On my friend's stag week in Puerto Banus (it was horrible)
one lad sauntered down to the pool, making ribald remarks and generally being a penis. Suddenly a look of concern, and then one of horror flashed across his previously cocky face, and he backed away slowly towards the stairwell. Five minutes later he's back, in a different pair of shorts. Considerably quieter and less of a twat. For a bit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:06, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

^ second time of posting, at least.
SOZ EVERYONE, SOZZERS.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:07, Reply)

You don't want to let Shambo know you are PEAROASTING!
He'll go mental.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:12, Reply)

ha i can almost sympathise with that
things i learned in barbados: if you jump in the very choppy sea in a strapless swimming costume, it WILL come off (but nobody will see, luckily for them) and it WILL get so ram jammed full of sand that you will look as if you are packing some serious caribbean cock as you stagger, half-drowned, back onto the beach. and it WILL be so stuck in the lining that you WON'T be able to get it out.

but don't panic and push it to the back, eh? that is NOT a good look as you realise your towel is all the way back at the pool...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:09, Reply)

A shart infested sea

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:12, Reply)

We're going to need some bigger briefs

(TheColonel, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:14, Reply)

*click*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:15, Reply)

Ditto
Enjoy the match last night?
(TheColonel, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:16, Reply)

The first half was a bit shit
But the second was good. Felt like a proper cup tie. Good goals all round. Fingers crossed Boro will get into the playoffs
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:18, Reply)

Yeah, especially that ginog's.
Yeah hopefully.
This is the point where I say I'm glad we got knocked out, we can concentrate on the league, [insert further clichés here].
(TheColonel, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:21, Reply)

It was a cracking goal from him, yes
No shame in how you lot played last night

McMahon appears to be a bit of a whingy twat mind. The left back was cracking and Main seems like he has a lot of talent
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:23, Reply)

Vince?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:26, Reply)

oh man me and LQ were wathcing rex the runt last night
she didn't believe me about the random pavorotti disease
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:28, Reply)

?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:28, Reply)

wrestling i think?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:28, Reply)

*finger on nose and points*

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:32, Reply)

Yeah Bennett is one to watch like
Apparently we were offered 6million for Rhys Williams a couple of weeks ago and turned it down. Can't imagine that though to be honest.
The whole team played well, except for Emnes but he's barely fit.
(TheColonel, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:55, Reply)

textsfrombennett.tumblr.com/
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 11:05, Reply)

v good

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:15, Reply)

hahahahahahaha
That's made me laugh. Quite an achievement after my dealing with ex last night.

Highlight: 'your sister got AIDS from shagging black men'. I am still in shock that someone can so unpleasant.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:13, Reply)

WHAT????
that woman is pure toxic.

she must be related to bert.

poor you, what a vile bitch.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:14, Reply)

She sounds delightful
WTF has that whole topic got to do with your daughter?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:14, Reply)

Post-birth-non-descendant-hereditary-AIDS
OBVIOUSLY
(TheColonel, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:16, Reply)

How silly of me
Sorry everyone
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:16, Reply)

Ah, you see I asked her weeks ago if I could switch days with my kid this weekend.
I asked her again last night as it's nearly the weekend and was told no because her folks are coming up. I had the temerity to suggest that perhaps she could ask them to come the next day so that my mother could see her grandaughter.

You see? No?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:16, Reply)

is your ex about 5? i mean mentally?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:15, Reply)

It's worse than you think.
My sister does indeed have HiV - she got this from being kidnapped and repeatedly raped whilst doing charity work in Namibia.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:18, Reply)

holy... just... sorry

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:19, Reply)

someone say something about rachel being fat to lighten the mood plz

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:20, Reply)

how can fat lighten the mood?
silly quentin.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:35, Reply)

lighter than water innit?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:40, Reply)

Thanks.
It's fucking horrible, eh?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:22, Reply)

your poor sister
and your daughter, I'd have a quiet word with her mum or her family if i were you
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:25, Reply)

Her family are pikeys: her mother is a large part of the problem.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:34, Reply)

ah right
kill em all and let god decide
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:40, Reply)

As such, this does indeed seem like a great reason to take the piss
It is funny right? No?
Stupid bitch
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:20, Reply)

Holy fuck for that happening in the first place,
And another Holy fuck for your exes comments.

You sound like a good Father to that little girl. Which is lucky, because with a Mother like that she needs you to be.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:24, Reply)

I have learnt a great deal about how nasty humans can be from her.
I was blissfully ignorant for decades.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:36, Reply)

+e

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:43, Reply)

What an unpleasant little bitch.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:18, Reply)

Jesus wept.
that's pretty fucking low.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:36, Reply)

Well, I for one quite like the sound of her
Is she single?
( Kroney, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:38, Reply)

Hahahaha
Would you like a spoon with which to stir my porridge, or do you have your own?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:41, Reply)

Custard cousins

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:42, Reply)

I hope to Christ your wee one gets her moral compass from her father Monts
Cos your ex is a weapons-grade basket-case.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:49, Reply)

Proper menkle.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:52, Reply)