Morning all
Diets are fucking shit.

I missed three calls last night and two this morning from my doctor about the blood test I had recently. Will probably have to wait until lunchtime to hear from him. He's never called me up about anything before. I am shitting myself.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:17, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

You have aids. Soz!

( girlinthehole, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:18, Reply)

He clearly said that he has the shits
I can only assume this is due to having an anus like a tattered old wind sock
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:20, Reply)

Metaphor sweetheart

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:22, Reply)

No, I have gAIDS
It's different and non-lethal
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:22, Reply)

unless you bump into Monty in a dark alley

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:24, Reply)

Being bummed to death by Monty is actually at the end of my bucket list

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:29, Reply)

Me too.

( girlinthehole, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:30, Reply)

And the runs

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:29, Reply)

Some chutney at Lusty's work is such an active bender
that, aged just 21, his anus is destroyed and he's had to have time off to have his innards poked back in (or something).

My guess is that you have that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:24, Reply)

My guess is that Darth did that to him

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:26, Reply)

blah blah blah, candle, blah blah blah, wanker. blah blah blah

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:27, Reply)

You're next you candle-sporting dickstain
Happy happy, etc
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:29, Reply)

Danke
What do you think of your chances against Southampton this weekend then?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:36, Reply)

Nil.
Same the week after against the mighty Hammers.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:41, Reply)

What he said
If we're really, REALLY lucky we might get a consolation goal. That is literally the best I'm hoping for.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:42, Reply)

Still
I'm sure Billy Elliot will cheer you up.

It's almost autobiographical for you isn't it?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:52, Reply)

I fucking wish
If I'd taken up dancing when I was 11 I'd be a damn sight better at it than I am
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:56, Reply)

The one-legged blind man who lives upstairs from me
is better at dancing than you are.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:58, Reply)

No he isn't
Not least because you just made him up, you awful fibber
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:59, Reply)

We do have a blind man upstairs
but he does have two legs, I grant you. He made Lusty walk him to a (not very near) pub once. The randy old blind wanker.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 10:02, Reply)

Err... does Lusty have a full-on Mariella Frostrup?
Otherwise, to him, she could be 80, or fat, or Natalie Cassidy
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 10:07, Reply)

Did you live in a pit town when you were a kid?
Do you remember the miner's strike?

The newfilm about Darth Thatcher is a PG. To keep out the miners!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 10:01, Reply)

Brilliant
No and yes in that order. We had PROPER strikes in my day. None of this public sector bollocks.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 10:06, Reply)

It's known as a prolapse, you great prolapsed anus.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:27, Reply)

You seem to know rather a lot about this.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:29, Reply)

I read about it in the copy of 120 Days of Sodom that you gave me.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:33, Reply)

Is that a prequel to 500 Days of Summer?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:44, Reply)

I FAIRLY ENOJOYED THAT FILM
at the weekend
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:48, Reply)

I found her quite irritating

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:49, Reply)

I only saw the last hour or so and she was hardly in it
he was good in it, that boy from third rock from the sun
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:51, Reply)

he is actually 43 years old

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:52, Reply)

he's probably about 30

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:53, Reply)

or exactly 30
god he had shit hair in 3rd rock
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:56, Reply)

I LIKED HIS HAIR, ALRIGHT??

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:56, Reply)

: /

( girlinthehole, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:27, Reply)

You haven't made it until your poo is wide enough to use as a draught excluder

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Sorry to despoil your melodrama, but it's just the bored forgetful old bag on reception calling you for a follow up appointment
I'm fairly sure that your GP couldn't care less if you were alive or dead
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:32, Reply)

You are Andrew Lansley AICMFP

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:33, Reply)

Ah, but, you see
It was actually my doctor who left me the voicemails. Don't take away my chance to blow things out of proportion and make this thread all about me, Rory. It's all I've got.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:43, Reply)

Shit dawg soz

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 9:45, Reply)