SILENCE IN INTERNET COURT
The internet court is now sitting to hear the case of

The internet

-v-

The Light in Chains

EDIT: IT IS THE JUDGEMENT OF THIS COURT THAT THE LIGHT IN CHAINS IS GUILTY OF FUCKING A CHILD AND THEN BOASTING ABOUT IT ON THE INTERNET.
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN, QC ACE ATTORNEY, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:36, 14 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I'm sitting in the crowd with a custard pie and a couple of eggs.
No one knows yet though.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:37, Reply)

I am fucking discustard

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:39, Reply)

Trial by internet? This can only go well...

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:39, Reply)

Thankfully I'm off shortly.
I've been bullied on qotw and need to go home and cry.
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:39, Reply)

*there there*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:40, Reply)

:'(
Who was being a big meanie to you?
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:40, Reply)

Nobody interesting : )

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:41, Reply)

You fucking tell them girlfriend! *snaps fingers*

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:42, Reply)

Innit!

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:50, Reply)

Your Honour
I represent the INTERNET Crown in this matter.
I gather that the INTERNET defendant is going to represent himself.

This does raise the issue of Cross-Examination in person as the matter concerns a scheduled offence under the INTERNET SEXUAL OFFENCES ACT 2003, so if my learned friend Mr PsychoChomp would take on the role it would be for the best.
( WormuIus, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:40, Reply)

This is a D20 and a bucket of fried chicken away from disaster

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:41, Reply)

VERY GOOD THEN
THE LIGHT IN CHAINS IS TO BE REPRESENTED BY THE INTERNET APPOINTED COUNSEL MR P CHOMP.
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN, QC ACE ATTORNEY, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:42, Reply)

Hang on a minute...
Have you been promoted to judge now? Shouldn't you be representing the internet?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:40, Reply)

Oh ok, you are going to switch between accounts to do this.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:41, Reply)

DEAR INTERNET USER
I AM SITTING AS A RECORDER IN THE INTERNET CROWN COURT SITTING ON THE INTERNET.
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN, QC ACE ATTORNEY, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:41, Reply)

Thank you for your prompt response Mr Lawyerman

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:42, Reply)

open and shut case, he admitted it, i vote chemical castration

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:40, Reply)

Can you post with police dog and igor in this thread as well?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:41, Reply)

woof

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:42, Reply)

BARK BARK BARK
*licky face* etc.....
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:43, Reply)

Your Honour is the INTERNET jury ready?

( WormuIus, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:43, Reply)

YES I THINK WE CAN PROCEED MR WORMULUS
INTERNET USHER, CALL THE INTERNET JURY PLEASE.
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN, QC ACE ATTORNEY, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:44, Reply)

he's busy popping his collar, m'lud

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:44, Reply)

Members of the internet jury
My name is Mr Wormulus and I represent the INTERNET crown in this matter. My learned friend Mr Chomp represents the INTERNET defendant, The Light in Chains.

The Light in chains is not here as a guest, he is here to answer criminal charges.

Criminal Charges of CHILD FUCKING.
( WormuIus, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:46, Reply)

*frowny face*

(INTERNETLAWYERMAN, QC ACE ATTORNEY, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:46, Reply)

He TOTALLY didn't!

(PsychoChomp, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:48, Reply)

YOU WILL HAVE YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO SPEAK MR CHOMP
ONCE THE PROSECUTION HAVE FINISHED.
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN, QC ACE ATTORNEY, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:49, Reply)

The INTERNET crown say that the Light in chains
FUCKED AN INTOXICATED CHILD WITH HIS PENIS

and by doing so committed the offence of CHILD RAPINGS.
( WormuIus, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:47, Reply)

Objection
Prosecution is getting aroused!
(PsychoChomp, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:48, Reply)

You will see evidence, members of the jury from the Light in Chains which the crown says amounts to a confession.
This will be a matter for you, you must judge the INTERNET evidence amongst yourelves after being directed by his honour the judge.

