Why? Who died?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:04, 3 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Jimmy Saville.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:05, Reply)

you're well known for your conflict resolution abilities and your knowledge of facebook
What do you do if someone deletes you on facebook because you didn't respond to a facebook message simply saying "hey" you recieved while on a train.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:08, Reply)

You laugh at the overly sensitive prick.
And congratulate yourself on no longer having to deal with them.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Cunt them in the fuck, obviously

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:11, Reply)

marry him

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:12, Reply)

It's a girl obviously, I would deal with a guy doing the same thing by loling and then telling his friends.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:13, Reply)

MARRY HIM

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:14, Reply)

In that case
beg for forgiveness and woo her until she falls in love with you, because she doesn't sound like she'd be high maintenance at all.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:14, Reply)

^very very much this.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:18, Reply)

I have a feeling you're both trying to ruin my life.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Send them a series of increasingly disturbing naked photos of yourself.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Ha ha
This is why I asked you.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:14, Reply)

chalk her up as the 137th teenager you're never gonna get to molest and move on

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:14, Reply)

why you so bitter rachelswipe? you had a hard life?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:22, Reply)

It's funny because gonz is dyslexic.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:06, Reply)

i get it!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:08, Reply)

gary speed, you insensitive prick.
Didn't you know Gonz is a Welsh Jew? *launches into tearful chorus of "Bagel of Heaven"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:06, Reply)

I had no idea who he was before he died.
I just knew him as one of the many rent-a-pundits I see on sofas talking bollocks.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:09, Reply)

yep, but then presumably you are a mere child.
That or you watched no football at all from about 1990 to 2006ish.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Like me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Finally, you have embraced your desperate need for validation.
It's OK though, we like you, we do.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Hahahha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:21, Reply)

"like" might be over-egging the pudding a bit
"pity" is closer to the core of it.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:23, Reply)

*cries*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:37, Reply)

He was also a very caring and sensitive lover
What do you mean 'too soon'?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:12, Reply)

That's quite an achievement
unless you have no interest in football, in which case it makes sense.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:14, Reply)

I like football a lot,
I just have no memory for names and usually turn it off as soon as the games over.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:15, Reply)

In that case, it really is quite an achievement.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:16, Reply)

There are only 5 players to have played more than 500 games in Premier League
of which Speed is one, so that's a SPECTACULARLY bad memory.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:17, Reply)

+ he's played for more Premiership teams than Chompy's sent cock-gazzes.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:20, Reply)

I remember Cantona played for Manchester united.
.... that's it.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:20, Reply)

I've heard of Stanley Matthews.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:21, Reply)

my dad wanted to name me after him if i'd been a boy

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:26, Reply)

my dad wanted to call me Cynthia if I was a girl
the stupendous cunt.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:29, Reply)

you so know that's what i'm going to call you now, right?
funnily enough i had a (smoking hot) maths teacher at school who always called me cynthia.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:33, Reply)

You mean you don't find badly-suited cretins
stating the arse-clenchingly obvious OVER AND OVER A-FUCKING-GAIN FOR HOURS entertaining?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:20, Reply)

^^ Fashion expert right here

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Speaking. How may I help?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:21, Reply)

How do you get jizz out of tartan?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Dinnae spill your orange jizz in the first place, lad.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:28, Reply)

epic accent fail, chap.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Hugely unfunny too
Sadly, I decided to write it, even knowing this.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:33, Reply)

That does not sound terribly authentic in my head
^^^ And what he said
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Hahhahahaha
You're an accent spaz.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Spaz in general, really

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:36, Reply)

choose a tartan
that jizz does not show on.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Might be slightly too late for that now
Anyway, how many tartans don't show up jizz FFS?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:33, Reply)

I can't say I've tested mine
but I reckon it'd be OK. Dress MacDonald so a fair bit of cream anyway.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Thankfully it's not on my kilt - which is Black Isle

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:43, Reply)

I've just realised that this does not sound good if it's not on MY kilt.
For clarity, the jizz in question is on a ladies mini kilt, ok?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:44, Reply)

well, ceilidhs can get a little exciting..

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Not usually THAT exciting though

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:51, Reply)

well, if you aimed REALLY carefully on Black Isle you might get away with it.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Er...how?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:51, Reply)

black isle is grey criss-cross on black background, isn't it?
so aim for where two grey heavy bands overlap. It's almost white. It's just quite a small target.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:53, Reply)

Not really, mine is the full dress one
It's almost completely black.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 11:02, Reply)

With FREEDOM.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Send it to Liz jones

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:36, Reply)

^this is a contender for POTD.
So somebody please up the game, we don't need to be offering chompy praise.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:39, Reply)

I don't actually get this
Is liz jones well known for sucking spunk of kilts?
( Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:49, Reply)

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2056875/Liz-Jones-baby-craving-drove-steal-husbands-sperm-ultimate-deception.html
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:50, Reply)

She's the woman who stole used condoms from her partner to get pregnant

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Didn't you see
the weapons-grade mental (and I mean weapons-grade by her standards, not the rest of us) article she wrote about being so desperate for a baby that she was harvesting spunk on the sly from the used condoms after blokes shagged her and shoving it back up there? And how no man should trust a woman not to do that because really ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT, THE MENTALLY UNSTABLE BABY FACTORIES?

Terrifying. Regardless of whether it's true or not, the state of her mind is remarkable.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:52, Reply)

But I've been told that she's actually just very clever and this entire thing is an elaborate joke
on us stupid people who think she is merely a cunt.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:56, Reply)

No, I'm inclined to think that she's a cunt and perhaps now frantically trying to undo the damage already done

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:59, Reply)

The obvious statements are what grind my gears.
"they've got to start scoring goals"
"If they'd scored here then it would have been a draw"
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:22, Reply)

well, true
when Gary Neville is a breath of fresh air as an analyst, you know you've pretty much hit the bottom of the barrel.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:28, Reply)

I know.
I am dangerously close to liking him at the moment.

I'm sure they'll beat the banality into him soon enough though.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:31, Reply)

I loved the description of Luiz
as "like he's controlled by a 10 year old on a playstation"

The fact that Villas-Boas spat the dummy over it just shows it hit the mark.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:41, Reply)

'They won't be happy with that.
They'll have wanted to win that match, not lose it'.

Thanks for that, you simpleton.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:32, Reply)