a pug that fits, I've tried 2 of them, one of them was a 4 day old puppy too.
Can you think of something else? It has to be able to fit or it'll be pointless.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Get a mother to give birth directly into you.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:00, Reply)

get a butthole stretcher, i aint giving you 4 grand for no little pup

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:02, Reply)

*by butthole stretcher i do not mean darth

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:03, Reply)

I'm not sure if you're overestimating his size or underestimating mine here.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:05, Reply)

both
i reckon his dongle's like a fairy wand with glitterdust and a star on top
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:08, Reply)

LONDON MAN EATS KEYBOARD, DIES

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Is that about me?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:09, Reply)

did you eat you keyboard and died?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:12, Reply)

You insensitive bastard!
My mother ate a keyboard and died.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:13, Reply)

fucken hell man! fucken dead mothers all over the shop
IF PEOPLE LOOKED AFTER THEIR MOTHERS A BIT BETTER MAYBE THEY WOULDN'T ALL BE UPSET AT ME
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:15, Reply)

DOES ANYONE WANT TO PLAY TEXT CATCHPHRASE with me please?
www.b3ta.com/talk/7388823
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:16, Reply)

Hey, I'm playing.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:27, Reply)

Hawkwind, Gong, Ozric Tentacles, Litmus, Acid Mothers Temple, Wooden Shjips etc etc*
Held at Stonehenge
Food: magic mushrooms, opium truffles, LSD pies etc etc
No benders or foreigns
It's a music festival


*I've gone for acts that are still going here. Were it a fantasy lineup I'd make Hendrix play without a break for three days solid.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:12, Reply)

*signs up*
I saw Acid Mothers Temple in a tiny venue in Coventry a year or so back. They destroyed my ears.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:14, Reply)

They played in Oxford last week. I couldn't afford to go.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:16, Reply)

If your defence, if they played in your kitchen you couldn't afford to go either

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:17, Reply)

*cries*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:17, Reply)

Can't afford to cry either
Suck it up big boy
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:19, Reply)

*cries dust*


*tries to sell dust*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:20, Reply)

I'm going to buy you a can of cold polish lager to accompany our hot meat explosion.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:22, Reply)

This is excellent news.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:24, Reply)

Haahahah!

( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:18, Reply)

I thought you were my friend.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:21, Reply)