Now my learned friend Mr Chomp will speak to you.
( WormuIus, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:50, Reply)

YES
MR CHOMP?
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN, QC ACE ATTORNEY, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:52, Reply)

This is a kangaroo court
The court appointed lawyer seems to be nothing to defend his client.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:54, Reply)

I don't think you know the law very good, he admitted it, pretty sure he's pleading guilty, trial unneccessary, send him down

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:53, Reply)

WE HAVE RECEIVED NO PLEA FROM THE DEFENDANT
HE WAS GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO PRESENT A GUILTY PLEA BUT INSTEAD GAVE NO INDICATION. WE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO PROCEED AS THOUGH HE HAD PLEADED NOT GUILTY.
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN, QC ACE ATTORNEY, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:55, Reply)

i see no request for a plea here, your shit at this

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:55, Reply)

He should plead the fifth element.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:55, Reply)

These are serious charges brought against the defendant.
Charges that have been made many a time before in these boards. Often correctly.
However the standard defence for this situation has a large precident.
And so in defence of my client I will state for the record:

OMG DIS IS B3TA WTF I THOUGHT HE WAZ ALOUD 2 TALK ABOTU FUKIN KIDZ
STOP TAKIN THE INTERNET SERIOUSLY
UR UPSET
HE WAS LYING, 4 A JOKE
GET A SENSE OF HUMOUR
UR TROLLING GO BACK 2 /TALK
THEY'RE ALL VIRGINS ANYWAY
I'M GAZZIN ROB.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:55, Reply)

MR CHOMP IS TO BE COMMENDED FOR HIS SERVICES TO THE COURT IN THIS MATTER
PROSECUTION COUNSEL PLEASE.
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN, QC ACE ATTORNEY, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:57, Reply)

I am obliged your Honour.
The Prosecution would like to offer in evidence, exhibit one.
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1445273
( WormuIus, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:58, Reply)

*peer over glasses*

(INTERNETLAWYERMAN, QC ACE ATTORNEY, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:58, Reply)

The exhibit clearly shows that the Light in Chains boasted on an internet messageboard that he had
'gone at it' with a '15 year old'.
( WormuIus, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 16:00, Reply)

ANYTHING FURTHER MR WORMULUS
DO YOU INTEND TO CALL ANY WITNESSES?
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN, QC ACE ATTORNEY, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 16:01, Reply)

Your Honour, No.
Prosecution Rests.
( WormuIus, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 16:02, Reply)

THEY'RE ALL YOURS MR CHOMP.

(INTERNETLAWYERMAN, QC ACE ATTORNEY, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 16:02, Reply)

He was in the Vatican where he went to school,
the legal age of consent there is 12.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 16:06, Reply)

I'm sorry Judge Judy, I think he's doing work and that.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 16:06, Reply)

Ooh! Ooh! Call me!
I want to play
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 16:02, Reply)

Fine.
You can be a defence witness for Chompy, he'll XIC you.
( WormuIus, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 16:03, Reply)

Now I have to make something up about LiC
Something really, really childish. You know, so as to fit in.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 16:05, Reply)

I think this has run its course.

( WormuIus, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 16:07, Reply)

You think?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 16:09, Reply)

I'VE HEARD ENOUGH.

(INTERNETLAWYERMAN, QC ACE ATTORNEY, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 16:04, Reply)

Do I get paid for jury service?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:46, Reply)

SILENCE IN INTERNET COURT
OR I SHALL HOLD YOU IN CONTEMPT OF INTERNET COURT AND MAKE YOU WAIT ON /BOARD UNTIL THIS IS ALL OVER.
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN, QC ACE ATTORNEY, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:48, Reply)

fuck
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:49, Reply)

GUILTY

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:44, Reply)

*lights flaming torch*
*sharpens pitchfork*
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:44, Reply)

SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK
Squawk can't be bothered to change my username squawk squawk
Squawk squawk
Squawk
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:43, Reply)

*kicks shit in your face*
squawk NOT FRANK NOT FRANK squawk
(bollocks parrot squawk squawk squawk, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:45, Reply)

It's almost as if you were waiting, watching
dare I say stalking?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:48, Reply)

Baliff bring in the Parrot!
/computer game joke
(PsychoChomp, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:45, Reply)

I'll be a character witness for the LIC
As far as I've ever been aware he smells of gone off milk and WOW desperation. A middle aged local government evergreen virgin if ever you saw one.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:46, Reply)

THANK YOU CITIZEN
PLEASE MAKE YOURSELF KNOWN TO MR CHOMP.
HE'S THE ONE WHO LOOKS LIKE A RAPIST, THE RAPIST WITH THE WIG ON.
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN, QC ACE ATTORNEY, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:51, Reply)

NO, NOT THAT ONE
THAT'S THE DEFENDANT.
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN, QC ACE ATTORNEY, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:51, Reply)