Five minutes before the deadline for entries to the "most Christmassy desk" competition
I stuck little white paper beards on the picture of me and Ms Foxtrot, chucked a load of tinsel on my desk and hung baubles from my scaffold piercings and threaded bows through my flesh tunnels. The judges have just been round and summarised that it appears that "Christmas has exploded on my desk".

Thought you all should know.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:24, 6 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I didn't understand the middle section of that sentence.
And I'm not sure that I want to.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:25, Reply)

Which part?
Maybe I can enlighten you?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:30, Reply)

I think I can live without any further knowledge of your flesh tunnels actually.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:33, Reply)

They're not what they sound like
Well actually they're exactly what they sound like, they're just not what you're thinking of
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:34, Reply)

You really do yourself no favours, you know that don't you?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:25, Reply)

Is there a prize?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:25, Reply)

50 nicker in vouchers
Given that another girl in my team bought a load of stuff and did her desk quite tastefully, if I win off the back of decorating myself as well as my desk it'll be most unjust and hilarious
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:29, Reply)

I hope she loses.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:31, Reply)

The 'winner' gets torched in the car park
in what local police are calling the most savage homophobic assault on record.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Can't believe nobody's done this yet:
"+Father desk face"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:28, Reply)

dahhlings it's nothing really I just threw it together
*knowing wink*
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Fucking hell I wish I'd said that
Esprit d'escalier and all that
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:30, Reply)

You should have got all the stuff on your desk
sitting in opposite corners not talking to each other, and left the mouse on its side next to a pile of blu-tack and some discarded mini-spirits bottles.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Crackin' idea
Except my water bottle, Nottingham Forest mug and one (if not both) of my Ballroom trophies are noisy cunts and getting them to shut up would have been tricky
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:33, Reply)

You have trophies at work?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:35, Reply)

Just a couple
and my Stars shield
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:40, Reply)

I've got my Silver Swimming Certificate on the wall.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:41, Reply)

I NEED THE VALIDATION ALRIGHT

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:43, Reply)

They come very much in handy sometimes.
Only last week I was walking by the canal in my pyjamas, when I saw a black rubber brick in the water, that was clearly in some distress. Fortunately for all concerned I was more than prepared for this, and performed an immediate rescue.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Tower Hamlets' own have-a-go hero

( Kroney, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 12:03, Reply)

This is surprisingly common
Fortunately black rubber brick deaths have been dramatically reduced over the last 20 years.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 12:03, Reply)